AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:09:00 PM ----- BODY:

Working on the "placement situation considerations" worksheet. Found a new sticking point. Gone are concerns about health issues and the obvious things that come to mind. Have fully absorbed a scary, this-never-happens-but-it-sticks-in-your-mind-when-it-does kind of story. Here's how it goes: adoptive parents matched with birth mother. Birth mother signs away rights. Birth father, who sounds like a real gem, states that he is completely uninterested in having any responsibility or relationship with child, but, to punish birth mother, refuses to sign on the dotted line. A few months go by, birth mother panics about her decision. Has reunited with birth father (or maybe just re-established contact) by this point, uses him - since his rights are not yet terminated - to challenge the adoption. He still has rights, infant is only 3 1/2 months old, points go to the birth father, adoptive parents are now childless and devastated. Does it get much worse? In Massachusetts, birth parents can't sign away parental rights until day 4 after the infant's birth. If the birth father is not around, and can't be found with "reasonable effort," after a handful of months (six, maybe?), you can file legal paperwork to terminate his parental rights. The laws in this case are designed to protect the best interest of the child, which means that, assuming everything has been done legally, if a birth parent were to contest custody, the child stays with the adoptive parents. The whole thing can also be avoided by our NOT walking into a situation where the birth father is unknown or refuses to sign. The problem with that is, you don't always know. If everyone says it beforehand, okay. The laws that say you can't sign away parental rights for 4 days are based on the reality of giving up your relationship with a human being that you made, and it seems reasonable that everyone should have a few days to chew on it. But a lot of things happen in four days. We also know of a family that adopted a baby with an "unknown" birth father - a man the birth mother hooked up with on vacation in Mexico - and they hired a Private Investigator to go down to the tiny town where she vacationed and knock on doors. He found him in three days, and the birth father signed as fast as he could. A done deal. Now, I know that I have publicly resolved to at least TRY not to overthink every part of this, but really...

-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:9:05 AM COMMENT-BODY:Ahhh...you're stressing me out, and I'm not even the one adopting. Here's the deal -- stop thinking about this stuff. 1. There is nothing you can do to prevent a hard situation. 2. 99% of adoptions do not include a hard situation. 3. Think of all the young women you've working with over the years (in your professional and volunteer life) who would love to have you and IHK for parents, and are committed to doing the right thing to ensure that their babies have the great life. Take a deep breath.

In the grand scheme of things, this period of time would be your first trimester. But you don't need self-imposed morning sickness. :-) --------