AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:56:00 AM ----- BODY:
I've been struggling for while over how to strike a balance between maintaining some semblance of privacy on this blog and also not censoring myself. This has been particularly difficult since way back when I shared this blog address with some friends and family members, and have since been recognized by a number of others who know me in real life and stumbled across this blog by chance. While I've loved keeping up with these folks that way, I also find that it's harder for me to say what I really need to say. I'd like to keep up with my in-real-life folks in other ways. It's time to move. I'm not going password-protected, but instead of publishing the new address here I'm asking you to leave me a comment with your email address or email me at anelephantsgestation (at) hotmail (dot) com for the new address. If you've been lurking, no need to fully de-lurk (though it's always fun to hear about you, if you're so inclined) - all I need is a request for the address, nothing more. And once you have the address, feel free to update your links, bloglines, etc. Don't leave me crying alone in my beer, okay? ********** ETA: If you email me and I don't respond, please write to me again - I'll respond to every email but my spam filters are picking up a lot of messages these days.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:34 AM COMMENT-BODY:feithy@gmail.com

Thanks. :) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:56 AM COMMENT-BODY:eringa@optonline.net

Thanks from me to. delurking and so very happy for you and I. and Roo.

e -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Hope and Megan COMMENT-DATE:12:46 PM COMMENT-BODY:Here's my addy:

hopemcg@yahoo.com -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:2:08 PM COMMENT-BODY:Considering that you're a busy new Mom, let's definitely keep in touch in real life. Enjoy the new blog. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:35 PM COMMENT-BODY:Delurking to ask for the new address!
I'd love to follow you and your family to your new digs.
And congratulations, by the way!

williwillibean at hotmail dot com -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:4:23 PM COMMENT-BODY:Hello, I'd be interested in the new address, I'm a lurker...

erin.mc2@gmail.com -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:19 PM COMMENT-BODY:I'd like to read more: kruegerpulver at mindspring dot com. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:12:25 PM COMMENT-BODY:Delurking here from Canada. I stumbled upon your blog by accident and would love to continue following. If so
litvinskyfamily@telus.net -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Jodi COMMENT-DATE:1:11 PM COMMENT-BODY:jodi82474@yahoo.com

Alright, I'll delurk. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:8:47 PM COMMENT-BODY:Ok, fellow feminist bookworm de-lurking to say "I want to hear about the new little guy!"

livinwiththaboyz@yahoo.com -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger charlotte COMMENT-DATE:2:02 AM COMMENT-BODY:dosmamas@gmail.com -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Foxxy One COMMENT-DATE:1:05 PM COMMENT-BODY:Oh, please take me with you! jfoxx at globalfit dot com. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:44 PM COMMENT-BODY:i'd really love to keep up with your story... kaw540 at yahoo. thanks! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Kristin @ Intrepid Murmurings COMMENT-DATE:12:19 AM COMMENT-BODY:Haven't been here in awhile, and am so happy to hear your news. Congrats! Would love to see what you're up to on the new blog. sunfrog at comcast dot net -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Lo COMMENT-DATE:7:42 PM COMMENT-BODY:Please let me know the new address: familyo at earthlink dot net -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:8:49 PM COMMENT-BODY:A lurker who'd like to continue to lurk. sassiestgurl@hotmail.com

Congrats on the new addition to your family. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:12 AM COMMENT-BODY:tandia AT gmail DOT com

:) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:5:15 PM COMMENT-BODY:Hi -- I've been lurking. Sorry to be so rude. I only recently found your blog have enjoyed reading it. My email address is jjmackens@yahoo.com

Just for FYI, Livejournal allows you the ability to personal- and friends-lock posts (which is why my blog is there).

Thanks. :)
http://looking-east.livejournal.com -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Manda COMMENT-DATE:5:48 PM COMMENT-BODY:keldrena@mad.scientist.com

I'd love to read more. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FosterMommy COMMENT-DATE:2:46 AM COMMENT-BODY:would love to continue lurking at your new place:
fostermoms [at] earthlink [dot] net -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:32:00 AM ----- BODY:
I couldn't help it, I had to do a little teasing... I am so thrilled to introduce you to my new son, Roo, born in the state of Georgia at 3:11 pm on July 28th, 2006, one day before his due date. We learned that his birthmother was in labor a few hours before he arrived. I. called me at work around 1 pm and said: "she's in labor, and today is your last day of work." We called the florist, the adoption agency, our moms, the pediatrician, the car rental place... My supervisor reminded me that people leave this suddenly for much worse reasons and encouraged me to get home as soon as I could. We had the weekend to get our act together, and then left Monday in a rental car and drove hell for leather to Atlanta to stay with my parents an hour from where Roo was born. We've heard so many stories about people who have adopted domestically staying in hotels for weeks, buying their meals in restaurants, and living in one room. I feel so lucky that we were able to be at my parent's house, that they could meet him so soon and that we were so well taken care of by his proud new grandparents. Georgia has a 10-day revocation period after the birth family signs the Termination of Parental Rights (which happened 2 days after he arrived). Usually the baby is in temporary care during that time, but in this case the caregiver was going on vacation, so we picked him up on Wednesday - day 3 of the revocation period and his 6th day of life. We felt mixed about it - we were so grateful not to have to wait another 10 days before meeting him, and also terrified that we would fall in love with him and then lose him. It was stressful to have him in those circumstances, but also just incredible. It’s hard to believe fully formed human beings can start out at that size - 7 pounds, 10 ounces. That little round belly and those big feet… We stayed in Atlanta until we got approval from the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children in Georgia and Massachusetts. After all that stress about the Georgia ICPC, we sailed through practically without a hitch - and in about 5 days, instead of the usual 10. On Tuesday night, day 9 of the revocation period, we got on an Amtrak and headed home. The 24-hour train trip was as smooth as it possibly could have been. All the way there we talked about how well it went, but as soon as we got off we realized how hard it had been. We still can’t believe we did it. We were met at the train by a welcome wagon, and came home to a newly clean house, happy, well-cared for cats, flowers, Indian food take-out, a meal in the fridge, and a beautiful hand-made cradle on loan from friends. The phone hasn’t stopped ringing, and friends dropped by with four bags of groceries. And the boy is doing great - before we got off the train we put him in the cute outfit we had brought him home in and realized that in one week he had already outgrown it. We feel asleep that night completely exhausted, crying over the birth family’s loss of this amazing little being and also feeling so blessed that he’s ours. We’re getting used to each other, bonding and snuggling and keeping each other up all night, and we’re beyond thrilled to be settling in at home with our beautiful, beautiful boy. I have so much more to say about our relationship with his birth family, where his real name came from, the day we met him, and so many other things, but this will do for a beginning. More to come.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:4:06 PM COMMENT-BODY:Well, congrats to you and I! My goodness, so sudden. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:4:07 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations, welcome and peace to everyone involved! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:5:02 PM COMMENT-BODY:Delurking with tears in my eyes. I am so glad that this went relatively smoothly. Thinking of you both, the first family, all Roo's extended family and the little Roo himself. Be well and soak up these first days. Thanks for posting!!
[the word verification is "bowwy"! Wow, it's a boy!] -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Amy COMMENT-DATE:5:40 PM COMMENT-BODY:OMG SO INCREDIBLE! I HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES AND I'M SO BEYOND THRILLED & ELATED FOR YOU BOTH AT THIS AMAZING NEW ADDITION DO YOUR FAMILY! CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR MORE & RUBY & I BOTH LOOK FORWARD TO ONEDAY SEEING BEAUTIFUL PICTURES OF LITTLE MISTER ROO, WHETHER ON THE BLOG, OR IN PRIVATE EMAIL! ALL OUR BEST TO THE HAPPY FAMILY OF 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XoXoXoXo

-Amy & Ruby Cate -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Poor_Statue COMMENT-DATE:5:45 PM COMMENT-BODY:Yippee!!!! So happy for you. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Dawn COMMENT-DATE:7:08 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations! Give Roo many hugs and then feed our insatiable need for more details of your life when you can! :D And PICTURES! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:42 PM COMMENT-BODY:Yayyyyy! COngratulations to the happy family! I can't wait to hear even more details! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:08 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:10:00 PM COMMENT-BODY:Welcome to the world, Roo! And many happy wishes for all of you as you get to know each other as a family of three. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:10:32 PM COMMENT-BODY:I'm so thrilled for you.

I hope some day to have a big picnic with all of the wonderful bloggers who have so enriched my life - and their KIDS!

Congratulations, mommies! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger carrym COMMENT-DATE:1:48 AM COMMENT-BODY:Oh, YAY, YAY, YAY!!!! Can't wait to hear more...

Glad everything has worked out so far, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Happy Motherhood you two! And welcome, little Roo... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:20 AM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations! Can't wait to hear more! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:6:02 AM COMMENT-BODY:sending lots of good wishes. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger My Baby Ain't White COMMENT-DATE:7:17 AM COMMENT-BODY:Congrats to all three of you. Sounds like you all are indeed enjoying the moment. Simply thrilled for your family.

~Karen -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger jfsl/jwsl COMMENT-DATE:7:28 AM COMMENT-BODY:Welcome Roo! COngratulations. You truly are lucky and blessed.
DS-L -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger J COMMENT-DATE:10:48 AM COMMENT-BODY:This is amazing news. Congratulations to you both, and welcome Roo! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger King Noah COMMENT-DATE:11:34 AM COMMENT-BODY:It was so good to hear from you and to get such wonderful news. Enjoy every little second with Roo and congratulations to the two of you! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Michelle COMMENT-DATE:11:51 AM COMMENT-BODY:congratulations!!!! I have been waiting for this post!!!!!! i am so happy for you both..you will make wonderful parents...i cant wait to hear more about your journey to your son!!!!!

congrats MAMA!!!!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:3:01 PM COMMENT-BODY:M., I'm so happy for you! A thousand welcomes to baby Roo, and lots of love to all three of you. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Hashbrown COMMENT-DATE:7:13 AM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations, M! You and your wife must be so thrilled. AJWP and I have been holding our breaths and crossing our fingers since you posted you were heading down to GA. It is so wonderful that it went so smoothly and you have your beautiful baby boy! What joy! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Mindy COMMENT-DATE:8:23 AM COMMENT-BODY:A happy welcome to Roo! This is fabulous! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:38 AM COMMENT-BODY:So exciting! That's wonderful, congrats to you all. Enjoy your new little one. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Laura COMMENT-DATE:10:32 AM COMMENT-BODY:So much congratulations! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger charlotte COMMENT-DATE:7:56 PM COMMENT-BODY:I am so incredibly happy for you all! I send tear filled blessings your way. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:46 AM COMMENT-BODY:Too wonderful for words, truly. Love and peace and strength to all three of you. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:19 AM COMMENT-BODY:you made it.
congrats on your new addition to your family. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Wendy and Karen COMMENT-DATE:1:34 PM COMMENT-BODY:Fantastic! Congratulations & Best Wishes! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:53 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations! I'm so so happy for you. I'm so happy that Roo is safe and happy in a healthy home.

-John G. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:14 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations! So happy to hear all went smoothly. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger LilySea COMMENT-DATE:12:17 AM COMMENT-BODY:Just wonderful! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:32 AM COMMENT-BODY:Congrats. And welcome to the world Roo! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Carrie COMMENT-DATE:10:12 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congrats on your new son!!!! I met you two at a blog get together back in February (or was it April?). I'm glad to see that you have your little one home to love on. I hope you enjoy being parents as much as we do. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:30:00 AM ----- BODY:
Anyone want to know why?
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:21 AM COMMENT-BODY:Just this second, seriously, I was going to email you and see what was up. WOOHOO!! Congratulations!

I can't wait to hear the details. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Michele COMMENT-DATE:12:00 PM COMMENT-BODY:Im guessing its because you are snuggling a sweet baby... hoping so anyway. ;) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger AJ COMMENT-DATE:12:08 PM COMMENT-BODY:Wow.... Congratulations. Can't wait to hear more. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Mindy COMMENT-DATE:12:35 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congrats! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Dawn COMMENT-DATE:12:58 PM COMMENT-BODY:It's about time you posted, missy! I can't wait for MORE NEWS!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Jennifer COMMENT-DATE:1:17 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Laura COMMENT-DATE:1:59 PM COMMENT-BODY:Ooh are you breastfeeding or burbing your kid? Woohoo you've got a kid! Congratulations! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger My Baby Ain't White COMMENT-DATE:2:03 PM COMMENT-BODY:Now that's just good stuff. So let the baby type hello already!!

~Karen -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger nina beana COMMENT-DATE:2:58 PM COMMENT-BODY:what wonderful news! congrats mama. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 6:06:00 PM ----- BODY:
I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. All is well. Many, many thanks for all your lovely comments and emails this week. It means more than I can tell you. I promise to write more as soon as I can.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Estelle COMMENT-DATE:6:50 PM COMMENT-BODY:Glad that you're still around. Hope all is goin well. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:47 PM COMMENT-BODY:Waiting and wishing you all good things. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:12:08 AM COMMENT-BODY:I'm thinking of you and I. during this time. Lots of love from Worcester! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Diane S. COMMENT-DATE:12:13 AM COMMENT-BODY:I've been swamped with work and not making blog rounds. Sorry to miss a real post from you, but so glad to know that all is well in your world.

Diane -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger jfsl/jwsl COMMENT-DATE:7:47 AM COMMENT-BODY:Incredibly do think about how you are doing at random times during the day -- hoping all well including with nursing.
DS-L -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:9:53 AM COMMENT-BODY:got my mojo working, i hope you are well! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:46 PM COMMENT-BODY:Warmest fuzzies to you! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:5:40 PM COMMENT-BODY:We've been thinking about you so many times a day, wishing you all much love and gentleness. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Dawn COMMENT-DATE:8:20 PM COMMENT-BODY:Even though you're in bloglines and I KNOW when you update I'm still coming by here to check JUST IN CASE bloglines is screwy! Thinking of you all... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger LilySea COMMENT-DATE:11:01 PM COMMENT-BODY:Oh!
Wow!
Hope all is still well. Sorry I was out of loop while this was happening.
Eagerly awaiting the update. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Erin COMMENT-DATE:9:12 AM COMMENT-BODY:I'm refreshing your blog at least six times a day.... :) Continuing to keep all of you in my thoughts, and sending buckets of good wishes your way!

xo -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:14 PM COMMENT-BODY:Nothing but good vibes and happy thoughts going out your way. Glad to hear things are going well and hope nothing but good stuff comes your way! -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 8:20:00 AM ----- BODY:
Sorry it's been so quiet over here at an Elephant's Gestation recently. I know I haven't shared much about what people are coming over here to read. It's been hard to share something so intense. But here, I think, is what you are looking for (or a start, at any rate): The baby arrived Friday - an easy birth, as these things go, and all fingers and toes accounted for and in the right place. We leave tomorrow and drive to Atlanta, where we'll stay with my parents until everything is resolved one way or another. We - and more importantly, the baby's parents - could use any good and peaceful vibes you can send right now. More to come.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:26 PM COMMENT-BODY:I will be thinking about you all in the next few days. I hope that whatever may occur brings peace and love to everyone involved. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:12:37 AM COMMENT-BODY:Thinking of you and baby's parents and hoping everyone gets through these emotionally intense days with dignity and grace.

Much love to the mommies to be and the whole family -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:1:09 AM COMMENT-BODY:Oh, good luck! Thinking of you! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Maerlowe COMMENT-DATE:3:15 AM COMMENT-BODY:My best wishes are with all of you. I know you will do well no matter how events fall. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger nina beana COMMENT-DATE:8:45 AM COMMENT-BODY:sending love and all my hippiegoodfeelin' vibes your way.

can't wait to meet the new edition. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Mindy COMMENT-DATE:8:56 AM COMMENT-BODY:Good thoughts heading your way. Best wishes to both you and the baby's parents. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Dawn COMMENT-DATE:8:56 AM COMMENT-BODY:So many good thoughts coming to all of you! Much love and prayers!!!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:9:21 AM COMMENT-BODY:Marisa, I'll be thinking of all of you in the next few days, wishing you all lots of love, grace, good humor, and sleep when you can get it! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Johnny COMMENT-DATE:9:23 AM COMMENT-BODY:Good luck! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:03 AM COMMENT-BODY:you're in my thoughts. be safe -- much love -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Laura COMMENT-DATE:10:44 AM COMMENT-BODY:Woo baby! Good luck and I hope everything goes well for all parties. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:31 AM COMMENT-BODY:Best wishes! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger King Noah COMMENT-DATE:11:55 AM COMMENT-BODY:So many great news on many blogs this morning and this is one more! So happy for you and sending my happy dance vibes to you. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:12:40 PM COMMENT-BODY:Petunia and I are sending all of you our best wishes. We're thinking of you. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger My Baby Ain't White COMMENT-DATE:2:08 PM COMMENT-BODY:Wishing everyone involved much peace and blessings. Best wishes and godspeed in your travels.

~Karen -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Estelle COMMENT-DATE:4:23 PM COMMENT-BODY:Definitely thinking of all of you and hoping it goes well. Congratulations. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:7:25 PM COMMENT-BODY:sending you lots of love. and good thoughts to all. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:35 PM COMMENT-BODY:So much peace and love for all of you. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:9:05 PM COMMENT-BODY:Oh, and also: Best wishes for safe travels. I forgot to say that before. Y'all are in our thoughts. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:16 PM COMMENT-BODY:Wow.

My prayers are with you all as this unfolds. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Erin COMMENT-DATE:9:10 AM COMMENT-BODY:Exciting! :)

I'll be keeping this baby and all the people who love her/him in my thoughts.

Safe travels. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:37 AM COMMENT-BODY:I hope that all goes well and that everyone can get through such an emotional time. Thinking of all of you! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger carrym COMMENT-DATE:11:55 AM COMMENT-BODY:Lots and lots of positive thoughts for the whole of you. Such an exciting time...

much love and luck, we all wait in happy anticipation -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Poor_Statue COMMENT-DATE:12:32 PM COMMENT-BODY:Positive thoughts headed your way.

And in other news, thanks for all the kind words. You may be busy for awhile, but I'm staying in MA for awhile.

Many good wishes to you. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 12:04:00 PM ----- BODY:
So close, and yet so far.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Johnny COMMENT-DATE:12:28 PM COMMENT-BODY:obtuse -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Foxxy One COMMENT-DATE:1:15 PM COMMENT-BODY:Damn is right!

~psst Johnny - click the link~ -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:2:24 PM COMMENT-BODY:My heart stopped for a minute there, thinking you were talking about your own life.

That said, our courts are idiots. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:2:30 PM COMMENT-BODY:I was so, so hopeful that Washington would go the way of MA. My new hope is that the state legislature will act to change....and soon. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger carrym COMMENT-DATE:4:42 PM COMMENT-BODY:Yeah, it sucks! I was honestly suprised at the outcome...and to think, I live in a so-called "blue state"...

Blah... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:8:48 PM COMMENT-BODY:Sucks indeed! -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 1:45:00 PM ----- BODY:
How excited am I about this? Here's what I just learned: Most health insurance companies will cover an electric breast pump in case of "medical necessity." Mine offers this coverage (up to $700 a year for "durable medical equipment") without a co-pay or deductible. If you can't breastfeed because, for example, you didn't give birth to the child you're nursing, then a pump is medically necessary so that you can provide breast milk and the benefits that go along with it. It doesn't necessarily have to be "rental-grade," either - one of the portable electric ones (like Pump In Style) will fit the bill too. And, even cooler, my insurance company didn't seem to care that the baby has not yet arrived. My doctor didn't require any convincing either. The prescription says the need is due to "feeding difficulties." This is just (heh) an FYI, of course.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:4:40 PM COMMENT-BODY:Brilliant!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger King Noah COMMENT-DATE:5:13 PM COMMENT-BODY:That is some great info. I would never have thought to ask my insurance. Based on the 0% rbt I got for IVF, I have some doubts about my insurance but it is worth asking. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:37 PM COMMENT-BODY:It never crossed my mind that medical insurance would cover anything for adoptive breast feeding. One more check in the pro column--but I haven't decided yet. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Hope and Megan COMMENT-DATE:10:17 AM COMMENT-BODY:I've tried that with my insurance (Aetna). They won't pay for a breast pump unless your baby is in the hospital. Boo! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Amyesq COMMENT-DATE:1:12 PM COMMENT-BODY:Ha! Very smart! My doctor would definitely do this. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 10:01:00 AM ----- BODY:
Dawn hit it on the head. Go see for yourself.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:11:19 AM COMMENT-BODY:I have a question for you: is it me, or do I sense a distinctly pro-open-adoption slant among pro-adoption folks? Further ... are there closed adoptions anymore? Does one have a choice? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Dawn COMMENT-DATE:12:06 PM COMMENT-BODY:I think it'd be hard to define "pro-adoption." There are people who are pro adoption who think adoption is good because it takes babies away from "unworthy" parents and puts them with "worthy" parents, for example. Some pro adoption advocacy groups are strongly against open records (National Council for Adoption: http://www.adoptioncouncil.org/) and other adoption advocacy groups who are strongly for open records (Evan B. Donaldson Inst http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/).

I do believe, however, that the pendulum is swinging towards more openness and that even those adoption professionals, advocates and adoptive parents who don't "believe" in it do acknowledge that it's a presence in the adoption world that isn't going away.

It's interesting to see how it's changing our collective understanding of adoption no matter what kind of adoptions (international, foster-to-adopt, etc.) we choose to do. It's certainly an interesting dialogue. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger carrym COMMENT-DATE:12:18 PM COMMENT-BODY:This comment has been removed by a blog administrator. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger carrym COMMENT-DATE:12:22 PM COMMENT-BODY:Damn. Just. Damn. Thank you for sharing the link. I actually went back and read the original post as well.

I'm not an adopted child, nor did I adopt or give a child up for adoption. However, my mother gave up her first child at the age of 15. The hard part is that she definitely was coerced. She wasn't ready to be a parent, but it still should have been her choice. I can only imagine how she would have loved an open adoption scenario.

