AUTHOR: M. DATE: 12:14:00 PM ----- BODY:

Just a quick post with lunch at my desk today, because I need to get this off my chest. Our social worker called Sunday with a potential placement situation for us. I didn't ask her for any details, but of course she gave us some. We don't know why the mom is choosing adoption. We have a little health information, we know the due date (early summer), the sex, the race, the state where the mom lives, her education level, and that she's open to a placement with two women. Are we interested? Should she share our profile with this woman? I have an image of this mom and this baby in my head. Real, whole people, not just figments of my imagination. And I had a moment of thinking: Holy cow. We could be moms REALLY SOON. I better quick figure out which side of the diaper is the front. But... we're on hold, at least a few more weeks (maybe longer). We made a committment to each other. It wasn't my idea to do it in the first place, but I know I. was right when she asked me to do this. I'm glad we've done it - postponing our plans has given us some time to really focus on our relationship and we're growing so much. It was and still is 100% the right thing to do, and I see it paying off in ways I couldn't have imagined. But in that moment (and many moments since then), it SUCKED. I hung up. Begged I. for about 8 seconds to say yes. Got ahold of myself. Called the social worker back and said no. Please don't share our profile. Please don't tell us any more. We're not ready. We'll talk to you more about it when we see you this week. We might be ready before her due date comes around but not yet. NotyetnotyetnotFUCKINGyet. Hung up the phone. Burst into tears. A few minutes of howling drama and hugs, and then the reappearance of at least a semblance of sanity and clarity. Tonight our social worker is coming over for her home visit (which she already did in the old place but needs to do in the new place). That's it for the home study, at long last. And our profile is done. So we have to tell her what's going on so that she won't keep calling us about situations. It's too much, when we're ready but not ready. I know she'll be fine with it, but I hate having to tell her.

-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Clementine COMMENT-DATE:1:20 PM COMMENT-BODY:Oh M., that's so sad. It's such a roller coaster, isn't it? Good luck tonight with your home visit. I'm thinking of you and I. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Johnny COMMENT-DATE:2:15 PM COMMENT-BODY:With kiddos, it's better to be on the same page. There's no going back, so you did the right thing.

my little bit of assvice. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:6:34 PM COMMENT-BODY:I am so sad for you. Thinking of you. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:23 PM COMMENT-BODY:I'm sorry. Really. It's hard. You are doing a great job of thinking with a clear head, even when your heart is torturing you about it. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:11:39 PM COMMENT-BODY:So brave. And sad.

It really sounds like you did the right thing for you, for now. But what a heartbreaking choice.

{{hugs}} -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Hashbrown COMMENT-DATE:1:52 PM COMMENT-BODY:Hey M.
what a wrenching experience. I am so very sorry that has happened. I hope your home visit went well. You and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: HeatherRainbow COMMENT-DATE:12:36 PM COMMENT-BODY:((hugs))

You need to do something when you are sure you are ready. You can always be ready and then do adoption, but once you adopt a child, there's no going back. Make sure your relationship is going well independently of the adoption. Because, adoption is not the answer to making a family, it is an addition that is so complex that it needs fully capable parents working as a team and being on the same page, otherwise, the decisions you will be making on behalf of the child, may in turn, harm your relationship with your partner, or vice versa.

Best of luck. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Overwhelmed! COMMENT-DATE:1:53 PM COMMENT-BODY:I'm so sorry you're having to experience this. It will pay off in the long run though. Believe it!

I was ready to adopt much sooner than my husband was. I begged, pleaded, and cried in an attempt to manipulate him into letting us start sooner. I'm not proud of that, but there it is. He didn't give in. It hurt like hell, but I waited.

When my husband WAS ready, he jumped in with both feet and didn't look back. Now we're proud parents of a beautiful little boy and I can confidently say he was so worth the wait! My husband and I are doing pretty darned good in our roles of parents and our marriage is doing good too!

Hang in there. You'll make it! --------