AUTHOR: M. DATE: 10:11:00 AM ----- BODY:

I do love me a long weekend. Beach day yesterday, one of my favorite beaches in the area... I had the day off, and my girl had to "work," but since the two older boys were doing their own thing yesterday, "work" meant the two of us took the 6-year-old to the beach all day. This kid was thrilled, third child that she is, to have the exclusive attention of two adults all day long, and she was a gem all day. She even wrote in the sand "I love Mom and Mom." Hah! The girl was in fantasy land, and we got a huge kick out of her, toothless smile and all. It has been a roller coaster of a weekend. So many good summer things - dinners with old friends and new friends, playing in the yard and trying to cut the Grass That Ate Boston, smoothies with FKM and Little Man (who melted down immediately everytime anyone uttered the phrase "ice cream" and kept us laughing all day), the annual day-long strawberry picking and freezing festival with my sisters-in-law, kayaking today in the Neponset River. But in between all the lovely, distracting summer indulgences, I just feel... fearful. I worry about whether this adoption will go through. Will we be parents next month? Are the baby's parents okay? Do they feel like they're making the right decision? Do they have support from the people who care about them? If we keep moving forward from here, can we live through the next few weeks of anxiety, waiting for the baby's birth and to see how the parents feel once the baby arrives in the flesh? I obsess over strollers - orange or lime green? - and then decide this won't happen at all and why am I even bothering? I pet my cats, curled up in tight little balls on the bed, and wonder if by next month they'll be taking refuge under the bed to get away from a screaming baby. When I water the plants I wonder if next month they'll be totally neglected, or if I'll be gardening like a fool trying to fill up the time I thought might be occupied by a baby. This limbo is starting to get to me.

-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:12:46 PM COMMENT-BODY:Hey there,

I'm new to Boston and just noticed that you mentioned kayaking on the Neponset River. We've been trying to find a good place to kayak around here that isn't a full sea excursion.

Can you tell me where you put in and what it's like? Do you go all the way to the estuary?

Thanks!
G & M (mariaandgrace @ mac dot com) -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: LilySea COMMENT-DATE:2:36 PM COMMENT-BODY:Lime green, of course!

If not next month, you'll need it eventually!

: ) --------