Now this is a scar that she has lived with for nearly 40 years. In fact she won't search for her daughter out of fear of rejection. It makes my heart ache.

It really is interesting how many angles there are to look at adoption from. I used to believe that open adoption would be so hard, but I have become a believer. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Maerlowe COMMENT-DATE:5:27 AM COMMENT-BODY:Before we began our homestudy, we were dimly aware that, even in fost-adopt, there is a move toward openness -- we assumed contact with siblings would continue, should the situation require seperate placments, for example. We didn't anticipate being asked if we'd be open to unsupervised visits with grandparents. But, those are things we'll have to consider in the near future.

While we don't want our children to think they have to leave their pasts at the front door, we are wary of contact with some of the family members they were removed from. We plan on evaluating as best we can on a case by case basis, with our kids' safety the main concern.

There are so many paths to adoption now, and each route has its own vocal group saying that their way is the best. The only advice I could give to anyone involved in adoption is to fight for what you want -- don't let other people, no matter how well-intentioned they seem, tell you what's right for you. Adoption is emotional and scary, from any side. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:34:00 PM ----- BODY:
I'm inspired by the good things happening over at Milkshake, American Family's new adoptive breastfeeding blog. Warning: if you don't want to read about my breasts, STOP READING NOW. (You know who you are). As she wrote today: how the heck do you squeeze water from a stone? I'm working on it my own way. I've been debating about whether or not to write about my plans for adoptive breastfeeding. I vacillate between wanting to be completely open and all "hell yeah look what my body can do even without growing a kid first" and being cowed by our culture's "ick factor" around breastfeeding in general. Besides, I followed the firestorm at Afrindie Mum's about adoptive breastfeeding a while back and was a little hesitant to tie myself on those particular train tracks at a time when we're feeling pretty vulnerable. But this is ridiculous. I make my living talking about things that many people would prefer never to say out loud. And, though it does happen that we have a potential placement on the close-by horizon, I'm not inducing lactation specifically for this kid (though I hope this is the one who will eventually be our kid), and I'm not planning on hiding anything from the birth family. Ultimately, if all goes well, this is about Building a Healthy Baby. So enough with the caveats. I decided when we started this adoption process that I wanted to try adoptive breastfeeding, but I knew I wasn't going to start trying to induce lactation until we were done with our home study and ready to go. My goals are to produce enough breast milk to have some impact on my kid's immune system, and to do something that will promote bonding and provide comfort. I figure my body has never done this before, so if I get to a point where I can provide 10% of this kid's nutrition, that's 10% more than he or she would get otherwise. I looked first at the Newman-Goldfarb accelerated protocol, since the time between when we were ready to go and when we got this call was so short that it seemed like it might make sense to try to do this fast. It involves birth control pills, domperidone (which I think you need to buy on-line from Mexico), herbs, and fenugreek. They recommend pumping every 3 hours and once at night. I panicked. Drugs from Mexico, 18-25 pills a day, pumping every three hours in an office with no privacy... and besides: when I call our family doctor, the one who has been seing both me and my wife for years, and ask for birth control pills, that might require an appointment to do a little 'splainin'. My midwife sister-in-law steered me towards a lactation consultant who talked me off the ledge. She said I could start now, but if I wanted to I could also even wait until I have a baby. Since I wanted to get started, she said to take fenugreek (3 pills twice a day), get some fenugreek tea, and use a hand pump for 10 minutes at a time, 3 times a day. She cautioned me to keep my expectations low, but said that skin-to-skin contact and "mom instinct" would kick in and give the process a boost when I do have a baby. At her suggestion, I also ordered a Supplemental Nursing System, this fancy little gadget that you actually tape to your breast if you're not producing breast milk (or enough breast milk) and still want the other benefits while feeding your kid formula. It can help stimulate more milk production in the same way that breastfeeding keeps nursing moms producing milk. Anyway, the tea smells like ass, and I can't get it past my nose. But pills are easy, and the pump is making me a little sore but it's nothing I can't live with at this point. And of course there's something fun and self-righteous about complaining about sore boobs when it's for this particular purpose (hard-core breastfeeders, go ahead and laugh... I'm sure the self-righteousness will wear off soon enough). And it helps enormously that I can talk about this with the lactation consultant, my sister-in-law, and my friend the Breastfeeding Goddess. Anyway, this is day 11 of the pills and day 4 of pumping and guess what I got: 3 of the teensiest, tiniest little drops of breast milk you ever did see. Whoo! I can produce enough to keep an ant alive for an hour! But it's a start. I'm happy. More to come. (Blogging about it, I mean. But hopefully more breastmilk too).
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:45 PM COMMENT-BODY:You can also do just dom and herbs without the BCP. I order my Dom from New Zealand and haven't had a problem.

When I went to my nurse practitioner to tell her what I am going to do, I came prepared with a printout of the protocol. She wouldn't write the scrip for the Dom, but she gave me the Yasmin without flinching even though I already have an IUD.

After just 3 weeks on the protocol, I can hand express multiple drops with no effort at all. It is freaky, really. I am glad to be in such good company as I try to figure this all out! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Elizabeth F. COMMENT-DATE:11:27 PM COMMENT-BODY:Well good luck with the BFing. I happen to find you and will visit to get an update. I have some experiene with Lactation, and I have read that you can take Fenugreek 3 times a day. I read that you were taking it twice. You might want to check into that. BFing is so impt!!! Not only to meet the nutritional needs of your baby, but maybe even more importantly their emotional needs.

"The newborn baby has has only 3 demands. They are the warmth in the arms of it's mother/father, food from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her presence. Breastfeeding satisfies all three." Dr. Grantly Dick-Read

You may even want to check out some books on Attachment Parenting, wear your baby in a sling, or in general keep baby close to promote bonding. Good luck! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:35 PM COMMENT-BODY:you can get domperidone in the states as well. If your doctor is willing to write you a prescription, you can get it from a compounding pharmacy (Found in most major metropolitan areas). You do pay american prices, but it is available. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Dyke One COMMENT-DATE:1:48 AM COMMENT-BODY:that's awesome that it's working! my sister induced lactation for my neice (born via gestational carrier) and she had enough milk for homefeedings, but did have to supplement with formula after she went back to work.

congratulations on the three drops!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Shirky COMMENT-DATE:8:51 AM COMMENT-BODY:I was all excited to get a package from vanuatu. so exotic! but the medicine is made in Germany. How boring is that. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:9:11 AM COMMENT-BODY:Holy shit, that's incredible! Well done. You got that boob lube we included in your first installment of baby goods, right? Wifey claims it works wonders. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger nina beana COMMENT-DATE:9:44 AM COMMENT-BODY:you are really inspiring. regardless of what some naysayers may say(ers), even thinking about doing what you're doing is so special. good luck during the whole process- and let me know if there's anything you need (i might have it) or if you need to debrief or prebrief. i'm here! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger carrym COMMENT-DATE:11:06 AM COMMENT-BODY:You are quite wonderful for sharing everything you are going through. Good luck with the breastfeeding, isn't it wonderful how our bodies can do these things? Definitely don't sweat other peoples' "ick factor" your body, your baby, your choice! Way to go!!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Elowyn COMMENT-DATE:12:20 PM COMMENT-BODY:Good for you! I'm doing the "regular Newman protocol" but all of us ABF-ers (or wannabes) have to stick together! Rah! :D -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:12:58 PM COMMENT-BODY:That's awesome! If we get an infant, I'm planning to induce lactation when s/he arrives. It's good to know that other folks are writing and talking about ABF. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:9:55 PM COMMENT-BODY:I'm so psyched that so many people out there are doing this - and talking about it!

I was planning on it when Pili was pregnant, and AmFam has inspired me that I might be able to do it even with a little one who's used to the bottle already.

I'm just scared we'll get a little one who's got teeth already.

Congrats on the ant food! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:42 PM COMMENT-BODY:That's fantastic. I really hope those first little drops are the beginning of something really important for your family. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Amyesq COMMENT-DATE:11:51 PM COMMENT-BODY:Good luck! Will be starting the protocol myself soon so I'll will be waiting to read your boob news with bated breath. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:8:36 AM COMMENT-BODY:I think that's AWESOME. I nursed my two bio sons for 18 and 19 months and so missed being able to nurse my adopted daughter -- she was 10 months when she came to us so inducing lactation off the table. It is really the best most wonderful way to bond. Definitely use the assistant thing -- even with my daughter I fed her bottles skin to skin and she loved the warmth and contact. Good luck!
DS-L -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:5:06 PM COMMENT-BODY:Sorry, but I had to put a link to this t-shirt. I actually saw a girl wearing one of these and was so disturbed. But in light of your post and the website, it's kind of funny. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger King Noah COMMENT-DATE:5:27 PM COMMENT-BODY:Oh My, I was away from my computer for a few weeks and missed the live updates and great news from your blog. I am definitely crossing my fingers for you. I'll keep reading about your breastfeeding inducing experience. I also read Afrindiemum's blog on this but the more feedback I get, the less scared I might be about the whole process. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Lollipop Goldstein COMMENT-DATE:9:01 PM COMMENT-BODY:Go go go three drops! I think it's fantastic that you're doing this. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M3 COMMENT-DATE:9:34 PM COMMENT-BODY:I say screw what anyone thinks - it's your body and your blog. So write away. Personally the adoptive breastfeeding isn't my thing, but I sure think it's interesting to hear about. Good luck! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:1:27 AM COMMENT-BODY:Congrats on the drops---next it'll be sprays;-)!

I abf'd my daughter from birth without using anything other than a supplemental system (lact-aid.com has a system that is MUCH better than the sns for adoptive or supplemental nursing. I highly reccomend it). I probably got a quarter to a third of a supply on my own, and we were doing fine with that.

But when my daughter developed a milk allergy at five months, I decided to try and produce more breastmilk using dom, as fenugreek gave me the spins, literally. Not fun. I was able to up my supply to probably three quarters on only 40mgs a day (half of the recommended dose). We did away with formula (and the lact-aid) entirely once she started eating solids.

So, there are lots of options out there for an breastfeeding adoptive mom! You can tailor any "protocol" to fit your own needs. I had never breastfed a child before, or been pregnant long enough to develop "the works", and was very suprised at how well my body responded....my daughter is now almost two and is still nursing (I take one dom a day now, 10mg).

The whole experience has absolutely been worth it, despite washing myriad supplementors in those early groggy days, and dealing with the occasional squicked-out relative;-). My daughter has loved nursing and I think has probably been healthier for it. I would do it again for another child in a heartbeat!

I love hearing that more and more adoptive parents are looking into breastfeeding. If you have any questions, if I can I'd be happy to answer them---good luck to you! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Sarah COMMENT-DATE:12:53 PM COMMENT-BODY:I came across your blog as you do many things on the web, one site leads to another, leads to another. I just wanted to say go you! :)Congratulations on being a strong Mama and working hard at the adoptive breastfeeding. I can't imagine how hard it must be and I admire you for wanting to give your child the very best. Take care and I'll have to book mark "this one" to see how it all turns out! :)

Sarah -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger my mind & welcome to it COMMENT-DATE:6:49 AM COMMENT-BODY:this is the first ive seen your blog, having followed the link from this womans work. i am a strong advocate of breastfeeding, having nursed my dd9 for many years.
she and i have a great relationship. (perhaps all moms and their dd9s do, i dont know.) i wd like to think its partly cause of nursing. during the first thru third year i often nursed in public. i had three overt responses. two positive, one negative (this one from afar). dont let the ick factor interfere. i think its wonderful and important for both the baby and
you. i wd write more, but must get to work. (thats prob your gain) -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 10:32:00 PM ----- BODY:
Sorry I've been so cryptic recently. I can't really tell you much more than I've told you already for the time being except to say: nothing is ever definite in a domestic adoption, but we are moving forward for now. I'm spending my time convincing ourselves that this won't happen and also preparing myself for it happening. Wow is this ever confusing. Some of what the preparations (for this baby or whoever will eventually be our kid): Loved the heat wave this weekend. A quick summer weekend grateful list... For being in bed by 10:30 on Friday night For a Saturday of puttering of the highest order For a stitch and bitch working on a sweater for me and plotting for future projects For a 100% brain-cell-free but highly entertaining Saturday night movie date complete with giant popcorn and hand-holding For our paddle today, hot and cloudless and gorgeous out on the water and lots of herons and swans For these sweet sweet weekends now that might be the last of this kind for a long time or that might be repeated for many weekends to come... Stay tuned.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger LilySea COMMENT-DATE:11:43 PM COMMENT-BODY:You are lookin' good in that baby wrap, dah-ling! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Michelle COMMENT-DATE:12:25 AM COMMENT-BODY:I am so excited for you!!! I can't wait to hear all of the details!!!
Michelle
My Chosen Child -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:10:17 AM COMMENT-BODY:You didn't put the butt paste on the bear, right? :-)) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Dawn COMMENT-DATE:11:28 AM COMMENT-BODY:Thinking of you guys! Hope to hear good news soon!!!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Diane S. COMMENT-DATE:1:41 PM COMMENT-BODY:Holding a good thought for you! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:6:23 PM COMMENT-BODY:Sorry to ask, I live in Europe...what is but paste? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M. COMMENT-DATE:10:05 PM COMMENT-BODY:Hi Anonymous! Butt paste is just a brand of diaper rash cream. I bought it - as I'm sure many people do - purely because I liked the name and appreciate a product that will just put it right out there. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 10:20:00 AM ----- BODY:
A mother reveals 70-year-old secret - The Boston Globe: "A mother reveals 70-year-old secret Adoptee now seeks truth of his past "David Adams helped his 101-year-old mother Bessie Oldham with her sweater while visiting her nursing home. Oldham recently told her son he was adopted more than 70 years ago. (Globe Staff Photo / Suzanne Kreiter) " Holy cow. This makes me want to bawl, for both mothers and for their son.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:05 AM COMMENT-BODY:Wow, I hope this story helps connect him to his birth family. Even if his mom isn't still alive , maybe he has siblings or cousins. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:2:20 PM COMMENT-BODY:Awful. And also not an update, ahem. You could also just email me and then I'll shut up ;-) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:8:18 PM COMMENT-BODY:You probably won't like this, but I'm not sure why this is such a tradegy. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Sabrina COMMENT-DATE:1:07 AM COMMENT-BODY:me too femiknitmafia.... Why are bio ties so important? That woman was his mother.. the only thing she didn't do is carry him in utero. She DID carry him through the rest of his life...

If I were told today that I was adopted, I can't say I'd really care all that much. I love my parents to death. It doesn't matter to me one little bit that I was birthed by my mother, just that I was raised by her. I do hope he finds peace though. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M. COMMENT-DATE:7:19 AM COMMENT-BODY:Femiknit Mafia, Mama Beans:
I agree - this woman is his mother, no question. But I do believe he had a right to know that his biological family was different than what he understood it to be, and not to learn this at the age of 70.

And I feel for his mom for carrying an enormous secret for decades, and for his first mom for the circumstances that led her to the point where she relinquished a baby and never heard another thing about whether he lived or died.

For me the tragedy is that something so huge had to be such a deep secret. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Poor_Statue COMMENT-DATE:9:18 PM COMMENT-BODY:It's really traumatic for the adopted person.

This came up in my adolescent psychology class this weekend. he professor has a background in everything and has an MSW. She thought it was absolutely horrible.

I had to hold my tongue because nobody there knows that I'm at all conncted to adoption. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 3:02:00 PM ----- BODY:
I just put in my request for maternity leave. Gulp. Gasp.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:3:37 PM COMMENT-BODY:OH MI GAWD!!!!

I am full of so many questions and so excited for you I could scream (if I had a voice).

Congratulations, (ptut, ptut, ptut) and crossing my fingers everything goes smoothly for you and for the potential b-parents.

When is she due? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger carrym COMMENT-DATE:3:53 PM COMMENT-BODY:Woooohoooo!!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:55 PM COMMENT-BODY:No! That means you won't come visit me in September!!

But yay, for you. Seriously. Can you bring the baby?

Happy to see everything progressing for you. Very happy. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:6:23 PM COMMENT-BODY:Oh M., that's WONDERFUL! Congratulations a hundred times over. Maternity leave--WOW. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:54 PM COMMENT-BODY:Crying happiness for you -- and all too eager to hear the next step! Blankies, and onsies, and oh my!!

ps - Breathe!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger J COMMENT-DATE:7:57 PM COMMENT-BODY:Holy crap wow!

This is so awesome! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:10:44 PM COMMENT-BODY:aw heck. i'm getting teary. lots of hugs to you and yours. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Erin COMMENT-DATE:7:35 AM COMMENT-BODY:*screaming with delight*

YAYAY! (though, JESUS girl... your adoring public would like some DETAILS.)

boy? girl? tiny little genderqueer? remind me when the expectant mom is due?

I'm so excited for you! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:05 AM COMMENT-BODY:Indeed. Gulp. Gasp. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:4:51 PM COMMENT-BODY:Oh, hurrah!! *Snoopy dance*

I am so happy for you. Please let us know some details!

Karen/Naked ovary -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:6:16 PM COMMENT-BODY:wonderful!!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:5:19 PM COMMENT-BODY:So crazy! So yes, all your readers want more info including me. Does this mean you have a definite adoption happening? Good luck, keeping my fingers crossed for you. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 10:25:00 AM ----- BODY:
Dear job applicant, A few tips that may make it easier for you when sending me your resume: - Send a cover letter so I have some inkling of why you want this job, particularly when your resume does not include a single hint about why you might be qualified for this position. - Do not use "orientate" in your career objective description. That word doesn't exist. And please: capital letters won't kill you. - Do not send me a 4-page resume. Especially if you are 23. - Do not spend 3/4 of your cover letter talking about your Excel skills. There is a reason why the necessary computer skills occupied one line at the bottom of the job description. - Do not tell me you want a job where you can "save the world." I appreciate your idealism but I need to know that you have some inkling of what the hell you're talking about. - Do not email me asking for "more information about my company." If you can't google the name of the agency yourself, I will assume you are not terribly resourceful. I do not hire people who cannot think their way out of a paper bag. Best of luck in your job search, M. p.s. If your email address is "psycho[fill in Sesame Street character here], you may want to consider signing up for a free account with a slightly more respectable name.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Erin COMMENT-DATE:12:25 PM COMMENT-BODY:Stop it. No way!

Wow... that's pretty horrifying. Good luck getting employment kiddo -- you're going to need it.

:| -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:25 PM COMMENT-BODY:Oops. That's really horrifying. God, I'm glad I never did anything that ridiculous, thanks to the CDO-inspired help of one AJWP. :) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:57 PM COMMENT-BODY:You must have received resumes from the applicants I turned down last month. Honestly, one of the email addresses included "hooters". -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Misa Gracie COMMENT-DATE:1:18 PM COMMENT-BODY:And the few that actually make it to the interview process aren't much better. I once asked an applicant to give me a real life example of her customer service experience and she launched into a full blown rendition of her latest call to her credit card company.

Nice. Don't call us - we'll call you. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Mermaidgrrrl COMMENT-DATE:5:46 AM COMMENT-BODY:Please - I'm begging you - I have to know - was it Grover that they'd used for the e-mail? It's going to kill me if you don't tell me. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Hashbrown COMMENT-DATE:8:41 AM COMMENT-BODY:Girl, I hear you. I had a prospective intern email me with an email that contained vixenchick. NOt so good for a therapy internship. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 11:30:00 AM ----- BODY:
As we've been creeping slowly forward with our plans to adopt this infant, I've been thinking a lot about what it means to put all my ideas about open adoption into practice. My perspective on open adoption has changed dramatically since we started this process last summer. I remember reading letters to agencies from first parents and adoptive parents about their experiences with open adoption. Some talked about exchanging letters and pictures through the agency; some talked about sharing Thanksgiving meals together. I was blown away. I didn't know anyone involved in an open adoption and it was hard to grasp how the adults involved could get to that point (for the kids it seemed like a no-brainer). There are some great models out there, both first parents and adoptive parents. Some of them have relationships similar to what I hope to have with the other adults involved, and some don't, but all of them have helped me figure out what I want and get (I hope) at least a little bit of a sense of how to get there. If you've been reading for a while you probably know that I really tend to live in my head (Dad, quite yer snickering). So in that sense (and others too) it feels really good to start putting some of what I've learned and come to believe very strongly into practice. I've noticed I haven't heard much recently (especially since I started writing about this potential placement) from some of the first moms who I know read this blog. This isn't necessarily a de-lurking call. But I do want to say that your opinions and ideas have been so valuable to me from the start. Your writing - both your comments here and on your postings on your own blogs - has taught me so much. I'm listening.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:9:12 PM COMMENT-BODY:M- i've always respected your views. there have been several times when i haven't posted because i didn't think it was my right? maybe that's lt? as in "geez, M, i'm sorry its crappy right now..." not having been on that side of the fence...oh, you know what i'm trying to say, right?

you've always been postive and supportive to me. i hope i've been able to reciprocate.

Mahna Mahna ;) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger LilySea COMMENT-DATE:11:36 PM COMMENT-BODY:One thing we've learned about open adoption is that it is a relationship between adults who each get to bring to it what they choose. That means you can't really have your ideal open adoption (unless it perfectly matches the other family's ideal too). Kinda like marriage, really--you have to accept the other party's full selfhood and right to bring her own experience to bear on the relationship.

I guess I mean to say, it isn't like the adoptive family gets to really decide how it will go. "Open" means letting the first family make that decision WITH you (and keep making it over time).

