AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:44:00 PM ----- BODY:

I'm working on my autobiographical statement for our home study agency, and once again I am almost speechless by all the deliberation that goes into this process. I know that of course people who grow their babies instead of adopting them think through these issues - religion, culture, values, expectations for your child, and so on - before they give birth. But even so, there's something about being handed a piece of paper that asks you to lay these things out in a very organized (at least in theory) way that just feels so... if I use the word "mindful" do I risk making myself into a cliche? Anyway, it feels HUGE and not a little intimidating, and not just because I want an "A" on our home study. That said, overprocessing girl that I am, I'll take this as one more sign that adoption is the right way for us to go about having a kid. Among a dozen or so other questions on the form is one that asks about my "hopes, dreams, and desires" for our child. How do you answer this? And more importantly, how do you answer it without making it sound like you hope your child will be a clone of you (which would be ridiculous even when your child does have a biological connection to you)? Mostly I want my child to grow up to be a thoughtful, caring, insightful, generous person who is proud of who he or she is. I want him or her to find things that he or she is passionate about and to have the resources to pursue them. I want him or her always to feel supported and loved and respected by me and Isadora and by our families and friends. And also, in no particular order: Make a living doing work that he or she loves to do Work to change things that seem unfair Go to college, either sooner or later Always feel part of a community Have a strong work ethic and a strong play ethic Read a lot Have a better singing voice than me (this is not a tall order) Vote in every election, even the muni ones where no one votes Pay attention to the world Not beat anyone up on the playground, or anywhere else Like spicy food and dark chocolate (though I'd settle for a not-fussy eater) What else would you add? What are the things you can realistically hope for your child, and what are the things (like "my child will never go anywhere near a pacifier") that make your friends-who-are-already-parents roll their eyes in gentle disgust at your oh-so-dogmatic approach to something you've never done before?

-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:01 PM COMMENT-BODY:Marisa, this is lovely. Does it occur to you that "I want my child to grow up to be a thoughtful, caring, insightful, generous person who is proud of who he or she is" is a very good description of YOU? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:10:22 AM COMMENT-BODY:The ability to express himself emotionally and creatively in spite of our culture's attempt to stiffle those traits in little boys and men, while also standing up for himself when appropriate. [fingers tightly crossed] -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: M. COMMENT-DATE:6:47 PM COMMENT-BODY:FKM - as long as I've known you, and from what I know of the Little Man at the tender age of 2 1/2, I feel completely confident that you are raising a good, expressive, emotional little person. Also, the I'm still laughing about the 45 straight minutes of jumping up and down I saw last weekend... --------