AUTHOR: M. DATE: 11:12:00 AM ----- BODY:

At the request of Femiknit Mafia, here's the "witnessing racism" story I referenced in my earlier post, "Get the lead out." Even as I'm writing this, given all the soul-searching angst I detailed in that post about telling this story, it's starting to feel a little banal. But roll with it anyway, okay? The short version: I was visiting someone important to me who lives in a community where, as in much of this country, the wealthy consumers are primarily white, the people who call the shots are white, and the people who sweep floors and serve dinner are people of color. It's the kind of community where that appalling and obvious but oh-so-genteel (except behind closed doors) racism that's in style these days is on front-and-center display. My host introduced me to a woman who is new in this community, an Asian-American woman who had been hired recently for a big-shot job. They chatted for a few minutes, and the woman left. My host turns to me and we have this conversation: Host: She's doing very well here. I don't think there are any other Asians working here. She's really a credit to her race - it speaks very well for them. Marisa: Wh... Uh... But... Don't you think... Uh... That's really... Host: Should we get some lunch? Marisa: Okay. That's it. That's the whole story. But a 6 or 8 years later I'm still carrying it around and I still cringe when I think of my total failure to respond. You can carry on about needing to pick your battles, and I know that nothing was said TO this woman, and the person who said it genuinely meant it as a compliment. And yet... This person was (and is) important to me, and it still feels like a "battle" I should have picked, because it would have been the right thing to do - and I had nothing to lose. As I was talking to my partners at the Dialogues about this, one of them made the point that EVERYONE has these knee-jerk thoughts - which goes back to all of us growing up in soil full of lead. This person was - and still is - the one person in my life who is honest enough to say these things out loud.

-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:12:13 AM COMMENT-BODY:I want to say how much I appreciate your "lead in the soil" metaphor. Isn't it a bitch that we we know in our hearts that we don't believe any of those reflex things that we've soaked in, but we still have to keep wrestling with them? At this late stage of my life, I'm at least giving up feeling guilty about it. Took me a long time even to get there. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: M. COMMENT-DATE:7:45 AM COMMENT-BODY:Sster, thanks! You've made me feel a little better. It's that whole thinking-on-my-feet that gets me every time... Sounds like it got you too. --------