For us, the result has been a little disappointing, since we didn't just simply "get our way" (especially since we thought our way would be what a first mother would want to do). But it is an even more valid relationship for that very fact. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:22 AM COMMENT-BODY:I am a birth and adoptive Mom who has just found your blog. Our daughter is from China, and I would give anything to find / be able to try to have a relationship with her birth family. Her sadness at adoption will undoubtedly be so magnified by the gaping hole of not knowing her birth mother especially. I think open adoptions can be beautiful and clearly in the best interests of the child when they can work out. Good luck. Liking your blog.
DS-L -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:34 AM COMMENT-BODY:Snicker, snicker.
M, I think this is a wonderful and creative way to go about things, so much saner than anything I'm familiar with. No, it won't come out anything like what we try to anticipate, but nothing in life ever does; it can still be awfully good. I have even less idea what place there is for grandparents in this whole thing. I stand waiting. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Michele COMMENT-DATE:10:47 AM COMMENT-BODY:While I dont have direct experience with OA.. a very close cousin (we were raised like sisters) does. She is the birth parent. Her role in the adoptive family has been somewhat of an out of town auntie. (The baby is 2 yrs old) They exchange letters and cards and she plans to visit perhaps twice a year in the spring and then again in the fall. ( They went to the beach for a vacation together last summer) Allowing the adoptive family to create thier own holiday traditions, but still allowing herself to create an appropriate pressence in the baby's life. So far we as the extended family have pretty much treated them as if the baby was thier biological child and they just suddenly became a part of our famly. Weve just looked at it as they adopted our family member, so we adopt them right back. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Poor_Statue COMMENT-DATE:3:10 PM COMMENT-BODY:So I stink at commenting on people's blogs and my recent move and subsequent upheaval of my whole existence has only made it worse.

But I'll de-lurk.

I recommend reading The Open Adoption Experience by Roszia. My daughter's mom and I both read it and it made a huge diffeence for us and really helped us understand that everything we were experiencing was normal.

As far as openness itself, I feel really strongly about it. I think it has to stay about the kid and that while each relationship is different that there does have to be a relationship even though there will be lots of times when both sides want to pull away.

Anyway, I'm really happy for you. I was so disappointed when everything got put on hold.

Feel free to ask me questions anytime and if you ever wanted a coffee get-together, I'm actually in the same state as you. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:5:37 PM COMMENT-BODY:I have been a birth mom for nearly six years now. After my child was born, I was given the impression by the a-parents that we would have a happy, extended-family "relationship" and that there would be lots of photos and letters and phone calls and semi-frequent visits. After my last face-to-face visit just over two years ago, I haven't seen them since. The A-mother decided it was best to not have as many frequent visits because she felt(my opinion) that I was smothering them. I haven't even received a photo since that last visit.

I am feeling scared that they will not be forthcoming when it comes to telling their daughter the truth about who she is and where she came from. At this point, all she knows is "she was in her mommy's heart." What does that mean? Nothing else has been mentioned and there is nothing I can do about it. Go figure. They have a child, and at one time, she was mine first. Forgive me, but that's how I feel. :( -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M. COMMENT-DATE:6:56 PM COMMENT-BODY:Anonymous (this most recent Anonymous)- please don't apologize for your feelings. Your daughter WAS yours first, and that will also be part of her. Part of why I value hearing from birthparents/first parents so much is because, never having been on that end of things, I need to hear this so that I can do everything I can to do even just a little better by the people who give birth and choose me to raise their child - and of course for the child him or herself. Thanks for saying what you've said here. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 10:05:00 PM ----- BODY:
I didn't expect that those last few lines would set off such a firestorm. Today was not the day. My fuse is very, very short. Bryan, respectful disagreement is welcome here. Five comments calling into question my fundamental ability to make the choices that everyone should be able to make is over my limit. I hope you won't find me rude when I say: thanks for playing, game over. Dad, Art-Sweet, Shirky, Ms. Florida, Femiknit Mafia: a big hug to each of you. I hope I have a chance to return the favor. It means a lot. We are still fighting the legal fight. Everything else is in place, but your guess is as good as mine as to whether this adoption can happen. We thought we had resolved it, but we were wrong. The state where the baby will be born plumb hates us queers. I'm sick of fighting for my family. I'm not done - not even close - but I'm sick of it.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Dawn COMMENT-DATE:10:53 PM COMMENT-BODY:I don't even know what to say. I've just been wringing my hands over at bloglines. I'm so sorry that the world is so damn backwards and that you're bearing the brunt of that in this struggle to build your family. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:16 PM COMMENT-BODY:What the F??? I am sorry you had to deal with that, especially with all the other things you have on your plate right now. As my own M would say, Stupid Stupidheads! I am sending all my good juju to help you get through these trying times. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:12:19 AM COMMENT-BODY:Oy! M, I haven't been commenting lately but want you and I. to know that this family in Denver is rooting hard for your sweet family. Just caught up on the last few postings, and I am broken-hearted over it all. Take good care of yourselves, girls. There have got to be good things a'comin... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger carrym COMMENT-DATE:1:39 AM COMMENT-BODY:Yeah, tired is a good way to put it. But glad to hear you're not giving up the fight.

I have to admit I got to have my kids the "easy" way, but now that I have them I still have the fight, parenting, loving, living, none of that should have to be a battle...

Good on you for the dialog on the last post. I would have gone ballistic and become a bit less...um...elequent (or is that elephant)? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Bryan White COMMENT-DATE:2:03 AM COMMENT-BODY:m wrote:
"Five comments calling into question my fundamental ability to make the choices that everyone should be able to make is over my limit."

Hmmm. That was the very point at issue, I believe.
Regardless, I shall take my leave as requested.

Peace. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:9:17 AM COMMENT-BODY:Well said.
You have a strong community here in blogland and in real-time too. We're circling the wagons. Feel the love? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Foxxy One COMMENT-DATE:9:23 AM COMMENT-BODY:I just wanted to say I'm sorry there are more wrenches being through into the wheels. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger J COMMENT-DATE:9:56 AM COMMENT-BODY:The fact that you're dealing with all this crap is....unfair, painful, and just plain awful.

I hope that the team of cheerleaders rooting you on (myself included,) the familial support that you've obviously got (your dad gets it, and that's awesome) and the desired result of a real, live, baby of your own are enough reasons to keep you fighting. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:9:58 AM COMMENT-BODY:M., what happened with Bryan sucks--I'm sorry you had to go through it. And I'm even sorrier that another state is giving you hell for your legal marriage. Petunia and I are rooting for you and I., and we're kepping you, the baby, and the baby's parents in our thoughts. Hugs from Worcester! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger nina beana COMMENT-DATE:3:34 PM COMMENT-BODY:sending hugs. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:12:42 AM COMMENT-BODY:On vacation, not supposed to be on the internet, but quickly. Love,peace and power. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger My Baby Ain't White COMMENT-DATE:9:25 AM COMMENT-BODY:Just throwing in my two cents to say how frustrating it is to see such an archaic train of thought stil running rampant throughout our country. And to see my friends suffer because of it is heartbreaking. Hugs to you, friend.

Your friends in tolerance,
~Scott, Karen and Gwen -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:52 AM COMMENT-BODY:Sorry you're going through so much in this process. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you both. It's so frustrating that there are so many obstacles. And the obstacles are just people being pig-headed, and bigoted, and just plain wrong. Yippee, welcome to 2006 in America. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger wen COMMENT-DATE:11:54 AM COMMENT-BODY:I'm so sorry to hear that you're being discriminated against. I don't have kids, but I am engaged (to another woman) and so I know the "hey, you can't do that because you're queer") feeling. Yuck. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 11:21:00 AM ----- BODY:
I am too exhausted by this homophobic, family-hatin' bullshit to say anything articulate, so I'll just say: what she said. I'm not all up in their grill telling them that they shouldn't feel so entitled to their rights. If we don't live our lives the way you think we should live them, why can't that be our problem?
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:12:15 PM COMMENT-BODY:In the richest country in the world, with the most conspicuous consumption EVER, its funny to direct comments about entitlement at the queers. Why not tackle poverty first? The bishops could be potificating about a lot of other issues... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Bryan White COMMENT-DATE:12:20 PM COMMENT-BODY:Stop a moment and ask yourself whether or not you would oppose laws defining marriage as between two persons (in other words, barring state recognition of plural marriage).

It's possible that you don't see any harm in the plural marriage arrangement, but then again, maybe you do see some harm in it.

I'd like to hear your thoughts. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M. COMMENT-DATE:12:49 PM COMMENT-BODY:Bryan,

I don't know specifically how I feel about plural marriage, but I do believe that rights should not be tied to marriage, and that marriage should not be denied to consenting adults because others feel that they are not entitled to it.

As a person in a legally sanctioned same-sex marriage, I have to say that the legitimacy and protection the state of Massachusetts provides to my family is something I am grateful for and - yes - feel entitled to every single day. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Shirky COMMENT-DATE:12:52 PM COMMENT-BODY:I have an exaggerated sense of pissed-off-ness. Are the two related in any way? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Bryan White COMMENT-DATE:1:10 PM COMMENT-BODY:m,
Thanks for replying.
I was trying to put you in the shoes of RCC officials, but if you're ambivalent toward plural marriage then you'd probably allow states with significant minorities of Mormon splinter groups to enter into their extended familial contracts without complaint, and we're left without a common foundation for discussion.

What rights do you think are tied to marriage, BTW? The government grants certain privileges to families based on (state recognition of) marriage--is that what you're counting as a "right"? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M. COMMENT-DATE:1:49 PM COMMENT-BODY:Bryan, there are more than 1,400 state and federal rights granted to married people that unmarried people are not entitled to.

If you want to call things like access to social security and the ability to make life-or-death medical decisions for your partner a privilege, I think that's also where we lose our common ground.

If you'd like more information about these rights you can look at http://www.glad.org/rights/Marriage_v_CU_chart.pdf, which I think is a great resource. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Bryan White COMMENT-DATE:2:35 PM COMMENT-BODY:m,
I'm getting a defensive vibe from you.

The site you referenced, as I somewhat suspected, files all manner of government allowances under the heading of "rights". What they are, really, are liberties that are bound by statute or privileges (as with Social Security) provided by the government.
Marriage is fundamentally a contractual arrangement, and one that society recognizes for the purpose of encouraging families (particularly fertile families). With the latter end in mind, the government arranges for benefits that accrue to the desired outcome--fertile families.

Is the government wrong to do this?
If so, why? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Shirky COMMENT-DATE:2:52 PM COMMENT-BODY:What's yer point, Bryan? You don't want to call them rights? That bothers you? Fine, call them privileges, but why does The Man hand out these privileges to other people and I can't have them, even if I do all the same things as those other people? What, are they better than me? fuck that noise.

"fertility" is a pained and hoary argument, btw. It's so full of holes, I mean, I can sink it and I'm hardly the world's greatest rhetorical talent. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M. COMMENT-DATE:3:10 PM COMMENT-BODY:Bryan,

If you have read my blog, you will know that I am a lesbian, not entitled to "privileges," as you call them, entitled to every consenting heterosexual adult in this country. You will also know that I am planning to adopt, and that I am currently fighting the state government where the child I hope to adopt will be born because they do not want to grant me, as a married lesbian, the "privilege" of adopting.

So yes, defensive. And I wonder if you have ever been questioned, insulted, ignored, threatened, or banned based on a fundamental part of you.

It is your right to disagree with me, but know that I am not interested in defending my right to the legal protection I - and everybody - deserve. I need my energy to fight the government on that front. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Bryan White COMMENT-DATE:4:05 PM COMMENT-BODY:shirky, m,
shirky,
My point is that the arguments I've seen that advocate homosexual marriage are flawed; moreover I am in favor of reasoned dialogue on the issues instead of rhetoric designed to appeal to emotion.
If you think you can sink the argument, then do it. Don't keep me in suspense.

m, you are entitled to the very privileges that you deny are available to you. Heterosexual unions (marriage) are available to the vast majority (not all; close relations may be barred from having marriages recognized). The heterosexual is barred from having same-sex marriage recognized, exactly as are you.

The question that begs to be asked is why the government has an interest in marriage in the first place.

Part of the word verification was "pez". :)

I have been discriminated against in some minor ways--I wouldn't presume that what I've experienced is comparable to what you've experienced; on the other hand, I like to think that my experiences offer me insight into yours that allow me to put myself into your shoes to a degree (provided they're 10 1/2-11, men's). -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:4:08 PM COMMENT-BODY:Bryan, my darling little troll, I'd like to hear your thoughts on why we should let infertile, impotent, or post-menopausal people marry. After all, they're not going to be able to reproduce. Perhaps you ought to have to produce a viable semen specimen and sign a contract promising to forfeit all the benefits of marriage if you don't procreate within the first ten years of your marriage?

Simply put, the privileges granted to heterosexuals in marriage (regardless of fertility) result in financial benefits in the hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of a lifetime. See http://www.thetaskforce.org/downloads/CTMarriageStudy.pdf for my facts.

Given that my sexuality is no more a personal choice than my skin color is, the federal laws that prevent me from marrying my partner and obtaining these very tangible benefits are prejudical treatment. No more, no less.

Finally, re: gay marriage = a slippery slope to polygamy. I think pflag says it best:

"The question of who can marry is a different question from how many can marry. We are asking the government to grant same-sex couples the same rights it grants opposite-sex couples. Since the government has chosen to involve itself in the relationship of two individuals, for it to choose which couples get marriage rights is discrimination." -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Bryan White COMMENT-DATE:4:57 PM COMMENT-BODY:art-sweet,

The blog host is welcome to ask me not to post, and I would oblige if so asked.
I have not been disrespectful, so far as I can tell. Why am I being called a "troll" apart from an effort to make me "other" and thus worthy of disdain?

Why should infertile couples be allowed to marry? Because checking heterosexual couples for fertility would be waste of time. The point that infertile couples are of less practical use to society (in that they fail to fulfil the aim of marriage incentives) is quite legitimate, however. I would support civil unions for such couples if you went on a crusade to prevent them from having marriages recognized by the state.

If dissenting views cannot be tolerated here, I will not overstay my welcome. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Shirky COMMENT-DATE:5:05 PM COMMENT-BODY:hey Bryan, (if that is your real name)
art-sweet already pointed out that marriage rights and privileges are granted to couples who are not fertile. Therefore, marriage rights and privileges are obviously not reserved for the fertile. If you say you've never heard that before, I say, pull the other one.

and dear lord, you can't be serious with this disingenuous "you can marry a dude if you want the rights" bullshit. If you can marry the person who you love, and who loves you more than anything, why can't I? We've already thrown out "fertility", and we can agree that "religion" is an equally bogus reason. What are we left with?

All arguments on your side eventually boil down to this: you want to enforce a one penis per marriage rule. I think that's stupid. Will we ever agree? Doubt it! I'm just not as fond of penises as you are, I guess. In spite of the fact that I find penises pretty foreign and a little icky, I would never prevent you from having--nor would I troll people's adoption blogs for openings to weakly disparage--your One-Penis Marriage. I think it's great if you find a nice rightwing troll lady and settle down. More love in the world, even if it's your freaky kind of love! It's insulting that The Man can't allow me the same dignity and loving commitment. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Shirky COMMENT-DATE:5:12 PM COMMENT-BODY:PS You will find that when you go to someone's personal non-political blog to pick a fight about something important to them, you get called a troll. If it repeats rightwing talking points like a duck, well--you know. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:8:41 PM COMMENT-BODY:Bryan, It is a bit disingenuous to pout about "defensiveness" and intolerance toward dissent.

You chose, I assume knowingly, a personal blog on building a family – with two women heading it. To coolly pose inflammatory questions and pretend you didn’t expect a heated reaction is just silly. Of course the issue is personal, and if it isn’t for you, why are you choosing this forum to argue?

Everyone knows you don’t pick a fight with an expecting woman…

As for me, I've met the requirement for marriage as outlined by you. Fertile (enough), reproduced, and parenting. Sure, my partner is a woman, but I have the baby so I'm doing my part to raise the next generation of workers, taxpayers and voters... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:8:43 PM COMMENT-BODY:(That's M's dad)
Several points, people:
1) Government has a legitimate concern with enforcing contractual obligations, and therefore - for everyone's protection - needs to be a party to marriage. But how does it have either an obligation or a right to define which adults can enter into that contract?
2) Where in the Constitution does it say the government has an interest in fertility? And if it does, why not give it the power to regulate bith control or non-marital sex, or to ban post-menopausal women from marrying?
3) Polygamy is a time-honored institution. If you don't believe me, read the Book of Genesis. As long as people fulfill their responsibilities to their partners and children, I dont see why government should dictate how many people can enter into a marital contract. Whether or not it's a good arrangement is up to the people who have to live with it. I haven't noticed that 2-person heterosexual marriage has been such an enormous success, either. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:8:43 PM COMMENT-BODY:(That's M's dad)
Several points, people:
1) Government has a legitimate concern with enforcing contractual obligations, and therefore - for everyone's protection - needs to be a party to marriage. But how does it have either an obligation or a right to define which adults can enter into that contract?
2) Where in the Constitution does it say the government has an interest in fertility? And if it does, why not give it the power to regulate bith control or non-marital sex, or to ban post-menopausal women from marrying?
3) Polygamy is a time-honored institution. If you don't believe me, read the Book of Genesis. As long as people fulfill their responsibilities to their partners and children, I dont see why government should dictate how many people can enter into a marital contract. Whether or not it's a good arrangement is up to the people who have to live with it. I haven't noticed that 2-person heterosexual marriage has been such an enormous success, either. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:9:22 PM COMMENT-BODY:M., your dad RAWKS.

I'd like to introduce him to my dad, who sent me an email today with the succinct header:

"an awful decision"

In this saddening, maddening world, I think we're pretty lucky in our families of origin. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:9:29 PM COMMENT-BODY:Today has been a very emotional day. Difficult. Heart-breaking. Sore. Raw.

Bryan W. White -- please, I ask you to leave my M. alone. She doesn't need this shit right now. I believe I speak for all when I say that you're not welcome here tonight. You have indeed overstayed your welcome. Please leave.

M. -- with all that's happening, I'm VERY impressed that you engaged in this discussion at all. You're a brave girl, my dear friend. Hang in there. Tight hugs. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger LilySea COMMENT-DATE:2:40 PM COMMENT-BODY:"Dissenting views?" What a lovely euphemism for bigotry. As if the right of humans to be treated as humans was open for debate! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Diane S. COMMENT-DATE:12:15 AM COMMENT-BODY:I'll join you in saying "What she said." The creation of a second class citizenry is against every democratic principle I hold dear.

More than anything, I think the Christian Right (and I am a Christian) needs to wake up to the hate that constitutes their policies towards homosexuals. Sure they can quote all sorts of scriptures where the bible (including the new testament) condemns homosexuality. It also condemns greed, drunkness, and adultery. When I see the Christian Right go after the perpetrators of these sins, then - and only then - will I believe that their motivation is faith based and not homophobia clothed in righteousness.

I'm sorry to see you taking such flack for your position on this issue. Don't let the bastards get you down. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:47 AM COMMENT-BODY:M., you rock, your dad rocks, all your supporters rock. People who attack you on your personal blog (yes, it's public, but you're not a political candidate for pete's sake, so let's be serious here) are apparently just fond of picking fights they can't win to upset strangers.

Don't let it get you down. Good luck! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:4:49 PM COMMENT-BODY:Shirky, you are awesome. Your response to Bryan was some of the best stuff I've ever read.

M, I send you all my good wishes.

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I do love me a long weekend. Beach day yesterday, one of my favorite beaches in the area... I had the day off, and my girl had to "work," but since the two older boys were doing their own thing yesterday, "work" meant the two of us took the 6-year-old to the beach all day. This kid was thrilled, third child that she is, to have the exclusive attention of two adults all day long, and she was a gem all day. She even wrote in the sand "I love Mom and Mom." Hah! The girl was in fantasy land, and we got a huge kick out of her, toothless smile and all. It has been a roller coaster of a weekend. So many good summer things - dinners with old friends and new friends, playing in the yard and trying to cut the Grass That Ate Boston, smoothies with FKM and Little Man (who melted down immediately everytime anyone uttered the phrase "ice cream" and kept us laughing all day), the annual day-long strawberry picking and freezing festival with my sisters-in-law, kayaking today in the Neponset River. But in between all the lovely, distracting summer indulgences, I just feel... fearful. I worry about whether this adoption will go through. Will we be parents next month? Are the baby's parents okay? Do they feel like they're making the right decision? Do they have support from the people who care about them? If we keep moving forward from here, can we live through the next few weeks of anxiety, waiting for the baby's birth and to see how the parents feel once the baby arrives in the flesh? I obsess over strollers - orange or lime green? - and then decide this won't happen at all and why am I even bothering? I pet my cats, curled up in tight little balls on the bed, and wonder if by next month they'll be taking refuge under the bed to get away from a screaming baby. When I water the plants I wonder if next month they'll be totally neglected, or if I'll be gardening like a fool trying to fill up the time I thought might be occupied by a baby. This limbo is starting to get to me.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:12:46 PM COMMENT-BODY:Hey there,

I'm new to Boston and just noticed that you mentioned kayaking on the Neponset River. We've been trying to find a good place to kayak around here that isn't a full sea excursion.

Can you tell me where you put in and what it's like? Do you go all the way to the estuary?

Thanks!
G & M (mariaandgrace @ mac dot com) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger LilySea COMMENT-DATE:2:36 PM COMMENT-BODY:Lime green, of course!

If not next month, you'll need it eventually!

: ) -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:14:00 PM ----- BODY:
That is me. And that is all I can manage tonight. How can I be so exhausted when I am not even the pregnant one?
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:11 PM COMMENT-BODY:I swear I think those last couple of weeks are just hell no matter if you are adopting or pregnant. There is just uncertainty and anticipation in the air and it just colors your whole life. Have a glass of wine and a bubble bath or read or watch something trashy and try to get your mind somewhere else for a few minutes. By the way it won't work, you'll still be thinking about it. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:11:16 PM COMMENT-BODY:so excited, so curious, so very excited for you! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:12:30 PM COMMENT-BODY:We have our fingers crossed for the two of you. Sending good thoughts your way! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Genevieve Hinson COMMENT-DATE:1:30 PM COMMENT-BODY:Careful of the weight gain while waiting too! ;) I learned that one the hard way haha. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Laura COMMENT-DATE:2:30 PM COMMENT-BODY:I'm just catching up and it's so exciting! I'll be sending good adoption vibes your way... -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 10:15:00 PM ----- BODY:
Things are looking up! We finally got an answer we wanted from a lawyer who has done this. Thank you to all of you who mentioned second-parent adoption back in our home state. You're right, this happens all the time - except that, ironically, it's much more complicated because we're married. Even though most other states don't recognize the marriage, if the state we're adopting from knows we're married in MA, they could refuse to approve the interstate compact because married couples, by law, adopt simultaneously - which isn't allowed by the state that has to approve the compact. Please, take a moment to untie the knot I've just tied you in. Anyway, I think we've figured out how to do it. We've found someone we trust to do it for us. The agency is busting their butts, our social worker rocks, and we knocked a handful of smaller but important stumbling blocks off the list today. Our profile is winging its' way via overnight mail to the parents, who already have most of the information that's in it. More to come when we have more to report.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger carrym COMMENT-DATE:10:46 PM COMMENT-BODY:Oh yay!!! I am sending postive thoughts your way...

