AUTHOR: M. DATE: 8:57:00 PM ----- BODY:

Way back when I wrote about the no-good, very bad, terrible horrible things that went on when I told my Nana that we were planning to adopt a baby, and to adopt a baby who's not white. Her response, at least initially, was "You're doing what?!?! Adopting a what?!?!" Since then: Angry family members. Accusations of closed-mindedness. Accusations of not listening. Letters and emails back and forth. Letters and emails unanswered. Little efforts to reach out. Bouts of empathy, irritation, selfishness, and exhaustion. Therapy. Talking to everyone about it. Talking to no one about it. Long periods of silence. Longer periods of stubborness. And maybe, just maybe, a breakthrough the other day. Not the entire package I had hoped for, but one thing at a time. A phone call from Nana. She misses me. She doesn't want our relationship ruined over this. She still doesn't understand why we want to do this, but she's working on it. Her strength has never been understanding how someone can happy on terms other than her own. But she didn't understand my relationship with I. either, and she worked her way through that with astonishing speed. I think there's hope that she may be able to see her way through enough of this for our relationship to come out the other side, if not intact, at least in a few large semi-attached pieces. I didn't hear a word about adopting v. giving birth. Point: Nana. I didn't hear anything reminiscent of the "please at least adopt a baby from China" request from July. Point: Nana. Some of her newfound understanding comes from a place I can't say I could handle coming from anyone else: you're doing such a good thing for the world. This baby would never be successful without you - African American babies don't have a chance. Etc. Points: absolutely no one. Except maybe a quarter point to me for managing NOT to respond to that one. One thing at a time. (Minus the 20 points for feeling guilty over not dealing with racism in one of the first of 8 zillion incidents we - especially our child - will experience in our lifetime). But this is undeniable progress. We're speaking to each other. We plan to keep speaking to each other. I'm a process queen, remember? I don't think this can work without talking about it. This roller coaster has stopped short before, and it might again. Stay tuned for the update, and keep your fingers crossed.

-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:8:55 AM COMMENT-BODY:Congrats! What a huge development in such a short time. Sounds like she'll come around with just a bit more time to process it in her head. Good for you to have such a good perspective on it though, particularly with tons of family drama bubbling up around the issue. I certainly don't envy your 'limelight' position. You're doing something brave here. I'm impressed. --------