AUTHOR: M. DATE: 5:47:00 PM ----- BODY:
Before you read this, you should know that this is a complete brain-dump.
There have been some posts out there recently (Sster and Deanna, to name a few) about waiting-induced insanity. I'm working on convincing myself that if I get all my worries on paper I will be able to let some of them go. I'm not necessarily looking for advice or reassurance or even feedback (though none of those would be rejected), I'm just dumping. So here's my list, boring and obsessive though it may be.
1. Leaving work with barely a morning's notice. Of course there are stories floating around about families who get calls about babies who are born already and will be released from the hospital in 24 hours (we know one of these families). Imagine calling in at 7 am to leave a voice mail message saying, "Hi, I'm calling to tell you I'm on leave and will be back in 12 weeks. Feel free to look in my Palm Pilot to see what's coming up, and good luck with everything!" I told my boss our plan, and she was not stressed (at least not outwardly). I wouldn't be the first person (especially in this mostly female-staffed human services agency) to go out suddenly on maternity leave. She assured me that we could make a plan. And still - my program coordinator called out sick the other day and I was like a chicken with my head cut off all day. Since I'm still getting used to my new position and many of my responsibilities still feel enormous, it's hard to think about how to walk away from them like that. 2. What the HELL we're going to do for the old bank balance. We're doing the one income + student loans dance this year, which is fine for the short term. What does the long-term look like when one of you is currently not working and you could wait two weeks or two years for a baby? And then there's all those hours we spend jealously poring over listings for 2-bedroom condos, which would require mortgage payments about 50% higher than what we're paying in rent... 3. Waiting forever. We've met so many couples who have adopted domestically - including queer couples who have done this recently and so have a similar situtation to ours - who have had incredibly short waits. One couple we met had to rush to complete their homestudy because their baby was due by scheduled c-section the following week. Now my hopes are up, way up, despite my efforts to keep them really low. And now that I've ruminated, over-thought, obsessed, fixated, fretted, and generally worried this half to death (for those of you thinking half? HALF? Oh yes, my friends, I have only just begun), I fear I will bring some insane adoption karma down on our heads and we will wait FOREVER. But maybe by saying that I'll reverse it. But wait, maybe by saying THAT I reversed it again! But wait, maybe..! Someone please buy me a beer, or knock me unconscious. Either will do.
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Foxxy One COMMENT-DATE:6:42 AM COMMENT-BODY:I just had #1. Not quite as short as you described but we got the call on Friday at 5:30 pm that we had to be in Guatemala to get our son on Monday.

After our initial "wholly shit how are we going to get through this" we sat down - figured out what we needed to do and got through it. Just like you will :) --------