I just got done reading your last post, whew! what a rollercoaster, I wish I could offer some pearls of wisdom, but all I have to say is that it will all be worth it...everything always is when it comes to the kiddos (hope that doesn't sound too trite) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:53 PM COMMENT-BODY:Whew! What a roller coaster indeed! If you are what the birthparents need and they are what you need, then I hope hope hope that things start running smoothly for everyone involved.

Let's hear it for great ethical adoption agencies and social workers!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:21 PM COMMENT-BODY:Oh my god ! I can't imagine how nuts you must feel. We only knew our profile was looked at once (they passed on us). When Noelle and K chose us we heard after the fact. This just must be pins and needles. I am so thinking good thoughts for everyone. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger LilySea COMMENT-DATE:11:41 PM COMMENT-BODY:Fingers crossed (and toes, etc.) over here.
Keep us posted!!!!!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Erin COMMENT-DATE:10:02 AM COMMENT-BODY:I've got everything crossed and double crossed for you all, and I'll keep your family, this maybe-baby and her/his parents in my thoughts...

Thanks for letting us follow along... I'm totally reliving my son's adoption through these posts. :) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:10:19 AM COMMENT-BODY:Fingers and toes crossed here, too!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:1:26 PM COMMENT-BODY:Good luck! Glad things are looking up, what a mess and what a stressful several days for you! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:1:41 PM COMMENT-BODY:WOW, M.! That's so exciting! I'm thinking good thoughts for you guys. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Hashbrown COMMENT-DATE:8:22 AM COMMENT-BODY:M,
My fingers are crossed for you and your wife. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Genevieve Hinson COMMENT-DATE:1:29 PM COMMENT-BODY:So exciting! Keeping my fingers crossed for you (and sending good adoption energy your way too!) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:08 PM COMMENT-BODY:I've been lurking a lot and am really hoping that you can make this all work. How exciting that you might be parents this month! -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 5:21:00 PM ----- BODY:
This post was written over several days, but not posted until now because I wasn't quite ready. You know how it goes. Friday night 6/23 Oh my. We have... a situation. Tonight we met with a social worker who presented this to us: a couple due in late July with a baby they are unable to raise. Their life is... difficult. More difficult than I think I can really imagine. They are making an adoption plan. They haven't seen our profile, but the social worker has talked to them about us, and they like the sound of us. We were given their paperwork. First names, family histories, medical histories, education level, hobbies. All in her handwriting. They live in a very conservative state, one that has written things against our relationship into their state constitution. This is tricky. More legal work needs to be done to see if this is even truly a possibility. At best, we will have to submit a different version of our home study, one that says one of us is an adoptive parent and one of us is a roommate. That's painful - we've never been in the closet and don't have any intention of starting now - but something I think we can live with, since the parents and both agencies (the one in their state and the one we're working with) have the real information and our profile, and we could still finalize an adoption together in our home state. To be determined. If that looks like a go, the agency will send this family our profile, and after that we will get more medical information. This weekend we do legal research and crunch bank account numbers. And run around in circles, panicking. Tonight, though... After our meeting we got into the car together, talking a mile a minute, hardly letting each other finish a sentence. We walked through the grocery store in a fog, pulling things indiscriminately off shelves. I. drove me back to my car and called my cell phone before I had the key in the ignition. We couldn't stop talking until we had nothing left to say. I hope they don't need us. And I hope we can be there for them if they do. So I don't know what to hope for. Their loss is our gain. It's such a difficult thing to want. ***************** Sunday 6/25, 5:30 pm I lost my cool about an hour ago. I was doing okay. Yesterday I woke up with nausea-inducing levels of heartburn, but then I went to the gym and sweated my way into a little bit of a zen state (and better digestion). Last night we had family over for dinner, fajitas on the grill and wine and good company and great distraction. Then I. woke me up at 3 to ask me how on earth I could be sleeping, and even then I keep my cool, mumbling something about how if this was meant to be it would happen and wrapping my arms around her before I fell asleep again. Today, though. We talked to our social worker and I just have a knot in my stomach. She doesn't know if this can happen legally. We're still trying to figure out if this state actually has a ban on same-sex couples adopting, and how or if their marriage ban affects us. She's not feeling optimistic about it. We're not sure if the placement agency is saying it's possible because they have more information than we do, or way less. I'm not feeling good about it right now. In 10 minutes I might feel differently. Today we met a lesbian couple who just adopted a baby from Louisiana - hardly a queer-friendly state. But they're not married. We're still not sure how much difference it makes, since the marriage isn't recognized outside the state lines. Tomorrow: set up a case conference with the placement agency and our social worker to figure out if this is even a possibility before our profile goes to the family. Fingers crossed that the agency did their homework and wouldn't really have told a family about us without knowing if this was even a legal possibility. I'm starting to get why people use terms like "roller coaster" to describe this process. And I keep thinking: as hard as this feels for us right now, this is 1000 times worse for this baby's parents. Oh boy. ****************** Sunday, 8:30 pm I thought I was losing it around 5:30? I was wrong. Now I'm really losing it. My wife went out to dinner with her mom, and I'm pacing back and forth across our (not-so-large) apartment. Why? It's not like I'm waiting for the phone to ring. Nothing can even begin to get sorted out until tomorrow. Must. Find. Distraction. Or at least something to knock me unconscious. ******************** Monday, 11 am Spent half the night twilighting, my brain still going a hundred miles an hour. This can't possibly be how the whole process will work. This level of anxiety can't possibly be sustained (even by me - and that's saying a lot). Have already left messages with several legal hotlines to get their opinion. The agency is working with their own lawyer on it. Stupid homophobic states. ******************* Monday, 1:15 pm Legal information looking better. The Mom went to the hospital this weekend, believing she was in labor. They sent her home. Someone in my office must have Tums. ******************* Monday 9:20 pm Made about a hundred phone calls today to GLAD, Lambda Legal, National Center for Lesbian Rights, various lawyers. Apparently the reason we can't get a straight answer is because there is no straight answer. Welcome to uncharted legal territory, an exciting place to begin building your family. ****************** Tuesday, 12:30 pm Oh. my. god. Can we PLEASE get a straight freakin' answer?
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:5:40 PM COMMENT-BODY:Good Luck.

Could one of you adopt and then the second do a second parent adoption in your home state? In Minnesota we can do second parent adoption.

Anyway hang in there. I know it's a crazy ride. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:5:55 PM COMMENT-BODY:holy crap. holy crapity crap crap crap.

And then the puckish side of my brain says: Do you really want a straight answer?

I hope this works out the right way for you - whatever that may be.

Holy crap! You're going to have a baby (one of these days) I think I have to learn to knit. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:6:10 PM COMMENT-BODY:Wow. Fast.

I second anon. isn't there a way one of you can adopt the baby in the red state and then bring it home to the blue state and essentially do something similar to a step-parent adoption?

Here is what I am hoping for peace and grace for all involved, no matter how it turns out. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:8:31 PM COMMENT-BODY:The emotional contortions that come along with the not-quite-legal status our families have in so many contexts just suck. I'm sorry: you'll get through it, but it sucks. I guess maybe you can try to channel some of the power we can access from your status as married lesbians with the ability to threaten civilization and use it for good? :).

Or maybe just knowing your readers are out there rooting for you guys will make a teeny bit of difference in a sucky situation. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:9:32 PM COMMENT-BODY:Oh lord. Whose ass can I kick? Flames I can throw?

or

should I start knitting somethin' right quick?

LOVELOVELOVE to you and I. and strength from the other outcast family. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Erin COMMENT-DATE:10:49 PM COMMENT-BODY:My very non-legal understanding is that the rules of the state you'll be finalizing in are the ones that apply. As for ICPC, the new 'single parent' homestudy should work.... ??

Annnyway... holy sh*t!! I reeeally hope this works out for you, and as someone who had a 4 week match pre-birth.... I remember these crazy-making days all too well. *hugs* I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger LilySea COMMENT-DATE:10:51 PM COMMENT-BODY:God, what a mess. One thing we found is that adoption professionals can be all for gay adoption, but that doesn't mean they understand how it's done or any of the legal specifics involved. So I did all the homework myself and then informed the social workers of what we needed.

In short, don't trust the placement agency to know more than you. You probably know more than they do.

The marriage would complicate any attempt to be closeted in any version of a homestudy though, since there's a legal paper trail of your relationship--whether it's recognized legally or not, it will be proveable that you are queer. I've been advised not to get married anywhere if we ever want to do an international adoption for this reason.

I hope all works out well for everyone involved. And that's all I've got!

You all will be in my prayers. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger J COMMENT-DATE:9:21 AM COMMENT-BODY:Though this is crazy, and stressful - I got agita just reading your post - This is also incredibly exciting...and good.

I'm sure the urge to keep your feelings "cool" is huge, but I'm also sure that excitement is starting to build up and boil over.

I wish nothing but the best for you and I....Good Luck! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:29 AM COMMENT-BODY:Oh geez, good luck! I'm rooting for you! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Foxxy One COMMENT-DATE:11:59 AM COMMENT-BODY:Your post made me cry. WHY WHY WHY do we have these laws in our country in today's day and age? Who has the right to tell a parent who can and cannot adopt their child? Oh, this is making me so angry for you and your wife!

You and I and this family are in my prayers. I hope things work out for everyone involved. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:12:54 PM COMMENT-BODY:Oh, M.! I'm excited and scared and hopeful and worried for you and I., all at once. And I'm with Julie--I'm *furious* that homophobic laws are complicating an already stressful situation. My heart goes out to both of you, and to the baby's parents as well. You're all in my thoughts. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:15 PM COMMENT-BODY:the emotional rollercoaster is unavoidable. you need somewhere/somehow to center yourself because the coaster is fun a lot of the time but there are times it will make you sick. Then is when you need to get off the ride for a short time and give yourself a break.
Even when it seems like there are a million obstacles to being a parent, just know that one day you will be
Good Luck! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:5:38 PM COMMENT-BODY:If this exceptant couple chooses you, would there be any chance of them giving birth in a gay friendlier state? Yours?

Our son's birthmom gave birth in our state -- which was her request as she did not tell her family of her pregnancy. There's no ICPC process if this child was born in Mass.... I have no idea if this couple (or you) would be okay with this, but if their hearts are set on you being the parents and there's no other way, it's an idea....

GOod luck! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Hashbrown COMMENT-DATE:8:29 AM COMMENT-BODY:M.
I hear you about the legal limbo of no clear answers about LGBT issues. I am in one of those for a different reason and it is crazy making. Good luck with it all.

I am so excited and nervous for you and I. I cannot even imagine the stress even though I know AJWP and I will be there in a few months of so. Good luck. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 10:56:00 AM ----- BODY:
Our tax dollars at work. The war on Fluffernutter escalates in Legislature. The Boston Globe, 6/22/06 A Fluffernutter war has begun in the Massachusetts Legislature. Countering a state senator's attempt to limit servings of Marshmallow Fluff in schools, a state representative said yesterday she would file her own bill to make the Fluffernutter the state's official sandwich. Read more, if you're so inclined. It's kind of like driving past a bad car accident and you just have to look, despite yourself. Gah.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Shirky COMMENT-DATE:11:21 AM COMMENT-BODY:imagine a car crash where a truck of fluff spilled...mmmmm....hazardlicious. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:26 AM COMMENT-BODY:I have two questions:

1. Since when do they server marshmallow fluff in schools??? Not where I'm from, kids.

2. Why does anyone care? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:1:00 PM COMMENT-BODY:Good lord. I'm all for healthy foods in the schools, so let's ban all sorts of crap that's served/provided. But someone actually suggested a state sandwich? File under: are you effing kidding me? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger J COMMENT-DATE:1:13 PM COMMENT-BODY:It's been hard to avoid this "news" if you live in New England.

My (queer) lawyer for the state friend says that the guy who introduced the ban is a gay parent who is trying to prove that gay parents care about their kids.

He's going about it a weird weird way.

This is so not news.

But boy do I want a fluffernutter right now! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:2:33 PM COMMENT-BODY:Yeah, Barrios is a gay parent but can't he just call the school and yell at them? That's what my mom always did. Just because you're a legislator doesn't mean you have to make a law about fluff. For Pete's sake.

Besides, doesn't the school have to provide a lunch menu? So shouldn't you know ahead of time that they're going to serve your kid fluff and then you can prevent it from happening? Just an idea. But the whole thing is insanity. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Lo COMMENT-DATE:10:12 PM COMMENT-BODY:I grew up in the The War on Fluff state (among other places) and I freely admit being served the occasional Fluffernutter at school. Sometimes if you said you didn't want the hot lunch and you wanted peanut butter....they had a Flufernutter for you.
Here, my friends, is the real issue: to this day my parents do not know about this. They were not really Fluff kind of people. The kid should have kept his mouth shut. :-) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:10:30 PM COMMENT-BODY:Hmmm....so there are a few downsides to living where you do, even if you can be legally married and I can't.

I do remember reading quite a nice article in Yankee magazine a few years ago about some elementary school class' (successful) effort to get Boston Cream Pie declared the state's official dessert. But that was a far less contentious effort. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Hashbrown COMMENT-DATE:5:28 AM COMMENT-BODY:Good Lord, isn't there something Barrios could be legislating on that is more imperative, like homelessness, or the MBTA's upcoming price hike, or raising minimum wage? Come on, he is a smart man, or was until this happened. He looks now like a doof. Like Jenny said, why doesn't he bring this up with the school or at the PTA meeting? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M. COMMENT-DATE:7:12 AM COMMENT-BODY:Wait - lo: there's actually a War on Fluff STATE? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Lo COMMENT-DATE:1:39 PM COMMENT-BODY:Sorry, M., no, I just meant that I lived in Mass. for a time. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 3:06:00 PM ----- BODY:
I got a $125,000 grant today! This almost triples the capacity of my itty-bitty non-profit program. Now I'm ever gay-er for pay (though it doesn't rhyme as well).
Yeah!!!!
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:17 PM COMMENT-BODY:Oh my god! Congratulations!!! I was over the moon at 16,500 for mine, you must be ecstatic!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:3:29 PM COMMENT-BODY:CONGRATULATIONS! That's wonderful news! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:40 PM COMMENT-BODY:WOO! Congratulations! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Dawn COMMENT-DATE:3:58 PM COMMENT-BODY:Wow that is AWESOME!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger charlotte COMMENT-DATE:4:32 PM COMMENT-BODY:That's AWESOME!!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger avonlea COMMENT-DATE:9:58 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congrats that's great news, I bet you'll put it to great use too. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:10:01 PM COMMENT-BODY:you go!!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger J COMMENT-DATE:10:06 AM COMMENT-BODY:This is incredible! Great news! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:11:51 AM COMMENT-BODY:YIPPEEEEE! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:45 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations! My mom is always applying for grants and I know it's so much work and stress. (She works at Head Start in Knox County, TN.)

Good job! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger *G* COMMENT-DATE:9:31 PM COMMENT-BODY:Cool! A well-deserved congrats!

What will you do to celebrate!?!? -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 8:50:00 PM ----- BODY:
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:11:49 AM COMMENT-BODY:So nice! It looks like you two had a lovely weekend. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 4:49:00 PM ----- BODY:
We had an accident today. It was one of those accidents where your car turns all by itself and before you know it you're 12 miles south of your neighborhood and inside Babies R Us. And then before you know it someone shoves one of those registry guns to the palm of your hand and runs away. Dude, that store is SCARY. I can't even talk about all the insane "you absolutely must have this" lists, complete with bar codes so you can scan things into your registry RIGHT FROM THE CATALOG EVEN WHILE YOU'RE STANDING IN THE STORE. And I won't touch the fact that it's a nationally-owned chain store (blah) that exists in practically every large suburb in the country, squashing all the locally owned stores except the ones that charge $34 for a freakin' onesie, and looks like something they might use to teach people in another country a course called American Consumerism 101. (Of course I wasn't the least bit tempted to buy anything. I'm just that virtuous). But the gender stuff. Oh my. Fire trucks on clothing in the "boys" section and kittens in the "girls" clothing section is bad enough. That stuff has made me insane for years. It's out of control and I hate it, but at least I get the historical context. And, while the whole store is full to vomiting of pastels, the pastels are of course very carefully color-coded. In addition to the predictable pinks and blues, there is also lavender for girls, and light green for boys. Is this progress? (I should stop here in my rant and point out that both Artifically Sweetened and Cheese and Whine recently posted much more coherent and thoughtful posts about gender. And I would love to contribute to the discussion when I'm not having Post-Babies R Us-Syndrome. But that day is not today). Anyway, you know what just put me completely over the top? Turtles. Clothing with turtles on it is for boys, according to BRU. Why? Are turtles all boys? Do turtles symbilize some hidden aspect of masculinity? WTF? We haven't indicated any preference for the sex of our baby. It doesn't mean we don't have our reservations, fears, neuroses, etc., but ultimately we feel like: we want a kid, and any kid will have their ups and downs. And sex doesn't necessarily tell you anything about gender anyway. As an aside: we had talked about wanting a girl. Then last year at high holidays, we sat through Yom Kippur services behind 4 teenage girls, dressed almost identically in t-shirts and mini-skirts (the mini-skirts were different colors). Through the entire solemn service they sniffed each other's hair and licked their index fingers to smoothe each other's eyebrows. Finally, I. turned to me and said: Boys. We're only having boys. Anyway. The damned turtles. What I'm trying to figure out is, is this a chicken or an egg? (I think both chicken and egg would be in the girls section). Are there really that many consumers who firmly believe in the rule of Though Shalt Not Dress Girls in Clothing with Trucks on Them and Though Shalt Not Dress Boys in Clothing with Kittens on Them? Or is corporate American catering to what they think we want? Really. Clothing (which I admit is really important in the gender game), is just icing on of all the gender expectations we put on these brand new human beings. Gender matters, whether you agree with the expectations or not, whether or not you fit the expectations imposed on you because of your gender. And it's so hard for us to unlearn those expectations. But isn't it my responsibility as a parent, as someone who believes that a kid should be supported in being and learning and trying anything that works for him or her, to help them unlearn it, instead of following all these ludicrous and outdated and limiting rules? I can't imagine that putting my daughter in a turtle shirt is really so gender-bending, but according to this store it is. It can make a person really freakin' tired. ***** Edited to add: For those of you who know us in real life, we just did the registry because we wanted to get it done. Please don't even look at it yet - it was not a hint! **** Edited again to add: my old housemate Jenn has thoughtfully illustrated what Bridget the turtle has to say about this issue. Go see.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Shirky COMMENT-DATE:6:55 PM COMMENT-BODY:it's enough to make you want to dress the kid in all black, all the time.

The preference for girls is so marked in the adoption world, it kind of makes me hope for a boy. just to be different. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger carrym COMMENT-DATE:7:03 PM COMMENT-BODY:wow, turtles for boys? Who'da thunk it? So which do you think teddy bears could be for? Or elephants? Or bunnies? I never really thought about animals as gender specific before...does that make me a bad mom? Could my kiddos be warped for life for being forced to wear or, worse yet, to play with the wrong one??

And boys, boys ARE the way to go, I have two and they are great! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:36 PM COMMENT-BODY:This is why when the kids were babies and toddlers all their stuff came from Gap. There were still boy clothes and girl clothes, but at least there was some color vareity. Plus khaki shorts and polos were pretty gender neutral I thought. I also really loved the quality of their cotton (at that time, I don't know about now). I used to comb their clearance racks and find great stuff. Also Gap stuff in a thrift store or second hand shop was gold. Seriously it went through several children, not just my three girls, but friend's children too. All of Scruffy's hand-me-downs are gap. But the new stuff I buy for him is Target. He is the only boy I will ever have- it's a great deal (usually under $5) and only has to last one season for one kid. If it looks okay when we are done with it, and 50% do, then I pass them on to friends. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger LilySea COMMENT-DATE:11:56 PM COMMENT-BODY:yep. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger J COMMENT-DATE:9:08 AM COMMENT-BODY:It's all based on this gender binary that 'we've' invested so much time and energy cultivating over the last..oh...millenia.

It actually hasn't been that long. The original "school colors" of uber man-sport friendly Syracuse University were....Pink and pea green.

Things have changed since then.

I can't wait to dress a boy in pink, or a girl in blue. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:12:39 PM COMMENT-BODY:Pink and pale green? For real? I'd love to see the Orangemen in Lilly Pulitzer colors!

And M., I so hear you on this. The first time I went into Kids R Us and Babies R Us, I almost burst a blood vessel. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:46 PM COMMENT-BODY:We love the firetruck stuff. Why? Josh is a professional firefighter. His nursery is themed in fire trucks. If he was a she? She'd have a girlier room. But she'd still wear firetrucks. ;) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:4:08 PM COMMENT-BODY:This makes my brain hurt. We actually have a turtle. A red-eared slider. She's a girl. She doesn't want to be only on boy clothes. I asked her. She said, "That's ridiculous." -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:45 PM COMMENT-BODY:According to the stores, whales are also only for boys. Very sad. Poor daughter will grow up with her buttons and zippers on the wrong side (b/c she'll be wearing the clothes with whales on them... and turtles) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:12:15 AM COMMENT-BODY:I'm just hoping you will be dealing with these issues in a non-theoretical way soon!

