AUTHOR: M. DATE: 9:45:00 PM ----- BODY:

Tomorrow night begins Passover, my absolute favorite holiday. But I'm not quite as organized as I usually am around this, and it sneaked up on me. And, as these things tend to go, the prep is chaotic and I don't usually start enjoying myself until we get going. So in honor, here's my pseudo-recipe for some totally unfocused mid-week passover dishes. You need: Asparagus - enough to make your pee stink for about 6 weeks An enormous amount of potatoes 8 eggs 4 onions salt and pepper lemon juice Olive oil First, work a long day. Change into your pajamas immediately upon entering the house. Get all the ingredients out on the counter and stare at them in disbelief for 2-3 minutes, since you can't believe you have to deal with all of this on a Tuesday. Pour a large glass of wine. Prevail upon uncomplaining wife to peel 8,000 potatoes. Set her up to do this in front of a "Friends" re-run to take the edge off. Trim the asparagus and throw it on a baking sheet with a little oil, salt and pepper, and lemon juice. Roast at 350 for about 15 minutes. Do this in about 17 batches since you have so freakin' much of it. Draft a blog post in your head about your co-worker who really hurt your feelings yesterday and went and ratted the whole story to your mutual supervisor today as if she were 11 instead of 41. Finally decide not to post about it for fear of being dooced. Continue fuming silently about it. Pour some more wine. With potatoes and onions taking up every available inch of counter space, dig through bottom cabinet trying to find the right blade for the cuisinart. Throw random tupperwares across the kitchen as you do so. Be sure to curse loudly at the disaster that is this cabinet. Unearth correct blade and spend about 5 minutes trying to get everything back in the cabinet. Don't worry about organizing it, but if you can get the cabinet door to stay closed you can manage not to deal with the cabinet for at least 3 more days. Check People magazine on-line to find out if Katie has had her Scientology alien baby yet. Use the cuisinart to grate all the potatoes and onions. This will require about 112 passes through the cuisinart bowl. Add the eggs and a generous amount of salt and pepper. Spread on a baking sheet. Put it in the oven for an hour and a half-an hour and a quarter at 350 degrees, depending on how thick it is. Stick a fork in the middle to make sure your potatoes are cooked. Shudder at the memory of the time you showed up at your mother-in-law's with half-coooked potato kugel. While it's cooking, watch Scrubs. Enter your wife's name in the contest for what Turk and Carla should name their baby. Somewhere in the middle of this, make a frittata with lots of veggies and rice so you can actually eat a balanced meal tonight too. Carbo-load in advance of Passover as if you're running the Boston marathon. Screw around on the internet and then go to bed early. Lie in bed thinking about all the phone calls you need to make to the bank, the realtor, the lawyer, the housing program, etc. in order to be ready for the condo closing NEXT WEEK. Work all day. Arrive at sister-in-law's house in time for beginning of seder, with asparagus and potato kugel in hand. When everyone ooh's and aaah's about you showing up with your beautiful crispy-on-top kugel and your "brand new spring"-colored asparagus, on time, dressed up and having worked a full day, imagine you are Martha Stewart and, even as you are praying that your potatoes are actually fully cooked, graciously nod and smile and say: "it was nothing!"

-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: J COMMENT-DATE:8:15 AM COMMENT-BODY:ha. very good. though you're starting to freak me out with all of the similarities. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: M3 COMMENT-DATE:12:48 PM COMMENT-BODY:Loved this post, it made me laugh and made me hungry!! (Always good) --------