AUTHOR: M. DATE: 4:49:00 PM ----- BODY:

We had an accident today. It was one of those accidents where your car turns all by itself and before you know it you're 12 miles south of your neighborhood and inside Babies R Us. And then before you know it someone shoves one of those registry guns to the palm of your hand and runs away. Dude, that store is SCARY. I can't even talk about all the insane "you absolutely must have this" lists, complete with bar codes so you can scan things into your registry RIGHT FROM THE CATALOG EVEN WHILE YOU'RE STANDING IN THE STORE. And I won't touch the fact that it's a nationally-owned chain store (blah) that exists in practically every large suburb in the country, squashing all the locally owned stores except the ones that charge $34 for a freakin' onesie, and looks like something they might use to teach people in another country a course called American Consumerism 101. (Of course I wasn't the least bit tempted to buy anything. I'm just that virtuous). But the gender stuff. Oh my. Fire trucks on clothing in the "boys" section and kittens in the "girls" clothing section is bad enough. That stuff has made me insane for years. It's out of control and I hate it, but at least I get the historical context. And, while the whole store is full to vomiting of pastels, the pastels are of course very carefully color-coded. In addition to the predictable pinks and blues, there is also lavender for girls, and light green for boys. Is this progress? (I should stop here in my rant and point out that both Artifically Sweetened and Cheese and Whine recently posted much more coherent and thoughtful posts about gender. And I would love to contribute to the discussion when I'm not having Post-Babies R Us-Syndrome. But that day is not today). Anyway, you know what just put me completely over the top? Turtles. Clothing with turtles on it is for boys, according to BRU. Why? Are turtles all boys? Do turtles symbilize some hidden aspect of masculinity? WTF? We haven't indicated any preference for the sex of our baby. It doesn't mean we don't have our reservations, fears, neuroses, etc., but ultimately we feel like: we want a kid, and any kid will have their ups and downs. And sex doesn't necessarily tell you anything about gender anyway. As an aside: we had talked about wanting a girl. Then last year at high holidays, we sat through Yom Kippur services behind 4 teenage girls, dressed almost identically in t-shirts and mini-skirts (the mini-skirts were different colors). Through the entire solemn service they sniffed each other's hair and licked their index fingers to smoothe each other's eyebrows. Finally, I. turned to me and said: Boys. We're only having boys. Anyway. The damned turtles. What I'm trying to figure out is, is this a chicken or an egg? (I think both chicken and egg would be in the girls section). Are there really that many consumers who firmly believe in the rule of Though Shalt Not Dress Girls in Clothing with Trucks on Them and Though Shalt Not Dress Boys in Clothing with Kittens on Them? Or is corporate American catering to what they think we want? Really. Clothing (which I admit is really important in the gender game), is just icing on of all the gender expectations we put on these brand new human beings. Gender matters, whether you agree with the expectations or not, whether or not you fit the expectations imposed on you because of your gender. And it's so hard for us to unlearn those expectations. But isn't it my responsibility as a parent, as someone who believes that a kid should be supported in being and learning and trying anything that works for him or her, to help them unlearn it, instead of following all these ludicrous and outdated and limiting rules? I can't imagine that putting my daughter in a turtle shirt is really so gender-bending, but according to this store it is. It can make a person really freakin' tired. ***** Edited to add: For those of you who know us in real life, we just did the registry because we wanted to get it done. Please don't even look at it yet - it was not a hint! **** Edited again to add: my old housemate Jenn has thoughtfully illustrated what Bridget the turtle has to say about this issue. Go see.

-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Shirky COMMENT-DATE:6:55 PM COMMENT-BODY:it's enough to make you want to dress the kid in all black, all the time.

The preference for girls is so marked in the adoption world, it kind of makes me hope for a boy. just to be different. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: carrym COMMENT-DATE:7:03 PM COMMENT-BODY:wow, turtles for boys? Who'da thunk it? So which do you think teddy bears could be for? Or elephants? Or bunnies? I never really thought about animals as gender specific before...does that make me a bad mom? Could my kiddos be warped for life for being forced to wear or, worse yet, to play with the wrong one??

And boys, boys ARE the way to go, I have two and they are great! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:36 PM COMMENT-BODY:This is why when the kids were babies and toddlers all their stuff came from Gap. There were still boy clothes and girl clothes, but at least there was some color vareity. Plus khaki shorts and polos were pretty gender neutral I thought. I also really loved the quality of their cotton (at that time, I don't know about now). I used to comb their clearance racks and find great stuff. Also Gap stuff in a thrift store or second hand shop was gold. Seriously it went through several children, not just my three girls, but friend's children too. All of Scruffy's hand-me-downs are gap. But the new stuff I buy for him is Target. He is the only boy I will ever have- it's a great deal (usually under $5) and only has to last one season for one kid. If it looks okay when we are done with it, and 50% do, then I pass them on to friends. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: LilySea COMMENT-DATE:11:56 PM COMMENT-BODY:yep. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: J COMMENT-DATE:9:08 AM COMMENT-BODY:It's all based on this gender binary that 'we've' invested so much time and energy cultivating over the last..oh...millenia.

It actually hasn't been that long. The original "school colors" of uber man-sport friendly Syracuse University were....Pink and pea green.

Things have changed since then.

I can't wait to dress a boy in pink, or a girl in blue. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Clementine COMMENT-DATE:12:39 PM COMMENT-BODY:Pink and pale green? For real? I'd love to see the Orangemen in Lilly Pulitzer colors!

And M., I so hear you on this. The first time I went into Kids R Us and Babies R Us, I almost burst a blood vessel. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:46 PM COMMENT-BODY:We love the firetruck stuff. Why? Josh is a professional firefighter. His nursery is themed in fire trucks. If he was a she? She'd have a girlier room. But she'd still wear firetrucks. ;) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:4:08 PM COMMENT-BODY:This makes my brain hurt. We actually have a turtle. A red-eared slider. She's a girl. She doesn't want to be only on boy clothes. I asked her. She said, "That's ridiculous." -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:10:45 PM COMMENT-BODY:According to the stores, whales are also only for boys. Very sad. Poor daughter will grow up with her buttons and zippers on the wrong side (b/c she'll be wearing the clothes with whales on them... and turtles) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: art-sweet COMMENT-DATE:12:15 AM COMMENT-BODY:I'm just hoping you will be dealing with these issues in a non-theoretical way soon!

I grew up wearing my boy cousin's hand-me-downs and turned into a femmey lesbo. Guess those turtles really are dangerous! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Foxxy One COMMENT-DATE:9:32 AM COMMENT-BODY:It's the whole penis thing. I'm sure of it. I've heard of men referring to their man bits as the turtle (or other animals).

My MIL bought Dylan a pink sweatsuit. He looked adorable in it (he's outgrown it). -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: FemiKnitMafia COMMENT-DATE:11:40 AM COMMENT-BODY:Argh! It takes a LOT of effort to find affordable non-gendered kids clothes. Good luck! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Trista COMMENT-DATE:12:07 PM COMMENT-BODY:Well, this may be beside the point, but we got a little polo shirt with a turtle on it for Julia at Old Navy. So Old Navy, at least, understands that turtles are acceptable decorations for a girl's clothing. But, yeah, other than that...

What I don't understand is why dinosaurs are only for boys. What, because they've got teeth and claws and are big, scary monster-like things girls can't want them on their clothes? --------