I grew up wearing my boy cousin's hand-me-downs and turned into a femmey lesbo. Guess those turtles really are dangerous! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Foxxy One COMMENT-DATE:9:32 AM COMMENT-BODY:It's the whole penis thing. I'm sure of it. I've heard of men referring to their man bits as the turtle (or other animals).

My MIL bought Dylan a pink sweatsuit. He looked adorable in it (he's outgrown it). -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:11:40 AM COMMENT-BODY:Argh! It takes a LOT of effort to find affordable non-gendered kids clothes. Good luck! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Trista COMMENT-DATE:12:07 PM COMMENT-BODY:Well, this may be beside the point, but we got a little polo shirt with a turtle on it for Julia at Old Navy. So Old Navy, at least, understands that turtles are acceptable decorations for a girl's clothing. But, yeah, other than that...

What I don't understand is why dinosaurs are only for boys. What, because they've got teeth and claws and are big, scary monster-like things girls can't want them on their clothes? -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:00:00 PM ----- BODY:
I know it's been a long time since I've written about adoption, either in general or about our adoption plans. If you've been reading this blog for a while, you know we've been on hiatus with our adoption plans since March. We're ready to go. We're moving forward with our adoption plans, my friends. The home study is done. The profile is done. Doesn't it sounds funny to announce, a full 10 months after we started this whole process, that we are now officially... waiting? I've never been so thrilled to wait in my life.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger My Baby Ain't White COMMENT-DATE:9:19 PM COMMENT-BODY:Yippee Skippy!! And you're doing it TOGETHER. I'm so impressed by the relationship you have with one another and you're going to make fantastic parents to a very special child.

Congrats and happy waiting!

~Karen -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:37 PM COMMENT-BODY:Woo hoo! Congrats to both of you. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Dawn COMMENT-DATE:10:13 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations! So excited to be waiting with you!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:10:40 PM COMMENT-BODY:Wonderful!! so you've got a new degree in the house, you've got a new house, a finished sweater (which you so definitely must send, btw), and now an official wait: way to bang through Important To-Do List items! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:12:15 AM COMMENT-BODY:Fantastic! Cannot wait to be officially waiting with you. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:4:16 AM COMMENT-BODY:yesssssss! :) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:7:18 AM COMMENT-BODY:YAY! Congratulations--Petunia and I are so happy for you both! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:00 AM COMMENT-BODY:Best of luck! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Johnny COMMENT-DATE:9:28 AM COMMENT-BODY:Congrats on the re-start. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger carrym COMMENT-DATE:9:59 AM COMMENT-BODY:Yay!!!

I'm a new reader of your blog, so I went to read your hiatus post. I have to admit it made me misty. It's good to know there are women out there willing to do the "hard stuff" to make their relationships work. It gives me hope that I will find someone that understands that as well.

And thank you for sharing this intimate journey with us all... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Genevieve Hinson COMMENT-DATE:6:29 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congrats!!! Can't wait to read more posts. :) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:59 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations! Welcome to the waiting game. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:26 AM COMMENT-BODY:Congrats! Good luck! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M3 COMMENT-DATE:1:38 PM COMMENT-BODY:Wow, congrats!!!! And welcome to the big 'ole wait. :-) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger wen COMMENT-DATE:12:56 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations on your decision! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger LilySea COMMENT-DATE:11:53 PM COMMENT-BODY:yea!
yea!
yea!

Now we're waiting together! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:12:17 AM COMMENT-BODY:WOWWOWWOW!!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger avonlea COMMENT-DATE:10:00 PM COMMENT-BODY:That's fantastic - I'm so happy the right time has come for you! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Dawn COMMENT-DATE:10:20 AM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations! :D -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:06:00 PM ----- BODY:
I finished the sweater! This is knitting project number 2, and it has taken me FOREVER (which you'll understand if you want to read about project #1, also known as the Trash Can Cozy). I made this little sweater for my friend's new daughter. I kept the bar low: I figured if my second project looked sweater-like, I would be happy. But when I finished putting it together tonight I had an attack of insecurity. It's sweater-like, but definitely... amateurish (the sleeves and the bottom edges really are as kittywompus as they look in the picture ). Then again, it was made with love for the first child of one of my favorite people ever. Now I don't know if I should send it or not. Assvice please. Do I: A) Send it and pretend I think it's a perfectly beautiful and flawless sweater? B) Send it with a note that says "handmade by M., age 6?" C) Keep it and send her something else when I've gotten better at this? ETA: Wow, you all sure know how to make a completely novice knitter feel good. Okay, okay, I'll send it!
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:56 PM COMMENT-BODY:Send it! For a second project, you are doing mighty fine work. This is your dear friend, he or she will be thrilled that you made something with your two hands. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:10:15 PM COMMENT-BODY:I second Christine. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:19 PM COMMENT-BODY:A) Because it is. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger JJ COMMENT-DATE:10:21 PM COMMENT-BODY:I think you should send it because it is unique and made with love. However, have you blocked it yet? This solves a multitude of sins. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:6:52 AM COMMENT-BODY:duh? send it. perfect as is. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:9:02 AM COMMENT-BODY:Send it! I'm sure it doesn't look nearly as bad as you think. And if you're unsure, I agree with jj - try blocking it again. Regardless, it's handknit and that's very meaningful. She'll love it. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:9:04 AM COMMENT-BODY:Oh yeah. I forgot.

CONGRATULATIONS on finishing your first sweater!! It has arms and a body and seams and a scallopy bottom and two colors and increases and decreases and and... WELL DONE!!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger My Baby Ain't White COMMENT-DATE:9:33 AM COMMENT-BODY:Oh my God, send it woman! And with no apologies. It's lovely and I'm uber-impressed.

Job well done...

(Now Gwen's wearing 12 month size if you're looking for more practice...heehee...)

~Karen -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:2:05 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations on your sweater! By all means, send it. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger carrym COMMENT-DATE:3:52 PM COMMENT-BODY:Absolutely send it! I think it's adorable and if these are your favorite people I'm guessing you're one of theirs as well and would cherish a hand made gift for their little one. I certainly would! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:55 PM COMMENT-BODY:Send it. Homemade gifts from friends are always welcome in our home. :) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:49 AM COMMENT-BODY:Absolutely send it. Dude, I've been knitting and crocheting for a few years now and I'm just finally making my first sweater because I was too scared to try to follow a pattern. (I've been in making-my-own-pattern land for scarves, hats, and shawls till now.) It's cute and it's kind of nice that it looks homemade (I mean that in a good way). -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:51 AM COMMENT-BODY:Also, your trash can cozy almost made me pee my pants. I had almost the exact same thing happen where I started a hat and mentioned something about how much yarn it was taking and AJWP was like, "Um... Jenny... I think that the hat might be a bit too big." Um, yeah. It would have matched yours for scale I believe. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 10:24:00 PM ----- BODY:
Yesterday, my mother sent me The Evolution of Dance, which had me about peeing myself. I went to bed thinking about all those horrible eighties songs and dances. Oh my. Does anyone else have their high school graduation forever entwined in their heads with that terrible 10,000 Maniacs song "These Are Days" ? Today, on my 90-mile drive westbound on the Mass Pike, I popped in an old Tori Amos CD - From the Choirgirl Hotel - that I don't think I've listened to in years. Immediately I thought of the summer after I graduated from college. I was living in Northampton with three housemates and a rat, and dating The Mafia, who was living with Texas Wake-and-Bake Girl. I thought of dragging broken lawn chairs onto our shitty lawn and drinking beer with our feet in a plastic kiddy pool to cool off. I remembered being scared to death of my upcoming move and of starting a fellowship that barely paid the rent. I remember the walks down to the 7-11 for Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia popsicles, and the Russian woman at the clinic where I worked who used to knock everyone down in line and step on their feet in her rush when she came in for birth control pills. I couldn't believe how clearly I remember so many of those details when I put in the CD today. I started thinking of other songs that make me remember exactly how my gut felt when I was listening to them. I thought about listening to Kris Delmhorst's Five Stories while driving my Dad's car back and forth between the hospital and my parents house week after week after week when he was sick. Taking a road trip with I., alternating parts in a dramatic reprise of "Walk Through the Fire" from the Buffy the Vampire Musical. Seeing Bitch and Animal perform "Best C*ck on the Block " at the Paradise one year during Pride weekend (no need for google hits of that sort, but it's worth looking at the lyrics for this one). I remember being conscious of my flip-flops sticking to the floor, and thinking that Animal really did look like Animal. Hearing Erin McKeown's song "Queen of Quiet" for the first time a month after I started dating my wife. She and her housemate had a pumpkin-carving party, and afterwards we tucked ourselves into bed with the stereo on, smelling like pumpkin guts and stuffed with apple pie, and I decided I could fall in love with this girl. Anyone else? What songs have this effect on you?
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Johnny COMMENT-DATE:10:58 PM COMMENT-BODY:Got a draft just on that subject! But, kinda a downer.

Next week. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:6:19 AM COMMENT-BODY:Peter Murphy's "Cuts You Up" reminds me of lusting after a mod-boy when i was 17. a very "high school" song for me.

happy weekend, M. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger J COMMENT-DATE:8:42 AM COMMENT-BODY:So many. Might need to turn it into a post.

As an aside, Kris D. is playing at the Ironhorse tonight... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:9:50 AM COMMENT-BODY:Oh ... Texas Wake-and-Bake Girl. I loved you, but I woulda done her in a heartbeat. ;-)

Sorry, I can't help it. I read those Bitch & Animal lyrics and now I'm feelin' wicked sassy! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:3:01 PM COMMENT-BODY:10,000 Maniacs makes me think of sleepovers at my friend Kelly's house, but Boyz II Men's "End of the Road" is all Prom. Oh, Prom! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:5:58 PM COMMENT-BODY:Tori Amos's 1000 Oceans takes me to times I don't wanna talk about. That and Baker Baker.

Time of Your Life by Green Day was our graduation hoopla song.

But Footloose takes me to small agedness, dancing around the living room, in socks, with my Mom. We'd move the coffee table out of the way.... those were the days. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:09 PM COMMENT-BODY:Oh shit I am old. A friend and I just put "These are the Days" on the 8th grader's graduation slide show. See the song was way after my high school, so it seemed fresh. (hangs head in humiliation). We also put "Good Things" by Reel Big Fish, so maybe my hipness factor is back?

High school for me- Van Halen, Joan Jett (I Love Rock and Roll was our class song), the B-52's, the Go-Gos, and Pat Benatar were my high school songs. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:1:05 PM COMMENT-BODY:Yeah, for me the biggest thing songs remind me of is my summers working in Virginia for ASP because we played music constantly, so I have a whole lot of songs that can take me back there in a second. They have no real relationship to each other, just the conglomeration of the music we all had with us that we'd listen to over and over.

Most notably, "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Carolina in my Mind" always make me think of driving a beat-up old pick-up truck too fast through the trees in the mountains and watching for turtles crossing the road and coal trucks looking to run me off of it. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Mrs Pushy COMMENT-DATE:8:19 PM COMMENT-BODY:"The Luckiest" by Ben Folds- After my husband and I lost our first and only pregnancy on Christmas Eve, I heard this song~

I don't get many things right the first time, in fact, I am told that a lot.
Now I know all the wrong turns and stumbles and falls brought me here.... -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:41:00 PM ----- BODY:
A little feedback for the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority: The new Charlie Cards are a good idea. A debit system can work, and enough with the tokens. May I suggest that next time you institute a new system, you finagle things so that the new system works at all of the stations? That way, when someone puts in money at one station for a round trip on a Charlie Card, they don't have to buy a token for their return trip because there are no machines that accept Charlie Cards at the return station. Just a thought. P.S. Thanks especially for the 17 Susan B. Anthony dollars you gave me in exchange for my $20 bill. Next time I'll bring a wagon instead of a wallet.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger J COMMENT-DATE:9:02 AM COMMENT-BODY:haha.
they give susan b's at the post office too. such a pain. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Shirky COMMENT-DATE:9:32 AM COMMENT-BODY:or the other way around, where you have an extra token, and you are at south station, and you are screwed. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Lo COMMENT-DATE:8:48 PM COMMENT-BODY:As a former Massachusetts dweller, I will just say that I *love* them being called Charlie Cards. Too cute.

(Apparently that was worth de-lurking over. Hi.) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:45 AM COMMENT-BODY:NO SHIT. WTF, MBTA? The whole semi-implementation of the Charlie card thing is so infuriating. Meanwhile, at the stations where it's half installed they just wave everybody through. Huh? The T makes me so very angry sometimes. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 10:41:00 AM ----- BODY:
It's Blogging for LGBT Families Day, a day "to raise awareness about LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) families," according to Mombian. As soon as I learned about this (thanks to Shannon), I knew I wanted to write something. But what? My family is just... a family. But that's really the point, isn't it? My wife and I have been together almost 6 years, and were legally married almost exactly two years ago. Sometimes I look at the wedding ring on my left hand and I can't believe it. When I came out 11 years ago it didn't occur to me to want this. It wasn't even in my frame of reference - queers didn't have those kinds of lives, I thought. I had never seen this map, and many parts of it didn't exist then. We have stones from one of each of our grandmothers in our wedding rings. I never knew my wife's grandmother but I think she was the kind of straight-from-the-hip salty woman I would have loved. She sounds a lot like my own Mom-Mom. I feel the pull and presence of our grandmothers when I look at my ring. The state where we live sanctioned our marriage. We were married by a rabbi, with all the blessings of history and tradition and richness of our shared culture. Our families toasted us and danced (once we finished fighting with them about wedding planning). The agency I work for has allowed me to cover my wife under my health and dental insurance since I started working here. We share a car insurance bill, a bank account that is often in the red, a family care doctor, politics, priorities, a last name, and a mortgage. I make dinner and she does dishes. We adore each other and we fight over things that are sometimes poignant and sometimes stupid. Chaotic, sometimes loud, loving, run-of-the-mill dysfunctional, passionate, legally bound, protective, devoted. That's us. It blows my mind.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:11:39 AM COMMENT-BODY:You guys fight? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:2:38 PM COMMENT-BODY:This is such a sweet description! Good for you, miss. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger J COMMENT-DATE:3:05 PM COMMENT-BODY:nice post;) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:7:47 AM COMMENT-BODY:love is grand. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:34 PM COMMENT-BODY:One might think that queer families are just families. Amazing! I am so happy and proud of you both! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:30 PM COMMENT-BODY:How do you get her to do the dishes? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:8:39 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulation! -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 7:56:00 PM ----- BODY:
-------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 8:29:00 PM ----- BODY:
Dear *****, Thank you for your message today. I understand that you are unsure about whether you wish to continue working in this job. As an employee of a non-profit, I understand that committment to the job is essential. I'm sorry you don't feel inspired by the work, and I understand that you would like to be able to spend more time at home with your son. However, next time you are undecided about whether you will resign or not, I would appreciate if you could find someone else to help you work through this, rather than bringing your indecision to me, your supervisor. If you would like me to help you figure out how to make the job work better for you, I would be delighted to play that role. Since you are not asking for revisions to your job description, but are instead merely musing about whether you will continue in this role or give me your notice in a few weeks, this may have been a misfire on your part. Finally, if you insist on involving me in the process of your pondering, I would greatly appreciate it if you could choose some forum to tell me other than email. When I am 3,000 miles away. Just before a long weekend. Thanks for your attention to this matter, and please let me know what you decide about your plans to continue or leave this job. I will of course wait patiently for your decision. Sincerely, M.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:8:46 PM COMMENT-BODY:You tell em baby -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:9:41 PM COMMENT-BODY:No. She didn't.

I suppose you can't tell her that she doesn't need to worry about whether to resign or not as she is FIRED. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:1:31 PM COMMENT-BODY:That's really unfortunate. What a nice position you're in now! -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 6:47:00 PM ----- BODY:
Here's what I have to say about Las Vegas: I saw more fake breasts during my hour-long layover than I saw in the past year combined. They have sharps containers in the airport bathrooms. They have slot machines at the airline gates. A woman on the flight, about 30 minutes before we land, pulls out her cell phone and MAKES. A. PHONE. CALL. Loudly. Does anyone beside me know that you can't use a cell phone on a plane, or is this purely insider information? I think I've fulfilled any latent desires to go to Las Vegas. P.S. The food in the airport sucks if you're veggie, but Taco Bell exceeded my expectations. Now let us never speak of it again. P.P.S. It was a stop-over on the way to Seattle. Much more my speed.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Johnny COMMENT-DATE:7:29 PM COMMENT-BODY:Hey, I've won like $35 at the airport slots machine while waiting for my plane.

I have a friend obsessed with that town. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:38 PM COMMENT-BODY:Seattle? You are so close. Next time you need your stopover here, and I could meet you at the airport. I would even bring lunch! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Laura COMMENT-DATE:12:22 PM COMMENT-BODY:You know I've noticed sharps containers in more and more airport bathrooms. I don't think it's just Las Vegas.

I thought that you weren't supposed to use cell phones (or electrical toys) during take off and landing but it was ok during the flight. Is that wrong? What is your insider information? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:12:39 PM COMMENT-BODY:You're not supposed to use cell phones at all during the flight. Different rules apply to other gadgets like iPods. I think it's funny that nobody yelled at this woman - bizarre.

Anyway, I've seen sharps containers in airport bathrooms too but I wish I could remember where - it wasn't Vegas. It could have been Chicago or else it was somewhere between Boston and Knoxville on a stopover which could be one of several cities so I can't narrow it down. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Sabrina COMMENT-DATE:10:46 PM COMMENT-BODY:Hey, I won $200 on a quarter slot machine while waiting in line to board the ariplane leaving Vegas. Broke even thanks to that little machine.

Should have seen me getting on that plane with a huge bucket full of quarters.

Anyway.... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:26 PM COMMENT-BODY:It's true that you're not supposed to use cell phones in flight, because they allegedly screw up the guidance system and could cause an accident. My thinking is, in these days of terror threats, if you can crash an airplane with just a cell phone, don't we need to make better airplanes? -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 10:07:00 AM ----- BODY:
Yeah, baby!!! That's what I have to say about this past weekend. I watched my girl put on one of those ridiculous mortarboards and a hideous polyester gown over her cute dress pants and tie and walk up on stage to shake the hand of the school president and accept her diploma with high honors and every award in sight. She was the smartest, hottest babe I've ever seen. I bawled from start to finish. She ROCKS. I'm as proud as a peacock.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:10:41 AM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations to your wife! woowoo! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:55 AM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations to both of you. I imagine that everyone is breathing a sigh of relief. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:1:13 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations to I.! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Dawn COMMENT-DATE:1:49 PM COMMENT-BODY:That's AWESOME!!! Congratulations!!! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:22 PM COMMENT-BODY:Another proud peacock, signing in! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:8:48 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations to I, and to you, too. Education is a family affair! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger wen COMMENT-DATE:6:30 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations! When I got my doctorate I couldn't stop smiling (and my partner at the time couldn't stop crying). :) -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 10:28:00 PM ----- BODY:
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:8:27 AM COMMENT-BODY:Nice! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Foxxy One COMMENT-DATE:9:05 AM COMMENT-BODY:Love Love Love the photos! Thank you so much for sharing them. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:1:00 PM COMMENT-BODY:I love the photos, too. That was such a magical time. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:8:32 PM COMMENT-BODY:So a major political anniversary will draw you a bit out of hiatus, eh?

Great photos! I wish I lived where you do. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger charlotte COMMENT-DATE:2:17 PM COMMENT-BODY:Love the pics. I'm sorry about the ready not ready place. It sounds so hard. WHen you are parents though, you will be so gla you did it as a team. So. Glad.

But the waiting and being in different places part SUCKS!

I'm thinking of you both. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:48:00 AM ----- BODY:
I'm feeling overexposed. I need a break. Back in a while.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:17 AM COMMENT-BODY:Brave, brave girl I love you. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:10:22 AM COMMENT-BODY:take good care of yourself. sending you lots of hugs & warmth. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Shirky COMMENT-DATE:12:30 PM COMMENT-BODY:dammit
i hate when this happens
now what do I read all day at work? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:6:02 PM COMMENT-BODY:We'll be here when you post again, and we're sending good vibes your way. Take care of yourself! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Messed Up COMMENT-DATE:11:12 PM COMMENT-BODY:I guess this gives me a chance to catch up on your blog, I would be a new reader, so you take you brake and I will catch up. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger My Baby Ain't White COMMENT-DATE:7:11 AM COMMENT-BODY:Thinking about both of you and hope you're enjoying one another. Selfishly, I do miss your musings but no worries, I'll be around when (and if) you decide to come back. Take care.

~Karen -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Overwhelmed! COMMENT-DATE:1:57 PM COMMENT-BODY:Sorry to hear you're feeling overexposed. Take care of yourself and come back when you're feeling better. I'll be reading when you start posting again! -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 12:14:00 PM ----- BODY:
Just a quick post with lunch at my desk today, because I need to get this off my chest. Our social worker called Sunday with a potential placement situation for us. I didn't ask her for any details, but of course she gave us some. We don't know why the mom is choosing adoption. We have a little health information, we know the due date (early summer), the sex, the race, the state where the mom lives, her education level, and that she's open to a placement with two women. Are we interested? Should she share our profile with this woman? I have an image of this mom and this baby in my head. Real, whole people, not just figments of my imagination. And I had a moment of thinking: Holy cow. We could be moms REALLY SOON. I better quick figure out which side of the diaper is the front. But... we're on hold, at least a few more weeks (maybe longer). We made a committment to each other. It wasn't my idea to do it in the first place, but I know I. was right when she asked me to do this. I'm glad we've done it - postponing our plans has given us some time to really focus on our relationship and we're growing so much. It was and still is 100% the right thing to do, and I see it paying off in ways I couldn't have imagined. But in that moment (and many moments since then), it SUCKED. I hung up. Begged I. for about 8 seconds to say yes. Got ahold of myself. Called the social worker back and said no. Please don't share our profile. Please don't tell us any more. We're not ready. We'll talk to you more about it when we see you this week. We might be ready before her due date comes around but not yet. NotyetnotyetnotFUCKINGyet. Hung up the phone. Burst into tears. A few minutes of howling drama and hugs, and then the reappearance of at least a semblance of sanity and clarity. Tonight our social worker is coming over for her home visit (which she already did in the old place but needs to do in the new place). That's it for the home study, at long last. And our profile is done. So we have to tell her what's going on so that she won't keep calling us about situations. It's too much, when we're ready but not ready. I know she'll be fine with it, but I hate having to tell her.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:1:20 PM COMMENT-BODY:Oh M., that's so sad. It's such a roller coaster, isn't it? Good luck tonight with your home visit. I'm thinking of you and I. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Johnny COMMENT-DATE:2:15 PM COMMENT-BODY:With kiddos, it's better to be on the same page. There's no going back, so you did the right thing.

my little bit of assvice. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:6:34 PM COMMENT-BODY:I am so sad for you. Thinking of you. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:23 PM COMMENT-BODY:I'm sorry. Really. It's hard. You are doing a great job of thinking with a clear head, even when your heart is torturing you about it. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:11:39 PM COMMENT-BODY:So brave. And sad.

