AUTHOR: M.
DATE: 8:17:00 PM
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BODY:
Dear Mollie,
I've been a fan of yours ever since some friends gave me one of your books for my birthday about 5 years back. I use it - and the newer one I have - every week.
I read the books in bed and daydream about recipes. Even my wife, who is vegetarian and wheat-free and sugar-free AND a picky eater (I know - I can't believe it either) always loves what I make from your books.
You have never failed me - until tonight. I thought I would try your recipe for tofu burgers, which you told me could also be made into tofu "meatballs" and served with pasta (rice pasta for the wheat-free among us, if you were wondering).
With all due respect, I have to ask: what the fuck were you thinking?
(As an aside: some might wonder - what the fuck was *I* thinking trying to make something called "tofu meatballs? They would also have a point. But okay.)
The recipe looked great - lots of onions and peppers and fresh basil. But once I mixed the sauteed vegetables with all the other ingredients, it looked like this: 
I was suspicious of whether this would make anything resembling meatballs, but you and I have had a long and healthy relationship, so I took a leap of faith and gamely tried to make this mixture into something resembling meatballs. They would. not. stick. together.
They looked like this:
So I scraped it all back together and, in desperation, threw the whole mess into the cuisinart. It didn't improve the color, but it did get them to stick together, meatball-like.
Your instructions were to bake them for 20 minutes. Forty minutes later, they were ready, or ready as they were ever going to be. Toss them over pasta, add sauce and hot peppers, and away we go.
But here's the clincher, Mollie: after 40 minutes of baking that followed an hour of cooking, we had a thoroughly mediocre meal, served at 9:30 pm, and a kitchen full of dirty pots and pans. And enough leftovers to keep us in mediocre tofu meatballs for a month, because the meatballs were so heavy neither of us could eat more than 3.
Mollie, are you angry at me? Because that was a little passive-aggressive. I hope we can continue our relationship despite this. I'm willing to try again with us. I hope you are too.
Sincerely,
M.
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COMMENT-AUTHOR: susan
COMMENT-DATE:5:07 PM
COMMENT-BODY:That is very funny, Marisa!
I'm a big Katzen fan, too, but I just don't bother with anybody's recipes for tofu burgers or meatballs. they never taste good. (I like tofu plenty of other ways, but the burgers don't cohere no matter who does the recipe).
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COMMENT-AUTHOR:
COMMENT-DATE:10:52 AM
COMMENT-BODY:OK, this is so funny because AJWP and I write "letters" like this all the time too. Is this habit left over from our days on Dimick Street for all of us? Because also, I often say mine out loud. Sometimes to the "addressee" directly.
I'm sorry for your mediocre meatballs.
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COMMENT-AUTHOR:
COMMENT-DATE:4:13 PM
COMMENT-BODY:OMG that is so hilarious. I nearly fell off my chair laughing, and had to stifle my laughter and wipe the tears out of my eyes when a coworker walked by my office door. But you must have known that this was going to end badly when you started documenting the whole tragic affair!
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So I scraped it all back together and, in desperation, threw the whole mess into the cuisinart. It didn't improve the color, but it did get them to stick together, meatball-like.
Your instructions were to bake them for 20 minutes. Forty minutes later, they were ready, or ready as they were ever going to be. Toss them over pasta, add sauce and hot peppers, and away we go.
But here's the clincher, Mollie: after 40 minutes of baking that followed an hour of cooking, we had a thoroughly mediocre meal, served at 9:30 pm, and a kitchen full of dirty pots and pans. And enough leftovers to keep us in mediocre tofu meatballs for a month, because the meatballs were so heavy neither of us could eat more than 3.
Mollie, are you angry at me? Because that was a little passive-aggressive. I hope we can continue our relationship despite this. I'm willing to try again with us. I hope you are too.
Sincerely,
M.
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COMMENT-AUTHOR:
susan
COMMENT-DATE:5:07 PM
COMMENT-BODY:That is very funny, Marisa!
COMMENT-DATE:10:52 AM
COMMENT-BODY:OK, this is so funny because AJWP and I write "letters" like this all the time too. Is this habit left over from our days on Dimick Street for all of us? Because also, I often say mine out loud. Sometimes to the "addressee" directly.