It really sounds like you did the right thing for you, for now. But what a heartbreaking choice.

{{hugs}} -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Hashbrown COMMENT-DATE:1:52 PM COMMENT-BODY:Hey M.
what a wrenching experience. I am so very sorry that has happened. I hope your home visit went well. You and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger HeatherRainbow COMMENT-DATE:12:36 PM COMMENT-BODY:((hugs))

You need to do something when you are sure you are ready. You can always be ready and then do adoption, but once you adopt a child, there's no going back. Make sure your relationship is going well independently of the adoption. Because, adoption is not the answer to making a family, it is an addition that is so complex that it needs fully capable parents working as a team and being on the same page, otherwise, the decisions you will be making on behalf of the child, may in turn, harm your relationship with your partner, or vice versa.

Best of luck. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Overwhelmed! COMMENT-DATE:1:53 PM COMMENT-BODY:I'm so sorry you're having to experience this. It will pay off in the long run though. Believe it!

I was ready to adopt much sooner than my husband was. I begged, pleaded, and cried in an attempt to manipulate him into letting us start sooner. I'm not proud of that, but there it is. He didn't give in. It hurt like hell, but I waited.

When my husband WAS ready, he jumped in with both feet and didn't look back. Now we're proud parents of a beautiful little boy and I can confidently say he was so worth the wait! My husband and I are doing pretty darned good in our roles of parents and our marriage is doing good too!

Hang in there. You'll make it! -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 8:53:00 AM ----- BODY:
Okay, here's the game, courtesy of Art-Sweet. - She's interviewing me - 5 questions. - The first 5 people to comment here will be interviewed by me - I'll post questions for you here and you answer them on your own blog. - When you do that, you include an invitation for others to comment and then to be interviewed by you. - When you comment here you can also ask me a question, in case my answers to Art-Sweet's questions just leaving you wanting more, more, more. Her questions are in purple... What's your greatest fear about adopting? Oh my. Where do I start? Yesterday it occured to me that the outcome of adoption is that we'll have a BABY. That scared me pretty good. Right now my fears are also around being able to truly become a transracial family, not just white parents with a child of color, and about raising a kid with a really strong sense of culture and history from his or her and our culture of origin. Since apparently my kid will hate me someday regardless, I'd like it to be temporary and for other reasons, like curfews and green beans. You are cooking a multi-course romantic meal for your wife. What do you cook and what music do you listen to whilst cooking it? In fantasy land? And what does it say that it's really hard for me to answer this one? Here's the fantasy land answer (I'm totally ignoring the various food allergies and health issues we're working around these days): Vegetarian french onion soup, heavy on the carmelized onions and gruyere. Mango black beans over coconut lime rice. Balsamic roasted beets with goat cheese. Chocolate Delirium Cake from Rosie's (you MUST try it: it's a close second to an org*sm). White wine for me, a cigarette for her. I'm listening to Moby - Play. Fantastic cooking music. The romantic music can wait until, um, the meal is eaten. If you had to eat one food, and only one food for a week, what would it be? And would you ever eat it again afterwards? Chips and salsa and guacamole with lots of lime and cilantro. (Is that three? No, it's one because... I say so). And yes, I could eat it again. I have a *limitless* capacity for chips and salsa and guacamole. What's your favorite thing about your new home? It's ours!!! Also: 5 closets in a 2-bedroom condo So much light in every room we hardly touch the light switches during the daytime A front porch AND a back porch A BRAND NEW stover that no one has ever used except me And it's ours!!! (I realized I haven't responded to the requests for photos... will do that this week). When did you come out (to yourself, to your family, to the cashier at the supermarket)? Because the only thing I love more than a good birth/adoption story is a good coming out story* I was 19 when I got my act together. And um, it was National Coming Out Day (that's a little embarassing), my second year of college. I kissed my girl-crush that night and then we were together for 2 years after that. I told my parents within a few months (it was no big surprise to them). The rest of the family took a few more years. The funniest (though painful at the time) reaction I got from anyone when I first came out: "You? You're the straightest girl I know!" Says her. She thought I was doing it to be trendy.
Now I'm out to everyone in my life. Hiding is way too much wasted energy at this point in my life. And it's really fun to confuse insurance agents and bankers by saying "my wife."
It's even on my business card (you think I'm kidding: I'm actually gay for pay. It's pretty cool).
And I loved Art-Sweet's story about the other kind of "coming out." Where I grew up, lots of girls "came out" at 19, though their coming out involved expensive events and fancy dresses and their presentation to society as "marriageable" women. Why am I not on your blogroll? HaRumph! Oops! You have been for quite a while, actually, but I went and checked when I saw this question and for some reason you were marked "private." Fixed now. Sorry! Okay, who's up for the self-imposed meme? C'mon, it's a great chance to talk about your favorite subject...
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:09 PM COMMENT-BODY:Please. You DON'T know your kidlet will grow up to hate you. I know way more adoptees who love their parents than adoptees who hate their parents--and that includes teenagers. Don't be me. I've been reading a few bitterly angry adoptee blogs lately that have left be practially breathless with fear.

Take a deep breath with me and repeat: "We will be loved. We will not suck."

Didn't work, did it? :) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M. COMMENT-DATE:7:30 PM COMMENT-BODY:Julie - clarification needed! I actually meant "my kid will hate me because adolescents hate their parents - it's their job" - not because of being adopted. As for angry adoptee blogs - they are frightening to waiting adoptive parents, and are a great motivation to figure out now how to do this well. Oh yes, I'm taking deep breaths with you. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Hashbrown COMMENT-DATE:11:12 PM COMMENT-BODY:Hey M.
AJWP (my wife) told me about finding you in the blog world. Small world for sure. Just wanted to give you a little shout out. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger bethany COMMENT-DATE:1:20 AM COMMENT-BODY:interview me!! <3 -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Estelle COMMENT-DATE:12:15 PM COMMENT-BODY:I'm in.
And my child hates me already at nine months, so I am certain your child will hate you as a teenager.
Actually, he doesn't hate me. He prefers me to a random stranger (normally) and if in pain will cuddle with me if my arms are the only ones available. But my breasts are non functional, so he has little use for my mind, body, and soul. He wants the goods, and only mommy has those.
One day, perhaps, he'll like me more. Right now I bribe him with ice cream to sit on my side of the bed. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 8:17:00 PM ----- BODY:
Dear Mollie, I've been a fan of yours ever since some friends gave me one of your books for my birthday about 5 years back. I use it - and the newer one I have - every week. I read the books in bed and daydream about recipes. Even my wife, who is vegetarian and wheat-free and sugar-free AND a picky eater (I know - I can't believe it either) always loves what I make from your books. You have never failed me - until tonight. I thought I would try your recipe for tofu burgers, which you told me could also be made into tofu "meatballs" and served with pasta (rice pasta for the wheat-free among us, if you were wondering). With all due respect, I have to ask: what the fuck were you thinking? (As an aside: some might wonder - what the fuck was *I* thinking trying to make something called "tofu meatballs? They would also have a point. But okay.) The recipe looked great - lots of onions and peppers and fresh basil. But once I mixed the sauteed vegetables with all the other ingredients, it looked like this: I was suspicious of whether this would make anything resembling meatballs, but you and I have had a long and healthy relationship, so I took a leap of faith and gamely tried to make this mixture into something resembling meatballs. They would. not. stick. together. They looked like this: So I scraped it all back together and, in desperation, threw the whole mess into the cuisinart. It didn't improve the color, but it did get them to stick together, meatball-like. Your instructions were to bake them for 20 minutes. Forty minutes later, they were ready, or ready as they were ever going to be. Toss them over pasta, add sauce and hot peppers, and away we go. But here's the clincher, Mollie: after 40 minutes of baking that followed an hour of cooking, we had a thoroughly mediocre meal, served at 9:30 pm, and a kitchen full of dirty pots and pans. And enough leftovers to keep us in mediocre tofu meatballs for a month, because the meatballs were so heavy neither of us could eat more than 3. Mollie, are you angry at me? Because that was a little passive-aggressive. I hope we can continue our relationship despite this. I'm willing to try again with us. I hope you are too. Sincerely, M.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:5:07 PM COMMENT-BODY:That is very funny, Marisa!

I'm a big Katzen fan, too, but I just don't bother with anybody's recipes for tofu burgers or meatballs. they never taste good. (I like tofu plenty of other ways, but the burgers don't cohere no matter who does the recipe). -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:52 AM COMMENT-BODY:OK, this is so funny because AJWP and I write "letters" like this all the time too. Is this habit left over from our days on Dimick Street for all of us? Because also, I often say mine out loud. Sometimes to the "addressee" directly.

I'm sorry for your mediocre meatballs. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:4:13 PM COMMENT-BODY:OMG that is so hilarious. I nearly fell off my chair laughing, and had to stifle my laughter and wipe the tears out of my eyes when a coworker walked by my office door. But you must have known that this was going to end badly when you started documenting the whole tragic affair! -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:46:00 AM ----- BODY:
See, my wife is about to do this amazing thing known as graduating. I'm busting out with pride for this woman who has thrown herself full-throttle into her schoolwork and a new career and is coming out the other end with three fancy-schmancy awards. I'm throwing her a party. But I want to get her something special. And she's no help. When I asked her what she wanted, this was her answer: Yes. As seen on TV. Those of you who know her in real life will not be any more surprised by this request than I was. Okay. I can do that. But what else? Anyone? Bueller?
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:12:20 PM COMMENT-BODY:When Petunia got her M.A., I got her the school ring she'd wanted. When my dad got his doctorate, my brother, Petunia, and I got him a sweet leather satchel for work. I don't know if I. would like either of those things, though. Maybe you should stick to the lid organizer. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:12:32 PM COMMENT-BODY:When my partner finished her PhD, I bought her a guitar so she could explore a new FUN (non-academic, non-work) thing. When I graduated, she bought me a beautiful piece of art (a small item, modestly priced, but a huge leap for two grad students) that I had been eying for a long time. I think something that lasts and reminds you of your amazing achievement is in order! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger J COMMENT-DATE:12:56 PM COMMENT-BODY:That is so so cool.
I want one.
Almost as much as I want a "silver bullet" chopper and "chef tony's silicon bakeware" -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Erin COMMENT-DATE:1:00 PM COMMENT-BODY:Dude,

I *own* that.

Your wife is awesome.

xo, Erin -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:2:25 PM COMMENT-BODY:Yeah, not surprised. Still hilarious!
Gift certs - Hold Everything? California Closets?
Tattoo? Good Vibes? Local restaurant? Massage? Girl singer-songwriter show? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Foxxy One COMMENT-DATE:4:19 PM COMMENT-BODY:Love mine! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:5:28 PM COMMENT-BODY:I don't think I can suggest anything in particular, just the general advice of maybe something she really wants but would never buy herself. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger LilySea COMMENT-DATE:11:25 PM COMMENT-BODY:I have one of those and I LOVE it!
I'm sure that it will delight her. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Daneille COMMENT-DATE:8:17 AM COMMENT-BODY:I have a Spin-Smart. My in-laws bought it for me.

It rocks.

And it would simplify my life enormously if I could bring myself to throw out all my other mismatched containers. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:12:18 PM COMMENT-BODY:Just a warning- do not freeze them. I love mine, but they get very brittle in the freezer. How about non-academic books? Or maybe a container garden set up for the new place? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger barbie2be COMMENT-DATE:7:24 PM COMMENT-BODY:my roommate has that as seen on tv thing. it's a piece of crap. it broke in the first three days. but it's a good idea... i mean, if it wasn't made out of cheap crappy plastic.

congrats to your wife! and to you for being supportive of her. education is always something to be celebrated! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger barbie2be COMMENT-DATE:7:27 PM COMMENT-BODY:doh... forgot to say that michele sent me. :) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:8:30 PM COMMENT-BODY:Okay, just to be safe, get her the tupperware organizer. However, you should definitely get her something VERY personal. You'll know best, jewelry? Lingerie? A gift certificate to Home Depot?
Just remember this is a once in a lifetime achievement.
When I graduated, my fiance got me a beautiful watch and a portable stereo. I was impressed. He was rewarded for his choices.
Good luck!
Here via Michele's. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger srp COMMENT-DATE:8:51 PM COMMENT-BODY:Perhaps a scrapbook of her accomplishments and greetings from friends, family, teachers and such.

Here from Michele. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger nina beana COMMENT-DATE:10:26 AM COMMENT-BODY:smart spin! hysterical! made me laugh out loud. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Paige COMMENT-DATE:4:15 PM COMMENT-BODY:I love mine! It fits nicely in the cupboards and works like a charm.....

Just lurking around, and found your blog via "talesfromthestirrups" have a good day! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Daneille COMMENT-DATE:9:32 AM COMMENT-BODY:When I graduated my dad got me a box fan. You can't do worse than that. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M3 COMMENT-DATE:11:52 PM COMMENT-BODY:I got one of those Spin things -- sucked in by the tv commercial and then found it at Target. But, I hated it! I know, I know, everyone says they love the thing, but I couldn't stand the fact that the containers were tall and skinny. I don't want to pile all my food (like lasagne) up on top of itself, I want to put it in a normal tupperware thingamajig where it can rest in one layer. Yes, I am anal retentive... ;-) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Rachel COMMENT-DATE:2:04 PM COMMENT-BODY:My sister-in-law got me one. I thought I'd hate it, but I love it. LOVE IT! -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 10:32:00 PM ----- BODY:

It's May Day - it would have been my Mom-Mom's 93rd birthday. It's almost exactly 3 years since she's gone. There's no way I can put into words how I felt - how I feel - about her, except to say I only hope to be half as honest and tough and opinionated and salty-tongued and fiercely devoted to my family as she was. What an incredible presence she still is in my life. Posted by Picasa
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:47 AM COMMENT-BODY:Sounds a lot like my gram, who died a few years ago too. She used to pick fights with me over contraversial things just for the fun of it and then when I got all worked up, demure and say, "I don't know why you're getting so upset at me, I'm just a sweet little old lady." -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 7:26:00 PM ----- BODY:
'Cause it's the kind of day that calls for a grateful list... For the good sweat workout I had at the gym that made me forget about work For my cats who came to greet me at the door like dogs even though they're still scared of the new house For the yummy salad with lots of cheese I had at lunch, and how it let me pretend it's summer For the lilac blooming in the back of the house For this amazing house that I can't believe I own For Jane at work who has saved my butt repeatedly this year (again today) since I got my over-my-head promotion For my wife who took the day off and did house things I hate, like hanging window shades For much-wanted pregnancy news from someone important. Anyone want to play along?
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:8:35 PM COMMENT-BODY:That I have the ability to put this whole stupid mistake that I made, that basically outed me as a blogger to my daughter's friends, in perspective, and quit freaking out.

That I can work a run-on sentence.

That it's sunny.

That I have great blogging buddies like you. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:10:42 PM COMMENT-BODY:I am grateful...

for aforementioned pregnancy news (although I hesitate to think of myself as Someone Important), but hey I had pregnancy news last week, and it's all about me, isn't it? Oh no, it's your blog, so it's all about you ;-)

for our wonderful friends, virtual and outside the computer, who have been so incredibly supportive throughout all this craziness

for my orange kitty who is snuggled up against me

for my garden and a beautiful day to be outside in it... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:8:42 PM COMMENT-BODY:For my wonderful daughter and daughter-in-law.

For life - a few times I didn't think I was going to make it this far.

For your Mom's and my recent 33d anniversary, which we celebrated again last night with dinner at our favorite restaurant. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 7:32:00 PM ----- BODY:
Overheard while unpacking: (Putting together bags of things that have to go back to the Homo Depot for the 112th time this weekend): Who's going to return this? Anyone? Cats? Answer: Not me! You can't make me! I won't do it! I won't go back there! No no no no no! (Putting together stupid chairs from Ikea): Are you annoyed with me? Answer: Actually, I want to push you off this porch right now. But it doesn't mean I love you any less. (Holding up newly purchased fire extinguisher): Where do you want this? Answer: Up your asshole... unless you think you can find room for it in the pantry. (Unclogging garbage disposal around 2 am): Look at me! I'm a homeowner! Look at me!
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:5:45 AM COMMENT-BODY:happy New Home! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Shirky COMMENT-DATE:8:01 AM COMMENT-BODY:just don't wallpaper -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Clementine COMMENT-DATE:2:46 PM COMMENT-BODY:M., I can't believe you have a blog! I found An Elephant's Gestation through J. in Portland, and I was so surprised to see that M. is YOU!

It felt really good to see you at the ODS conference last month; I only wish we'd had a moment to talk after the last session. Before attending the conference, I felt so alone with our adoption plans, but then I kept running into people I know. My heart goes out to you during this time of waiting.

On a different note, congratulations to you and I. on the purchase of your new home! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:45 PM COMMENT-BODY:M., congrats on your new home, and your plans to adopt! I hope you don't mind me cyber-stalking you, but AJWP told me about your blog. Mine is down at the moment but I promise it will be back up soon. I tend to use it to complain a lot. ;) -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:02:00 PM ----- BODY:
Taking the gay insults personally - The Boston Globe By Ellen Goodman March 24, 2006 In my business, it's only fair to acknowledge a bias. My bias is named Ruthie. Ruthie is the youngest cousin in a bumper crop of babies that have extended our family over the last few years. When she was adopted, we didn't pass out cigars, we passed out Baby Ruth bars. So maybe it's our fault that she's now in the sugar-rush stage of toddlerhood, leaving her parents joyously breathless and regularly transforming her grandmother's house into Early Childproof Decor. Did I mention that Ruthie has two daddies, something her toddler cousins take for granted? Did I mention that Ruthie's birth mother chose this couple to raise her, picking these two men from all the dossiers at the adoption agency? Ruthie is why I take it personally when the Vatican calls gay adoptions ''gravely immoral' or says that such adoptions ''mean doing violence to these children.' Ruthie is why I grimace when Russell Johnson, chairman of the Ohio Restoration Project, says, ''experimenting on children through gay adoption is a problem.' Ruthie and her parents are not an experiment. They are a family. Part of my family. Once again, we are back to the subject of gay adoption. This month, Catholic Charities in Boston was called on the Vatican carpet. For years the agency had operated a kind of ''don't ask, don't tell"policy. Over the course of two decades, Catholic social workers had placed 13 children with gay parents, saving most from the revolving door of foster care. But Roman Catholic law forbids gay adoption, and Massachusetts state law forbids discrimination. Faced with a conflict, the bishops overrode the board of Catholic Charities and ended its long and cherished role in adoption. Now this issue is rolling out across the country, all the way to San Francisco. There, the new archbishop appears to be on a similar collision course with Catholic Charities and secular laws. In Massachusetts, Governor Mitt Romney, nodding madly to conservatives in his bid for a presidential run, has filed a bill to grant a religious exemption to discrimination laws. But if you give one church permission to discriminate against gays, what's next? Permission to discriminate against blacks or Jews who want to adopt? Isn't that where we came from? It seems that many see gay adoption as another issue to rally the right in the culture wars. There are now efforts underway in 16 states for laws to ban gay adoptions. These would add to a crazy quilt of state laws ranging from Florida, which bans gay adoptions but allows gay foster parents, to Mississippi, which bans adoption by gay couples but not gay singles, to Utah, which prohibits all unmarried couples from adoption. But let's put my Ruthie bias aside for the moment. Let's even put aside the studies that support my bias: A comprehensive review of them coming out next week from the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute shows again that children of gay parents do fine. If some still insist that it is ''gravely immoral" to raise children in gay households, what exactly do those wedge-drivers propose to do? We have always had gay parents. Most had children the old-fashioned way, hiding their sexuality as long as they could. Now they can also do it the new-fashioned way with every reproductive aid from sperm bank to surrogate. A researcher analyzing the 2000 Census estimated 250,000 kids being raised by same-sex couples. If gay parenting is harmful, do we take children away from their biological gay parents? Do we make it unlawful for gays to use fertility technologies? How? If there are states that allow gay adoption, would we ban interstate travel for that? And what do we say to a birth mother who picks a gay couple? No? Today 60 percent of agencies accept applications and 40 percent knowingly place children with gay parents. Social workers, whether at religious, state, or private agencies, want only one thing: to find safe, good homes in a country with 500,000 children adrift. ''The effect of all this opposition is not to prevent gay people from becoming parents," says Adam Pertman of the Donaldson Adoption Institute. ''All it can do is diminish the pool of mothers and fathers for children who need homes." We all talk about ''the best interest of the child." What makes up that interest? On my list are attention, love, security, humor, and a besotted family racing to keep one step ahead of a toddler. Of course, a little bias on that child's behalf never hurts.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Lisa COMMENT-DATE:9:50 PM COMMENT-BODY:As a former foster child and current child advocate...

All I want are for these children to find loving homes. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:1:50 AM COMMENT-BODY:I hate that religion decided that it "knows" what a family looks like.

As long as love abounds in the home, needs are met and the baby is protected. I dont care if its two aardvarks and a possum raising the kid. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:12:56 PM COMMENT-BODY:The good news is that this column showed up in the Atlanta Journal and other Georgia newspapers. Georgia may enter the 21st century yet! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Kara COMMENT-DATE:7:56 PM COMMENT-BODY:I love this article. It gave me goose bumps. I hate that we still live in a world where people feel they have the right to dictate their biases upon other people and feel that they are doing everyone a huge favor. Why is it that children always seem to the be victims in these little crusades? The article said it all.
Thanks for visiting my blog.
Kara -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 7:06:00 PM ----- BODY:
I'm obsessed with pregnant bellies these days. I'm sure in this little world of blogs I read and people who read this blog that it's not such an unusual obsession. But. It's not an obsession I would have expected, given that we came to adoption as our first choice, not because of infertility. I'm sure this has nothing to do with being on a break at the moment. And I'm sure it has nothing to do with being 30 and being surrounded - make that SURROUNDED - by pregnant women and babies and people trying to get pregnant. Well, okay. But oh my. I stalked followed this woman around the gym for a good half hour today trying to figure out if she was pregnant (hadn't seen her in a while) or if that was just a bump from her walkman. I'm terribly jealous. Jealousy threw me off balance for a few days. I thought: am I second-guessing our adoption plans? But I don't think so. It's no secret that I want to get pregnant... someday... probably. But it's more about wanting the experience of growing a person, not so much about the experience of growing a person who resembles me. I think the current obsession with pregnant bellies is just about the tangibility (wow, that is NOT a word - someone help me here?) the concreteness (still terrible, but bear with me) of the process. No yelling, please. I didn't say the "ease" of the process or the "simplicity" of the process. It's just that a pregnant belly is there and it can't be missed. It says "I will be a parent... and soon." I'd like to get me some of that.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Sacha COMMENT-DATE:8:02 PM COMMENT-BODY:I know how you feel about not being to escape THE BELLY. I refuse to use the term 'bump' which is so beloved by the tabloids. Everywhere I go someone seems to have a belly swollen with child. Grrrrr. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:8:50 PM COMMENT-BODY:Pregnancy is so public--and it does make so concrete a process which for those of us choosing adoption is much more private. And it's hard to see that sometimes.

Wishing you peace while you're waiting for your time to come.... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:9:03 PM COMMENT-BODY:Yes! I think about all the love and anticipation that is showered on pregnant women... and not getting to share in that is one of the things that makes me saddest about our (potential) adoption. I'm not explaning very well and I sound like a whiny brat here, but I... well I feel a post coming on. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:45 PM COMMENT-BODY:"Palpability." And that IS a word.
Anyway, however it happens, I eagerly await becoming a granddad. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger J COMMENT-DATE:8:52 AM COMMENT-BODY:I think that "tangibility" should be a word. I also think that "gription" (a cross between grip/traction) should be a word, so I may not be a good choice as to official "wordmaker."

I digress. I walk around the supermarket and it seems like EVERYONE is pregnant. Sometimes I even think that fat men (just for a second) may be pregnant. That's because I have been looking at bellies first, faces second.

I try to get rid of any "green" feelings I have around pregnant women, but I do want it so very very badly that it's hard, and sometimes sad. But mostly I just sigh and smile and think "me soon." -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:23 AM COMMENT-BODY:I hear ya.. weve been trying to concieve for 5 years. When ya want it.. its all you see. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:10:25 AM COMMENT-BODY:this post brought up a lot for me, actually. i see pregnant women all the time and think...sigh.

but when i was pregnant, the attention freaked me out because i knew i wasn't parenting, so i felt like some sort of Pregnancy Imposter. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Laura COMMENT-DATE:1:48 PM COMMENT-BODY:I hope this doesn't sound stupid, but maybe it's a generational thing too. Noticing women in their late 20s-30s who are pregnant because our generation is on a breeding kick. Maybe we are more conscious of the people we consider reflections of ourselves. Sometimes I wonder if their were so many pregnant women walking around when I didn't feel ready to have a baby. Were they there and I just didn't see? Or is there some kind of population boom happening? -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 10:15:00 PM ----- BODY:
... but I can't seem to cobble together 2 coherent sentences. Boxes are moved. Step-mother-in-law is extremely helpful in a move, and also an alarmist. Dreamt last night of electrical fires after extended conversation about installing ceiling fans. Woke up in a panic, convinced we made a huge mistake. Called the electrician and resolved. Furniture to be moved Friday. Condo association met tonight. Cute neighbors. Don't seem crazy or like they will deal drugs out of the downstairs apartment like the current neighbors. Some more boxes to pack, 2 cats to calm, and a billing address to change with a million companies. Two work-related presentations this week. More worried about finding not-yet-packed professional and unwrinkled clothes than about the presentations themselves. A more substantial and more interesting post, plus photos, very soon.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:12:24 AM COMMENT-BODY:You're so wise to have the electrician handle that.

We shorted out the entire back half of our (former) condo trying to install our own ceiling fans (damn lesbian pride).

Damn lesbian pride wound up costing us $180 an hour (holiday weekend electrician rates).

ouch. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:8:42 AM COMMENT-BODY:Hang in there chica. This is an awesome development and things will settle down little by little over the next week. And -- that week will fly. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:10:37 AM COMMENT-BODY:moving into a new place always involves pendulum swings between excitement at possibilities and fatigue at the implementation of those possibilities (or horror at the cost of the above!).

Hang in there...you'll be settled soon. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:1:21 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congrats on the move.. just remember, the best part of moving is next week or the week after when everything is in its place and you know that not a single closet is jammed with junk :)

yay for your team! -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 5:34:00 PM ----- BODY:
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:6:07 PM COMMENT-BODY:Yay!! Nice floors. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Johnny COMMENT-DATE:7:13 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congrats! It's a nice feeling. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:7:51 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations!

Will we get to see some pictures? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:8:32 PM COMMENT-BODY:Welcome to the world of home ownership! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Erin COMMENT-DATE:12:36 AM COMMENT-BODY:Yay! You're a homo-wner! ;) Congrats...

xo -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:6:13 AM COMMENT-BODY:yippee! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger avonlea COMMENT-DATE:9:51 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congrats on the home! Woohoo! Now you can start bitching about property taxes and renters. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger LilySea COMMENT-DATE:11:20 AM COMMENT-BODY:yea! Congratulations! Now wish us luck on same... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:13 PM COMMENT-BODY:congratulations via cyber-world...let's connect soon. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:05 AM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations! Maybe you guys can explain how these things work to us down the line... -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 4:12:00 PM ----- BODY:
... and we still haven't gotten confirmation of whether we're closing tomorrow, or if we have to wait until Friday or Monday. The mortgage committment from the bank is yet to make an appearance. The lawyer is not returning my phone calls. This is not good. And to add more drama, I am walking around with more money I've ever seen in one place EVER in my checking account, waiting for the closing, and the money is linked to my debit card. If I didn't want this house so much I would be extremely tempted to run amok at the Booksmith. (Hey - if you're reading this and know where I live, don't mug me, okay? This much adrenaline makes a girl a serious threat.)
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Johnny COMMENT-DATE:10:41 PM COMMENT-BODY:It'll be okay. To them, it's just another transaction that got delayed. To you, a first timer, it is some imagined signal.

I've been to one of my own closings where they got the final numbers wrong. We had to do a lot of white-out and initials next to the white-out.

It happens. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:58:00 PM ----- BODY:
I love this woman. She might be playing in your town soon. Go see her if you feel like hearing some really great music. And she's funny. CD release tour starts tomorrow in Michigan.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger J COMMENT-DATE:9:41 AM COMMENT-BODY:Are you really sure we're not the same person?

I saw "Redbird" a few months back...so so so good! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M. COMMENT-DATE:9:53 AM COMMENT-BODY:Um, I'm starting to be less and less sure... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:12:33 PM COMMENT-BODY:We could so be concert-going buddies in real life, Marisa. We LOVE Kris Delmhurst--saw her in a house concert here (the same house in which we saw Erin McKeown!). -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 5:45:00 PM ----- BODY:
I do love those wierd "holidays" Massachusetts decides to give us the day off for. Does anyone know what Patriot's Day is for, besides the Marathon and a 3-day weekend? I took Friday off and convinced my beautiful wife to play hooky from school so we could head down to New York and meet the new babies of two of our close friends.
This is Lilly, our friend J.'s first baby. We went out to lunch with J. and her husband. These first-time parents tucked her right into the front pack and sat with us in a restaurant for almost 4 hours without batting an eyelash or panicking for a moment. I could only hope to be so chill as a new parent. Lilly charmed everyone in sight.

This is Ella, our friend Jill's third baby (second girl). I've used a picture of these two cuties together so you can get a sense of the size of these cheeks. She is officially the fattest baby I have ever known. She comes with the added bonus of being related to these two awesome kids: Home again Saturday night and to pack our fool heads off.

I didn't think I was quite ready to leave our cute apartment and our cute neighborhood until the floor started shaking from the bass downstairs for the 900th time this month and someone who shall remain nameless had to physically restrain me from going downstairs for the 899th time this month to ask them to turn down the freakin' music so that the windows won't break in their panes.

Ahem.

The condo closing is scheduled for Thursday... if all goes well, we'll be homeowners in less than 72 hours. Holy cow.

A more substantial post to come, as soon as I find my brain. I seem to have packed it.

-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:7:31 PM COMMENT-BODY:sooo exciting.

I cried and was convinced we had made a miserable mistake when we moved into our condo.

Two weeks later I couldn't have been happier. So, just a warning to take all the moving day emotions with a grain of salt!

Can't wait to see pictures of the new place!

xo

art-sweet -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:04 PM COMMENT-BODY:I owe you a call -- it's been a busy week -- but saw the post. Congratulations -- and I can't believe the cheeks! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger J COMMENT-DATE:9:46 AM COMMENT-BODY:Us Mainers get Patriots day too.

I don't really know why either - Though I do appreciate the extra day to get my taxes in order! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M3 COMMENT-DATE:11:39 AM COMMENT-BODY:My Masshole friends say Patriot's Day is for drinking. ;-) -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 4:32:00 PM ----- BODY:
Another grateful list, because my mood just changed from crabby and grrr to I feel so lucky. For being home from work by 4 pm For the upcoming 4-day weekend For the first thunderstorm of the season (the first thunderclap a minute ago sent the cats flying off the windowsill) For days so warm I only carry my spring coat because I like the color For days like today when I'm freakin' exhausted because I spent last night with people I love, stuffing my face with amazing food and talking about freedom For another night like that tonight, only with more kids For reconnecting with my wife this week and feeling really excited again about who we are together For the two new baby girls I get to meet for the first time tomorrow. *********** And how about you?
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:11:45 AM COMMENT-BODY:love. in all of its weird, wonderful forms. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:45:00 PM ----- BODY:
Tomorrow night begins Passover, my absolute favorite holiday. But I'm not quite as organized as I usually am around this, and it sneaked up on me. And, as these things tend to go, the prep is chaotic and I don't usually start enjoying myself until we get going. So in honor, here's my pseudo-recipe for some totally unfocused mid-week passover dishes. You need: Asparagus - enough to make your pee stink for about 6 weeks An enormous amount of potatoes 8 eggs 4 onions salt and pepper lemon juice Olive oil First, work a long day. Change into your pajamas immediately upon entering the house. Get all the ingredients out on the counter and stare at them in disbelief for 2-3 minutes, since you can't believe you have to deal with all of this on a Tuesday. Pour a large glass of wine. Prevail upon uncomplaining wife to peel 8,000 potatoes. Set her up to do this in front of a "Friends" re-run to take the edge off. Trim the asparagus and throw it on a baking sheet with a little oil, salt and pepper, and lemon juice. Roast at 350 for about 15 minutes. Do this in about 17 batches since you have so freakin' much of it. Draft a blog post in your head about your co-worker who really hurt your feelings yesterday and went and ratted the whole story to your mutual supervisor today as if she were 11 instead of 41. Finally decide not to post about it for fear of being dooced. Continue fuming silently about it. Pour some more wine. With potatoes and onions taking up every available inch of counter space, dig through bottom cabinet trying to find the right blade for the cuisinart. Throw random tupperwares across the kitchen as you do so. Be sure to curse loudly at the disaster that is this cabinet. Unearth correct blade and spend about 5 minutes trying to get everything back in the cabinet. Don't worry about organizing it, but if you can get the cabinet door to stay closed you can manage not to deal with the cabinet for at least 3 more days. Check People magazine on-line to find out if Katie has had her Scientology alien baby yet. Use the cuisinart to grate all the potatoes and onions. This will require about 112 passes through the cuisinart bowl. Add the eggs and a generous amount of salt and pepper. Spread on a baking sheet. Put it in the oven for an hour and a half-an hour and a quarter at 350 degrees, depending on how thick it is. Stick a fork in the middle to make sure your potatoes are cooked. Shudder at the memory of the time you showed up at your mother-in-law's with half-coooked potato kugel. While it's cooking, watch Scrubs. Enter your wife's name in the contest for what Turk and Carla should name their baby. Somewhere in the middle of this, make a frittata with lots of veggies and rice so you can actually eat a balanced meal tonight too. Carbo-load in advance of Passover as if you're running the Boston marathon. Screw around on the internet and then go to bed early. Lie in bed thinking about all the phone calls you need to make to the bank, the realtor, the lawyer, the housing program, etc. in order to be ready for the condo closing NEXT WEEK. Work all day. Arrive at sister-in-law's house in time for beginning of seder, with asparagus and potato kugel in hand. When everyone ooh's and aaah's about you showing up with your beautiful crispy-on-top kugel and your "brand new spring"-colored asparagus, on time, dressed up and having worked a full day, imagine you are Martha Stewart and, even as you are praying that your potatoes are actually fully cooked, graciously nod and smile and say: "it was nothing!"
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger J COMMENT-DATE:8:15 AM COMMENT-BODY:ha. very good. though you're starting to freak me out with all of the similarities. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M3 COMMENT-DATE:12:48 PM COMMENT-BODY:Loved this post, it made me laugh and made me hungry!! (Always good) -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:09:00 PM ----- BODY:
Last night we went to hear Erin Mckeown with Melissa Ferrick. Erin was the real draw. I. introduced me to her music right after we met in 2000. This woman is amazing - her voice sounds like she should have been born in the 20's. She's an incredible song-writer. I've seen her live at least 8 times and she's never less than a phenomenal performer. But Melissa. Oh, Melissa. I was introduced to Melissa's music in college, and fell in love. Her music was meaningful to me in that way that music is meaningful when you're 20. And it got even more meaningful to me when I broke up with ex-girlfriend #2 and played "The Stranger" so many times on repeat that my housemate volunteered to bash me over the head with the g*d-damned stereo to put both of us out of our misery. (I am embarassed to admit this because ex-girlfriend #2 actually reads this blog, and WOW is that a cheesy song, but at least our relationship is good enough almost 8 years later that I know she'll be delighted to make fun of me for this in person). At some point the stereo was mysteriously destroyed and my Melissa habit was broken. And years later I popped one of her CDs into the stereo and realized that, um, she's just not that good. So I wasn't SO excited about seeing her last night, but of course there was Erin. And as it turns out, Melissa is still a damned good performer. The woman can play. She still talks and plays the guitar faster than any sober human being should be able to. It's just a question of exactly which drug she's doing. I hate to admit it, but I felt like an OLD LESBIAN at this show. At one point a young woman behind us yells out: "I love you Melissa, ow ow ow ow OWWWW!" and I'm so ashamed that my first instinct was to ROLL MY EYES. The crowd was wild for Melissa, and even as I was loving her performance SO much more than I expected to, I kept thinking, "what is the appeal of this woman with .02% body fat and no songwriting talent?" And then, as if to confirm my fear, I. leans over to me and whispers, "Erin is so much more talented than Melissa. I don't get it - talent doesn't even seem to matter. Melissa's like the Britney Spears of lesbian folk music." Well, fuck it. If we're going to be those people who all the cute young queers look at at shows and think "how come those people are here wearing those shoes?" then I'm damn well going to have fun with it. And I'm bringing my ear plugs.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:2:42 PM COMMENT-BODY:OMG, Wifey and I are sitting here howling! You're Ffffunnny. And yes, we totally agree about dear sweet MF the crack head. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:3:12 PM COMMENT-BODY:We love Erin Mckeown--we got introduced to her here at a house concert, and just loved it, and have been fans ever since. She is a great songwriter; I like the variety in her work, and that voice.

Plus she is awfully cute when she dances while she sings and wears high top sneakers.

And I am enough of an old lesbian never to have heard of MF. I am definitely the least hip person in the house! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger J COMMENT-DATE:12:36 AM COMMENT-BODY:Hi - delurking:)

My thoughts EXACTLY on EM vs: MF. I was introduced to EM a few years ago when she played a tiny venue in my city...MF on the other hand...well, her music seemed incredibly important to me shortly after I came out of the closet - 10 years ago. I enjoyed many of her shows in the mid-late 90's, but then....really didn't like any of her new stuff.

Every year she does at least one obligitory date in "gay town" in my state, and I always think - gee, maybe we should go - and then I remember that she's not that great.

And, uhm, I always think she looks too think and is on drugs, but that's another story.

Nice blog -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 8:21:00 PM ----- BODY:
This recipe is ideal for a Saturday night when you've spent the past 6 days busting your ass to get a grant proposal in and have hardly 1) seen your poor neglected wife 2) seen your poor neglected cats 3) returned any phone calls, even from people you really want to talk to (love you, Florida girl) 4) done a damn thing to keep your house running, like laundry or dishes, and 5) done any blogging. But the recipe's also good when you're home on any old Saturday night and REALLY happy to be home. You need: 1/2 pound of curly or bow-tie pasta (get the good old white flour stuff - none of that low-carb bullshit - it's comfort food, remember?) 4 cloves of garlic, thinly sliced A spoonful of pitted olives, whatever kind you like (I use Kalamatas), roughly chopped A spoonful of gorgonzola or some other strong cheese A handful of grape tomatoes (or you can use a chopped red bell pepper) Hot pepper to taste - either chopped fresh or dried Ground black pepper, to taste. Put the water on to boil. Put a generous splash of olive oil into a heavy pan over low heat. Don't pay attention to how much oil you're using - your weight is not the point, and anyway, olive oil is good for your heart. Once the oil is hot, add the garlic and hot peppers. Give it about 5 minutes, and add the tomatoes or bell peppers. Keep them on the heat until the pasta is done cooking. Drain the pasta and put it back in the pot. Add the hot oil with the veggies. Add the olives and the cheese and as much black pepper as you want. Serve with a big old glass of wine and either good company or a trashy magazine (I recommend "People")
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:12:14 AM COMMENT-BODY:I am going to substitute capers for the olives and torture my children with this. It sounds so good, and they will so hate it. Yum. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 6:28:00 PM ----- BODY:
Here's a wierd one for you: Yesterday I read Lisa's post about blogging and anonymity. I heard what she was saying loud and clear. I don't tell anyone in my real life my blog address these days, but the lines are not so clear. Despite my using my first name, posting photos, and referencing pretty often where I live, I was floored today when someone casually said to me: "my girlfriend likes your blog." The person who said this to me is someone I've known casually for a handful of years and haven't seen in probably close to a year. And I've never met her girlfriend (or maybe I have, on-line? Hi, girlfriend!). I imagine this is what it must feel like occasionally to be a celebrity, only, um, without the personal trainer and all the money. I'm sure I've probably physically crossed paths unknowingly with other people who read this, or I've read their blogs. But there's something a little strange about being recognized by someone you've never met. I wonder about other people out there. There's one person who comments occasionally who could be one of my co-workers. (If that's true, then you know who you are, and please: don't tell me). Occasionally, like Lisa, I've thought about going password-protected. But then how will I know if I've won the popularity contest what new hobby will I take on to replace my obsessive sitemeter checking?
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:8:45 PM COMMENT-BODY:Plus, password protecting not only cuts down on traffic, but may make some people feel left out.

So what did you say to the person who knew about your blog? I would be stunned. I mean I have to explain to most people what a blog is even.

I also am really thinking I've got a big damn ego, to think anyone I know casually would look at my blog more than once or twice. I mean, they hear this crap first hand, do they really want to read it? Yeah, it's my secret club, but there aren't that many people who want to be members.

I know that sitemeter is a dangerous drug. Not that I would know. Or click on it constantly. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:8:47 PM COMMENT-BODY:I try to keep my blog anonymous, especially to ex GFs -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:9:00 PM COMMENT-BODY:I hardly ever ask anyone for a password to their blog (and the one that I have, I always forget to go check since I can't do bloglines on it) since I figure the passwords are for people who *really* know them, not just readers like me.

Last week I got e-mail from someone I'd written about in my blog (one of my friends in the profession) saying that she was really touched by my blog, which she'd learned about from another mutual friend. I was thinking "Gee, I don't remember telling Friend about that, but I guess I did" when it turned out that I was telling stories at a recent conference which made this other person think 'hey, that sounds like a blog I read."

I've got mixed feelings about telling people I know about my blog. Mostly I don't, but now that I'm actually writing somewhat regularly there are more times that I want to tell someone about it. It's a complicated issue. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Shirky COMMENT-DATE:10:04 PM COMMENT-BODY:don't go password protected!

I've never asked for a password when blogs I read go behind the curtain. I guess I always feel like if it's that secret, it's none of my business (I do get curious though).

If you're worried about too many people reading, you can get really boring until they go away and forget you. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:10:33 PM COMMENT-BODY:how sticky icky wicky.

I second or third or fourth or whatever the people voting not to go password protected.

I've seen something on several people's blogs saying - if you know me in real life I don't want to know.

But who am I to talk? I freak out whenever I see someone within 100 miles of our smallish city show up on sitemeter! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger charlotte COMMENT-DATE:11:31 PM COMMENT-BODY:Blog stuff is very strange indeed. I think the anonymity is what makes it feel free to me. I have only told one real life friend that I blog. My blog is a place where I mostly don't censor my feelings and thoughts, and I would if people I knew were reading it.

Password protection does not really protect from much.

Oh, also I like your blog too. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Marie COMMENT-DATE:4:10 PM COMMENT-BODY:I've had, oh maybe about a dozen blogs that I eventually deleted because WTF, they weren't getting any traffic. Sheesh. Talk about a swell-headed twit. I screwed up sitemeter with so many blogs that now it doesn't even track traffic right. IRL people I know smile condescendingly about me having a blog and secretly think I'm a megalomaniac. Yeah, well. Blogs are the only place I know where people actually "hear"/read what you have to say. I could get used to that. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:5:14 PM COMMENT-BODY:Yes yes I know what you mean!

I moved to Word Press so I would have the *ability* to password-protect certain posts, but that's only because I'm scared of Elmer & Elsie finding it. (No, they don't know about my blog; it's my place to rant about them, and if I'm outing too much of their personal life, well, oops, it made for good reading... what can I say?) But I haven't actually put passwords on anything yet.

Only recently (when a lady at CHURCH came up to me and said, "I've been enjoying your website!" and I thought, "hmm, maybe I won't write about my sexual escapades anymore,") did I realize that I should change some people's names, or use some abbreviations, just in case certain people would ever find out and get angry...

But yeah, I think I'm too addicted to Site Meter as well... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger wen COMMENT-DATE:5:33 PM COMMENT-BODY:I went to a baby shower (for two of my female friends who are entering the Jessica Has Two Mommies realm and having their first kid. It was trippy because there were a number of people I knew from their blogs only (and they knew me from mine). We've all posted relatively intense stuff at times and as one woman remarked to me, "isn't it weird we know all this about each other?"

Alas, I don't think I know you, but hey, I might be wrong. :) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:19 PM COMMENT-BODY:Im one of those random people from blogdom that happened upon your blog somehow... and stayed. I guess Im not too much of a freak. You seem like such a "real" person and I like you. (not in a stalkerish wierdo kind of way, I promise)I used to live in a place where there were a lot of "real" people, and now? Not so much. No diversity at all, and I miss it. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M. COMMENT-DATE:10:24 AM COMMENT-BODY:Yeah, password protecting is a little silly unless you're only going to let IRL people in. I think if you want to be really anonymous, you should just use a different name, be sure to not indicate where you live or give away other tidbits that would help find you and use no pictures. Well, it's a little late for us! I guess I'm not really that paranoid on this (just on most other things).

Oh, and I had to say that not only do I like your blog, I also like your profile. I'm also a queer mama to be and a dire hard NPO worker. : ) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M. COMMENT-DATE:10:28 AM COMMENT-BODY:Oh, I forgot to add that we only have told one friend about our blog and would be freaked out if people we know IRL found it. Yet, that doesn't stop us.

And, the REAL reason I followed the comment you made on ArtSweet's blog to check out yours is your blogger name. I just liked it for some reason. : ) -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 5:37:00 PM ----- BODY:
Inspired by the illustrious Nina (who I know in real life but whose blog I only discovered recently) and by my own desire to quit moaning and groaning all the time on this blog, here's my "grateful list" for today... For little sweet middle-of-the-day text messages from I. For this stunning 70+-degree day at the end of March and the little lonely but glowing crocus in front of my house For my supervisor who sent me home with a laptop and told me not to show my face in the office all week For my disgusting dirty house that will be sparkling clean in about 3 hours For the $12 in my pocket that's going to buy me a bottle of white wine as soon as I finish cleaning For the 7-pound being that keeps walking back and forth across the keyboard as I type because she really, really wants some lovin' For my friends who keep leaving me voice mails even when I am a punk-ass about returning phone calls For the basket full of yarn that makes me think that maybe I'm creative even when I don't feel that way at all For the drawer full of mangoes and avocadoes in my fridge

What are you grateful for this Friday night?

-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:7:26 PM COMMENT-BODY:Ooh, I like this one. It's a good way to re-orient my thinking:

grateful for:

-Pili who bought ravioli because I was craving it and is currently off to UPS to pick up an errant package of mine

-Having the resources to pursue this whole fertili/adoption-coaster

-The crocuses in my garden, shining in the sun this morning

-The intern who kept me from having to cut up 200 cardboard squares at work this morning

-The 14 pound (!) furball lolling on my lap as I type

-My family, for loving both of us so very much... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger King Noah COMMENT-DATE:9:51 PM COMMENT-BODY:Yeap, after receiving news that 7 more couple in our pool adopted, I kind of need to dig deep inside to find things to be grateful for.
I am grateful for:
- The pistachios and glass of wine that were waiting for me when I came back from work tonight.
- The spring fever that is turning trees and bushes in my yard absolutely crazy with delightful colors.
- The nice dinner that my DH is preparing for me right now.
- The hope that I still have despite having waited over 13 months in the pool. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:6:56 AM COMMENT-BODY:-a day off
-my cool bubble apartment
-a job that allows me to grow
-an enormous gray furball who doesn't have the inclination to come near me at the moment
-my sweetie
-good blogger buddies.

happy saturday morning. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger nina beana COMMENT-DATE:4:09 PM COMMENT-BODY:hey! being great-full out loud feels so cheesy but i find that it helps me stay focused and positive. love your pic of your fridge and fruit. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 2:04:00 PM ----- BODY:
Mass. high court says nonresident gays cannot marry in the state - Boston.com: "Gov. Mitt Romney applauded the ruling. 'We don't want Massachusetts to become the Las Vegas of same-sex marriage,' he said." Also known as: we regret to inform you that we must withold your civil rights because your skin is the wrong color you live on the wrong side of the state line. Please check back in a few more decades so we can determine whether we can accomodate your request at that time.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Shirky COMMENT-DATE:10:03 AM COMMENT-BODY:Wouldn't want Massachusetts to become the Las Vegas of equality, now, would we?

Maybe this year we can get the 1913 statute repealed--that would simplify matters. Quick, while Romney is distracted by 2008! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger charlotte COMMENT-DATE:1:18 PM COMMENT-BODY:Total Massholes. Can you imagine Boston as the 'gay Las Vegas'? That would be cool. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 8:24:00 PM ----- BODY:
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:8:07 PM COMMENT-BODY:These are beautiful.

Thanks for sharing, and for reminding me that spring WILL be here sometime before next winter. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger nina beana COMMENT-DATE:11:37 AM COMMENT-BODY:love the photos-

keep your head up girl. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M3 COMMENT-DATE:12:29 AM COMMENT-BODY:Wow, those are some kick-ass pictures Marisa! I'm sitting here in the middle of a rainy stormy month smiling while I look at them. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 6:24:00 PM ----- BODY:
There's nothing more guaranteed to make me bawl than someone being nice to me when I'm sad. In high school two of my good friends and I would say these kinds of things to each other when one of us was crying: That's the biggest zit I've ever seen. Your hair is SO greasy today. Who told you it was a good idea to wear those jeans with that ass? It was guaranteed to coax a smile from even the most wobegone adolescent drama queen. My mother just called after reading this post (yes, I suck, I let her read about it here instead of hearing it from me personally) and was really nice to me. You know how that story ends. I've been trying to write a substantial post in my head all week, but it hasn't made it to the screen. Our decision to postpone the adoption is occupying probably 75% of the brain space that's not taken up by "find food," "deal with logistics for new house" and "this job is kicking my ass." Despite that, I don't have much to write about it. I have enough clarity that I know this was the right decision. I can not and will not do this without my partner 100% with me. It's that clarity that keeps me upright. But I'm sad. I'm just... sad.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:34 PM COMMENT-BODY:I am sorry you are sad. I hope that you can both be on the same page sooner rather than later. I know there is nothing I can really say to make you feel any better, but know I am thinking about you. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:35 PM COMMENT-BODY:I'm sad for you. I should be more upbeat, but I know how much this means to you, and being the right decision doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I'm sorry... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Shirky COMMENT-DATE:10:50 PM COMMENT-BODY:Once I rode the train home looking so miserable that all the panhandlers told me to cheer up, it was going to be okay, which made me cry.

Hang in there...and can you spare twenty five cents? Twenty five cents? -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 3:39:00 PM ----- BODY:
My mechanic just called. The work required to make my car go again (or rather, to make it stop once it's going), will cost EXACTLY what I got when I sold my beloved and reliable 15-year-old Honda (may she rest in peace). Bike path, anyone?
-------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 11:25:00 AM ----- BODY:
I can't say I really aspire to be evil, but that last bit does make me feel just a little better this morning. Bwah-hah-hah-hah-hah!
You Are 24% Evil
A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.
How Evil Are You?
-------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 8:42:00 PM ----- BODY:
Whine. Whine whine whine. Kvetch. Complain and grumble. Bitch, moan. It's so boring it doesn't even merit a blog posting, and of course we all know that that's saying a lot. I have nothing that isn't thoroughly mundane to whine about, so I'll spare you, mostly. Back when I'm in a better mood, and (hopefully) less boring.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:11:08 PM COMMENT-BODY:Marisa - I know it's a terrible disappointment. I weep for you. But you go ahead and do the thing that's right for you as a couple. The only way to make a marriage work is to MAKE it WORK! Take it from the guy who's been married to your mom for 34 years, and it has been HARD WORK at times, and I'm more goofy about her than ever. We'll talk. Love you. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 7:03:00 PM ----- BODY:
Did anyone outside of my family say leks and shmeks? It's when you don't cook anything and you just root around in the fridge and make a meal out of 4 bites of this and three bites of that and a mouthful of this. That's all I've got for you tonight. Job: Kicking my ass. Running two conferences and a training for high school teachers this week. Running two more conferences next week. Have hardly seen the inside of my office. Losing my footing seems to be the way it goes these days. When does a new job stop being so damned new? It'd be fun to be back in a place where I don't constantly feel like I'm about to drop all the balls I've got in the air. Condo: Great. Passed inspection Sunday with flying colors. Averaging 7 phone calls a day to banks, lawyers, brokers, and housing program. Spending hideous amounts of money. Happy about it except when I'm panicking. Finally, an excuse to go to Ikea. Fun stuff: at the moment, I'm learning to knit (stay tuned for a baby sweater that should be done by the time said baby is getting her master's degree), taking the third-level ASL class, and am joining a new book club. And now we're moving on top of all of that. Why did I think this was a good idea to do everything at once? Oh yeah, so I could distract myself from being bored and lonely. Right. It's working. Very well - I hardly have a minute to breathe, let alone to whine. And the important stuff: I'm so moved by all your kind words about our decision to postpone the adoption. It really means so much to know that other people get it, and other people have been through it and lived to tell the tale and to be happy about how things went, even when they deviated from the original plan. Thank you. Very very much.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:12:02 PM COMMENT-BODY:while i haven't heart that expression, it will now be in my rotation. keep your ears peeled. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M3 COMMENT-DATE:11:27 AM COMMENT-BODY:I haven't heard that expression, but it's a good one! In our house it was always "hey we're having Mahoney* Hash" and we knew to stock up on snack foods or you'd have to actually eat it. I firmly believe to this day that corn does not belong in anything but a pot on its own with maybe a little salt and butter. Period.

Congrats on the condo, and much support about your decision to postpone the adoption. It sounds agonizingly hard, but like you're doing the right thing and giving the decision the time it needs.


*last name changed to protect the innocent (my mother the cook, ha) -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 7:55:00 PM ----- BODY:
Because we're on hold. With the adoption, that is. It was not the way I had thought it would go. But it's okay. Really it is. It's the right thing for us to do right now. I've been thinking a lot of about marriage and relationships recently. I was thinking about calling this post "married people behaving badly," but in fact that's the opposite of what's happening. I think we're on hold because we're both working really hard to behave well. Oh, this stuff is complicated. It's not that we haven't been behaving well. I think I. and I have an incredible relationship. But we're in transition. We're married 2 years this spring, and somewhere in the past 6 months or so we stopped being newlyweds. Being newlyweds was really, really fun. Being an "old married couple" is harder (I know I don't need to qualify the snark in that whole "old" thing for you, right?) But we're both convinced of why we want to be an old married couple, and we're starting to learn what it really means to be a successful old married couple. That's hard work. When we got married, we both went into it with a committment to busting our asses to make things work and the understanding that neither of us believed in marriage simply for the sake of keeping a promise. My mother, I think, was horrified when she heard this. She believes that when you leave the exit doors open you can't help but look out them from time to time and plot your escape. This is a woman who is still married to the person she married in 1972 AND still likes him. I paid attention. I. had a different take on things. We come from different families, and so we have different expectations about marriage and relationships and fighting and forgiveness and honesty and love. This is not rocket science: anyone in a long-term relationship deals with these different kinds of expectations. And it's not insurmountable in the least. But it still comes up anew every time we pass another benchmark in our relationship. On top of all this, we've watched our friends struggle in their relationships when they became parents. Most have come out on top. Most have gone through hell in the meantime. The ones who were great before they had kids came out great, and with somewhat less heartache than the ones who started on less solid footing. We want to be great. We're already great. We want to be greater. So, I was ready and she wasn't, though it didn't start out that way. But she was right. It took me a while to get past the "I just want a baby right now right now right now!" stage so I could see beyond myself and get a glimpse of US. And when I saw us I knew she was right. I don't want to have a baby when only one of us is ready. We don't work that way. As much as we make fun of ourselves for processing the hell out of everything, it works for us. And it's one of the things I love the most about us as a couple. So we're on hold. Right now it's only for a month or so after when we had originally planned to finish the home study. In May, after we move, after I. graduates, we'll take another look and see where we are. We cancelled what would have been our last home study meeting. All the paperwork is done (except for that damn family profile, which I've been worrying off and on for 6 months). All we need to do is meet with our social worker once more when we're ready so she can say she saw us within 30 days of doing her home study write-up. It's wierd. For I.'s sake, and eventually for our sake, I postponed one of the things that I want most. And when it first occured to me that this might need to happen, I cried harder than I've cried in a long time. And trust me when I say that it wasn't a one-time thing. But it's not a sacrifice for I. - it's not all about selflessness and Being Nice to Your Wife. I finally got that it's for both of us. Tonight I read this and it made me cry for a different reason, because it felt so real:

"...being this lucky.... I think I worry that any minute now the planet is going to notice that I'm getting so much of what I've always wanted, realize its cosmic mistake and send me right back to where I belong."

I have so much of what I want. And of course the insanity that happened this week just compounds that feeling. What kind of karma did I accrue in my last life that I get to have all this? So, it breaks my heart to wait. But it's okay, too. It'll happen, and we'll be better parents - and a better family - when it does. Here's hoping for sooner rather than later.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Erin COMMENT-DATE:10:25 PM COMMENT-BODY:Wow. My girl and I went though a lot of this too... I'm always been the one who's ready for each new transition first in our relationship (marriage, house, kid, etc) and I think I was ready to parent about two years before J was.

It really, really sucked.

And I definitely had my moments of wheedling (which I'm not proud of) and begging for a timeline and crying.

But I also had the sense (as you do) to realize that this was *the* person I wanted to raise said babies with and that both of us had to be staunchly on the same page in order for us to survive the stress of new parenthood.

And when I think of how we wouldn't have had James -- not "a baby" but *my* baby James -- had our journey to parenthood gone any differently.. well. He was definitely worth the wait.

Here's to you and your girl and to your baby -- who *will* find you.

xo -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger LilySea COMMENT-DATE:10:54 PM COMMENT-BODY:We've slowed down on our #2 track for the same reason. We have some friends who started having major problems while pregnant with #2 and it looks like they really might not make it--with two tiny children and the second adoption not even complete (2nd parent adoption that is--ouch).
So we stepped back and re-evaluated and decided to take a breather for a couple of months and make sure we're really ready.
Marriage is super hard as it is.
Parenting is a whole different thing from marriage and also super hard.
Juggling both really takes dedication, and sometimes that means slowing down... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Ber COMMENT-DATE:12:51 PM COMMENT-BODY:My partner and I went through similar stuff. She's always wanted to be a mom, plus she's five years older than me, so she was "ready" soon after we got together. I was very ambivalent about the whole kids thing. She kept pushing me, and I kept an eye on an exit strategy. We loved each other enough to see that wasn't healthy. It was the best thing for us. It took me a few years to get ready, but now I am, and I can't wait to be a mom. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger susan COMMENT-DATE:8:17 PM COMMENT-BODY:You're being brave and honest and thoughtful, Marisa. We were never in the position of putting the adoption on hold, but we processed the decision for 3, 5 years before we were both ready to go ahead, and those last years were hard. But we knew we needed the time to make the right decisions, ultimately.

But it's hard when you have to step back from something you know you want in order to help the relationship you want proceed. I wish you peace with that part of the decision.

And hugs. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Sparky COMMENT-DATE:11:44 PM COMMENT-BODY:I haven't checked in for a while and I am just catching up. Smart move to put things on hold until you are both ready. I am sad for you but in the end I do think that this work work itself out. Bob and I went through the same thing...he was ready, I wasn't quite there. He waited for me. He never hounded me. Our marriage got stronger as a result. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:34:00 PM ----- BODY:
... was accepted - the place is ours! Pending inspection and our ability to write a non-bouncing check that includes an unheavenly number of zeros, we close April 20th. Yeah!!!!
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:10:24 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congrats! That's fabulous. Now start doing hand exercises to prepare for signing your names about a million times at the closing... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Johnny COMMENT-DATE:10:36 PM COMMENT-BODY:Congrats! Now, the terror begins! Responsibility and a mortgage! Ack! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Barb COMMENT-DATE:8:28 AM COMMENT-BODY:YAY! CONGRATS! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Amy COMMENT-DATE:11:21 AM COMMENT-BODY:Congratulations you two, this is fantastic news! Ruby and I are both very happy for you! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Laura COMMENT-DATE:11:35 AM COMMENT-BODY:Congrats, can't wait to see pictures! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger M3 COMMENT-DATE:12:09 PM COMMENT-BODY:Wow, congratulations!!!!! Home sweet home. Bring it on! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:50 AM COMMENT-BODY:Woo hoo! I vote for pictures too! -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 2:14:00 PM ----- BODY:
The offer letter is in. I'm alternating between a lovely zen we're-doing-the-right-thing calm and utter panic. If you don't like my mood, just wait a minute. It did just occur to me that I am 30 years old and signing onto a 30-year mortgage. 30 years ago exactly I was trying to focus my eyes in the hope that I could figure out what the hell was going on. 30 years from now I'll be my mother's age. Come to think of it, maybe things actually haven't changed much. Stay tuned.
-------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 10:14:00 PM ----- BODY:
This month's SPT theme is time. Four days in a row, same time every day. What did I learn? 1) I'm grumpy every single morning 2) I should probably wash my robe more often 3) My hair looks shinier when there's a flash on it. 4) Picasa2 does lots of fun things with not-such-creative photos. Posted by Picasa
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Johnny COMMENT-DATE:2:19 PM COMMENT-BODY:I thought you had red hair, freckles, glasses, and red lipstick on at all times.

Wait...oh, never mind. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger My Baby Ain't White COMMENT-DATE:9:34 PM COMMENT-BODY:Damn, if only I looked that good early in the morning. Sigh.

Jealous in NC,
Karen -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 6:58:00 PM ----- BODY:
You can just call me Turtle, baby. Stay tuned for the next project, in about 11 years. Posted by Picasa
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:1:21 PM COMMENT-BODY:Hooray, hooray, hooray! Well done! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger nina beana COMMENT-DATE:3:09 PM COMMENT-BODY:looks great! i can't do hats...i want to learn some day. -------- AUTHOR: M. DATE: 10:04:00 PM ----- BODY:
In the past two days, we've raced around like maniacs, and have successfully managed to: 1) Get a lawyer 2) Get pre-approved for a mortgage 3) Decipher all sorts of ridiculous mortgage-related jargon (it's like stupid St*rbucks - why can't I just order a medium? Pisses me off every time) 4) Set up another appointment to see the condo this weekend, with my father-in-law in tow to be another set of eyes 5) Drive through the neighborhood during daylight hours and clock the distance from the house to approximately 47 different important locations (like our favorite brunch place - this is critical information, folks) 6) Exchange at least 9 emails with the buyer's agent 7) Call my real-estate agent aunt at least 4 times and pepper her with questions 8) Call my mother at least 17 times and talk her ear off about this process. Can you think of anything I've forgotten? Now that just about everything's in place to make an offer, and we know how much we want to offer, and we actually know how to make an offer, we're panicking. I KNOW this is "good" debt, I KNOW this is a good price, I KNOW we like the neighborhood, I KNOW no one buys their dream home the first time out. But holy cow this is a lot of money to be signing onto. Our Alleged Future Kids will be out of college before we finish paying this off. And if my calculations are right, the amount of money we can put down should mean that we would own... let's see... the living room! Outright! Are we panicking because this isn't the right place? Or are we panicking because this is far and away the biggest financial committment we've ever made? And how on earth do we figure out which it is?
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:11:48 PM COMMENT-BODY:I dunno about the condo stuff.

But I am SO with you on the Starbucks issue. Take your "grande" and shove it!

Good luck with all the tough decisions! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:59 AM COMMENT-BODY:When we bought our first house, I had some real panic attacks and sleepless nights. My god, lots of money, what if we can't make the mortgage, 30 years is a long time.

I got over it, and the two houses we have since bought are a piece of cake emotionally on the committment thing.

It's overwhelming at first, but you will quickly adjust. Good luck. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:35 AM COMMENT-BODY:I have to chuckle!! I so remember being the crazy panicked wanna be homebuyer! Lots of sleepness nights, lots of days spent agonizing over every detail and possible future scenario. That was 2 houses ago, soon to be #3. You become an old pro after the first. Good luck! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Johnny COMMENT-DATE:9:37 AM COMMENT-BODY:It's normal for the first house. You will also be getting a hand-cramp from all the "initial here, sign here" you'll be doing.

Also, you'll be self-guessing and miserable (financially) for the first 2 years. In the third year, it will look like a piece-o-cake. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:12:55 AM COMMENT-BODY:I think everyone feels like they are 'signing their life away' but it is so worth it. Much better than giving your money to someone else. --------